Normal Models?!!

by Graham Davies

This evening I was working out in the gymn and I watched a fashion show on the TV screen in front of me. Unlikely, but true. And I saw something incredible. Something that I have never seen before during any of my many involuntary viewings of the Fashion Presentation genre: the models were cleary enjoying themselves.

Each girl in the show had normal feminine curves instead of the ironing-board-with-feet physique that dominates their sector. They wore make-up that enhanced their good looks. They walked along the stage with obvious enthusiasm. And they also did something that was really strange....something that is usually forbidden in a fashion show: they smiled!

Most models permanently wear the sort of expression that suggests that they have just been forced to go to the cafeteria at their Eating Disorder Clinic.

But the models I saw tonight allowed their enjoyment and their personalities to shine through to what they were modelling...and I actually started to appreciate the excellence of their clothes and the expertise of the designer.

It's about time that the Fashion Industry realised that enthusiasm for the product, from normal-shaped, feminine models, is a highly effective presentational device.

Obnoxious Upselling

by Graham Davies

I have taken a short vacation from blogging, mainly because of not coming across anything that pissed me off enough to blog about it. That all changed today in WHSmith.

Obesity is a killer: one of the biggest causes of heart disease in the western world. It nearly always involves the person concerned having a diet that is obviously less healthy than it really should be. And healthy diets rarely involve significant amounts of crisps or milk chocolate. I speak as an unreformed carbandfatoholic.

I find the compulsory upselling carried out by WHSmith checkout staff to be particularly obnoxious. I was just paying for a newspaper when one said, "Would you like one of these chocolate bars for just a pound?"

I am now reasonably strong about confronting my chocolate problem so I was able to Just Say No. But alot of people are successfully ambushed by this ploy which exploits them when their defences are down.

Don't fall for it. And next time they try it on you, tell them where they can put their Toblerone.

Sugar Moans Again

by Graham Davies

If I ever have 730 million quid in the bank, I hope I do not whine as much as Alan Sugar does. Ironically, this week he has accused struggling businessmen of being "moaners" who live in "Disneyworld". I hope that this is a happier place than Sugarworld, where moaning has been raised to an art form.

Suralan clearly feels that any display of personal charm is a form of presentational weakness. He would like to see himself as a Straight Talker who does not suffer fools gladly. The reality is that he does not like to suffer anyone gladly apart from himself.

He has never learned one of the Cardinal Rules of effective straight talking: being rude makes your point of view far less persuasive.....especially when you happen to be right.

Perhaps we should all take Suralan more seriously. But perhaps he should take himself alot less seriously.

Angry Email Response

by Graham Davies

Unless you are one of the lucky few, you will sometimes receive emails that make you very angry indeed. They may contain offensive allegations, factual inaccuracies and downright insults. And they may even be sent by long-standing, valued clients that you just did not believe were capable of such behaviour.

This is the way to deal with them: write a reply immediately, while your anger is still white-hot. Tackle every insult head-on, countering with several of your own....preferably even ruder than the ones they were stupid enough to use.

Point out the stupidity of every individual piece of inaccuracy. Above all, make it absolutely clear that you take the email as a deliberately hurtful and personal attack. Make your reply accurate, but ensure that it is your emotions that are more noticeable than the facts.

And then........STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER WITHOUT HITTING THE SEND BUTTON. Walk out of the room and do something else completely different.

Most people make the mistake of bottling up their feelings when they are the victims of corporate rudeness. By vomiting them all out onto the screen as soon as possible, you will give your self an emotional enema. Two hours later, you will be ready to compose...and send...the measured and statesmanlike response that will calmly counter the offensive email, while also ensuring the longevity of your relationship with its sender.

Laughing at Griffin

by Graham Davies

The three most powerful presentational weapons for fighting extremism are accuracy, moderation and a sense of humour. They were used with varying degrees of success against Nick Griffin on Question Time.

Griffin clearly wanted to seem as reasonable and mainstream as possible, insisting at a very early stage that his views had been widely exaggerated and misquoted. David Dimbleby nicely punctured that false balloon by reading out a sequence of quotes that Griffin simply could not refute.

It was the mainstream politicians that let the Anti-Fascist side down, especially Jack Straw and Chris Huhne. They were determined to shout their way through pre-prepared rants, no matter what questions were asked. They turned the programme into a "How Outraged Can I Get?" competition. Their staged emotion made me feel nauseous.

Bobby Greer, the playwrite, had exactly the right presentational attitude to Griffin: she treated him as an object of simultaneous tragedy and comedy. She laughed at him and felt sorry for him....but without coming across as hating him.

Of course, this is far too clever an approach for any politician to understand.

Cameron Bores for Britain

by Graham Davies

In the space of 57 tedious minutes, David Cameron managed to change the Party Faithful to the Party Doubtful. I spoke to many otherwise enthuisiastic Tories who were stunned by the pedestrian plod they had just witnessed.

If this speech was an aircraft, not only did it not take off from the runway, it never got out of the hangar. If it has been any more low-key, it would have been subterranean. This was certainly the poorest Public Speaking performance I have seen from a Leader of any British Political Party. He was even worse than Ian Duncan-Smith.

There was nothing new in this speech. We have heard the trite generalities about family, country and community many times before. He didn't announce a single new policy. It is hard to get excited about a future with Dave at the helm because he cannot articulate specifically how he is going to create it.

And the next prime Minister must surely have the courtesy to learn how to use a tele-prompt. He is at his presentational poorest when his nose is buried in his notes.

He clearly wanted to play the speaking game very safely yesterday. But if this was all he could manage, it was hardly worth him turning up on the pitch.

Advice to Dave

by Graham Davies

Remember that the real secret of how to make a really boring speech is to try and include absolutely everything. You did a super job of that in your 72 minute marathon last year. Just maybe a 50 minute sprint would go down better with the punters.

Don't repeat any of theses phrases from your speech on Monday:

We can't afford complacency.
There are tough times ahead.
We must not let Britain down.
It's time for a New Broom.

You have to avoid another torrent of cliches like these. And no more badly-told, dated gags about Ken Clarke's Hush Puppies. The Faithful were clearly embarassed when that one fell flat.

Please come up with some memorable phrases that are as good as Michael Gove's ....or Peter Mandelson's. It's just possible that it was your deliberate decision to ensure that nearly all the speeches this week were boring.....so that the Tories are no longer seen as merely the Party of Shiny Marketing.

But remember that, just because you want to emphasize your substance, it doesn't mean that you should present it in a dull, flat and boring way.

Osborne Matures

by Graham Davies

He will never be a British Obama, but George Osborne has now become the Tories' best teleprompt performer. He seems to be able to look past the glass, rather than at it.

Yesterday marked Osborne's Coming of Age as a political presenter. He has managed to get rid of that annoying air of Deputy-Head-Boy smugness. When he has something specific to announce, he manages to strike just the right note of earnestness without being too lofty. He was like someone who was confiding with some close friends at a rather important dinner-party.

He even presented a couple of gags nicely: playing them as though they were serious lines and so letting the words do the work.

This is the first time that I have seen him in front of a large audience coming across as a decently concerned human being, rather than a pompous toff politician who wants to show us how jolly clever he is.

But I do hope that he drops We are All in this Together, before We all Puke Together.

Tory Tedium

by Graham Davies

Many congratualtions to the Conservative Party for reaching a new peak in boring presentation. They have discovered perhaps the most tedious mass presentational technique to hit British Politics: seven Shadow Cabinet members standing in line on stage behind seven seperate lecterns.

Apparently, it is designed to be a display of teamwork in action. Sadly, they look like 7 awkward statues, only with not as much life.

This sort of set-up exacerbates a politician's tendency towards Podium Disease: the habit of...only saying...three or four words....at a time....even if it is.....very stilted....indeed.

I was deeply disappointed to see even Michael Gove being infected. If a star like Gove is made to look pedestrian, the Tories have a long way to go before their presentational is good enough to guarantee the boost in the polls that the Conference must deliver for them.

TV Debate Desperation

by Graham Davies

I am delighted to have been proved wrong: Gordon Brown will take part in a series of televised pre-election debates. Perhaps I underestimated his level of desperation.

This will be the first time in British Politics that the viewing public will be able to see genuinely spontaneous reaction by Party Leaders to views which have just been expressed by their opposite numbers. Deliciously, they will not have the chance to have their immediate responses sanitised by their PR/Spin departments.

We might actually see Cameron, Brown and Clegg blurting out stuff that they really believe.

Whatever the format, they will each have to avoid the Politician's tendency to make their points by going into over-complex depth on a given issue....something which is often unfaily characterised as avoidance by the typical viewer.

Instead, they will have to get into the knack of immediately encapsulating and crystallising their views in such a way that is both memorable and compelling.....and keeping this up for an hour at a time.

Political presentation could actually become rather exciting.

Gordon the Adequate

by Graham Davies

It was certainly the most upbeat, energetic and engaging performance that I have ever seen from him. By his standards, it wasn't just a speech: it was a cabaret.

He told a couple of early gags rather well. He even smiled...something which he has traditionally found difficult and frightening. There was a real danger that he was actually enjoying himself up there.

But all the old tedious presentational trademarks were still there. He has only one pace: Attack, Attack, Attack. Every phrase was hammered out as if it were just as damned vital as every phrase before it.

Stangely, he spent 80% of his time with his body and head pointed well towards the left, with only the occasional glance to the right...perhaps as an unconscious metaphor of his entire political carreer.

This was as good as Brown is ever going to get in a set-piece speech. He is always going to be an artisan rather than an artiste.

And I suspect that, even as the obligatory standing ovation reached its peak, Gordon was thinking, "Maybe one day I will be as good as Peter Mandelson himself."

Brown's Big One

by Graham Davies

We certainly won't be seeing a repeat of the camply cringe-making theatricality of Mandelson. Brown does not do theatre. Or rhetoric. Or humour. We can expect a hard-working slog through the "achievements" of his government, combined with a clumsy attack on the the Tories and a promise to fight them on the beaches etc etc.

He has never really had much use for other people's opinions when it comes to speechwriting....or anything else, really. Tony Blair welcomed input from a wide variety of sources that were co-ordinated by a Chief Speechwriter.

Strangely, Blair was totally computer-phobic and wrote everything longhand. Brown uses his laptop constantly to create the first draft of every speech....and every subsequent draft. He does not even ask anyone else to give him jokes.

Brown is bucking a trend that has characterised most of the great speeches of the last 50 years: very few are the exclusive work of the speaker himself.

Kennedy, Thatcher and Reagan were humble enough to ask for help. Brown is not.

Peter's Finger

by Graham Davies

It was crass, over-blown and embarassing. The Mandelson Ego on the Labour Party stage was just as unpleasant to behold as it has always been.

Granted, he has learnt a sense of irony and self-parody. But coming from his mouth, the carefully calculated humorous attempts to make Mandelson 2.0 seem humble had exactly the opposite effect.

He seems to have employed the services of a Body Language Coach from the 1970s: his gestures attached to supposedly significant phrases showed the straight jacket of over-rehearsal. And his obsessive use of the right forefinger pointed to the sky was an his unconscious way of telling us that there is still only One Man worth listening to.

And he just can't help giving himself away. At one point, he told Brown "you will have my undivided attention". A few seconds later, perhaps as an afterthought, he said it would be accompanied by his undivided loyalty. This was the speech of a smugly superior, supervising schoolteacher, not a faithful warrior.

Clegg's Fantasy Speech

by Graham Davies

Nick Clegg has been to bed with more than 30 women and last week he spoke for 50 minutes with out using notes or a teleprompt. These are his two most striking achievements.

So when he said "I want to be Prime Minister", it had as much credibility as I had at the age of 5 when I told my Mum, "I want to be an astronaut".

Safe in the knowledge that he will never be able to carry them out, he boldly listed specific public spending cuts that have to be made. But he didn't have the balls to describe them as "savage" as he had originally intended.

He said that the LibDems' private polls, somewhat differently to all the polls that you and I have seen, show that the General Election is "wide open". Of course, they are right: it is a wide open question as to whether the Tory majority will be 50 or 150.

Overall, the speech was an exercise in schoolboy fantasy. He can now go back to his constituency and prepare for finishing 3rd. Again.

Yah Boo Heune

by Graham Davies

There is something of the Schoolyard in the way that Chris Heune presents himself. Nick Clegg was certainly stunned by the bullying nature of his personal attacks during the last LibDem leadership contest.

Heune hasn' t grown up much since. Okay, he had a sudden attack of sanity and decided not to call William Hague a skinhead in his conference speech. But calling the Tories "the Party of Crime" was just puerile.

This was someone who is happier with the immediate rush of a juvenile soundbite than he is with the hard work of suggesting solutions that actually work.

Maybe he was just getting his retaliation in first. He is almost certainly going to lose his seat in the Genearal Election....to a Tory. How sad it is for us all that this was his last conference speech as a Member of Parliament.

Clegg's Clothes

by Graham Davies

It's very easy for a Party Leader to present bold new ideas when he knows that there is no chance of his party forming the next government. Or any government within his lifetime. That is the simultaneously freeing and frustrating position that Nick Clegg finds himself in as his party conference starts.

The speeches at LibDem conferences are often more interesting than than those you hear from the Big Two conferences. This mainly because the speakers (sometimes including Shadow Cabinet members) feel free to say stuff that does not slavishly agree with everything that the Leadership says. The debates actually involve people debating things.

In the last 24 hours, Clegg has ignited this presentational cauldron by being far more stark in his expression of the necessitiy for huge cuts, even in the NHS, allbeit in it's beauracracy rather than front-line service provision.

But this is not a new way of presenting the issue. With the Tories getting more careful by the minute about the C Word, Clegg is merely saying what Cameron used to say on a regular basis about 18 months ago.

Essentially, he has stolen Cameron's presentational clothes. And they fit him rather well.

Flimsy Farage
by Graham Davies

When being interviewed on television, it is vital that you have a clear grasp of what you need to defend, as well as what you want to attack. Nigel Farage broke that rule in an embarassing appearance on BBC Breakfast yesterday. His credibility was severely damaged, despite the polite gentleness of the interviewer.

Apparently, he feels that he ought to challenge the Speaker because John Bercow epitomises the twisted Expenses Culture that once prevailed in the House of Commons. He was bullish and confident about this point. His precision and impact dipped dramatically when challenged about the £2 million of expenses and allowances claims he himself has made over the last 10 years as an MEP.

Bizarrely, he even refused to publish the details of these claims "unless the European Parliament supplies the figures".

The whole interview was a classic performance of political pomposity, by an individual who combines limited intellect with limitless lust for publicity.

If you are ever interviewed by any media, practise with a trusted colleague, and get them to ask the most awkward question imaginable....one that could possibly expose the weakness of your position if answered badly.

Do that, and you will perform better than at least one Party Leader.

Election Debate?
by Graham Davies

I stand by my prediction in an earlier blog that Gordon Brown will never allow himself to take part in a televised Election Debate. I say this despite the brilliantly blackmailing announcement by Sky News that they will hold one whether he takes part or not.

He will come up with the usual excuses:

• The House of Commons is the proper place to debate policy
• He wants to engage with real people, not other politicians
• A debate misleadingly implies that the Election is some sort of Presidential contest between individuals

These reasons are all a bit thin. In fact, he does have two real reasons to duck out. Firstly, he still wants to play the status game of "I am the Prime Minister, and you are not". He does not want to descend into a pit with two individuals who are merely Party Leaders.

But the second reason remains the most compelling one: his ponderous, 20th Century style of presentation will be swept away by the Fast Gloss of Nick and Dave.....and perceived defeat in a head-to-head TV contest will merely accelerate his inevitable demise.

Bye Bye Big Bore
by Graham Davies

Here is something that you won't have heard people saying over the last 3 days:

"Oh no! Surely they can't be stopping Big Brother? 10 series wasn't nearly enough. And all the hype and fuss that they managed to generate was always a fair reflection of high quality."

Presenting yourself on television is a deeply unnatural activity. Professional TV presenters learn how to focus their words and their personae to make sure that the viewing audience's watching experience is as good as possible.

But "reality" TV participants are told to be "natural". This instruction nicely ignores the fact that living your life for with several hundred thousand people watching you is perhaps the most un-natural activity that civilised society has yet invented.

Some advice: if you ever have to appear on TV, make sure that you prepare and focus on precisely why you are doing it. Make yourself a brief flash of light that momentarily brightens the viewer's day. Being "natural" is not the best way of leveraging 4 minutes of national exposure.

The problem with Big Brother was not that it was cheap TV that celebrated the worst behaviour of unpleasantly dysfunctional people. The real problem was that 24 hour exposure of "natural" human interaction is just plain boring.

Ted's Tainted Dream
by Graham Davies

He was the only one of four brothers to survive beyond the age of 50. He had to carry a particularly heavy Torch of political idealism all on his own for more than half a century of public service.

He had a knack for getting people to sit round a table and consider compromise without making them feel that they were conceding their principles. And he was a fine set-piece political presenter, who could make lofty ideals seem to be practical possibilities rather than hot air.

He forced himself out of his sick-bed to perform one last big speech at the Democratic Convention last year. He thus ensured that he could be satisfied with the feeling that he had said all that really needed to be said. This emotion was never within reach for any of his prematurely departed brothers.

But the saddest fact is that all his glorious words were continually tainted by his drinking, womanising and general lack of judgement in his personal life. His Personal Presentation Brand had really been in a state of constant decay from the moment he gor into a car with Mary-Jo Kopechne.

When all is said and done, nearly all the fine words that Kennedy has said have been hugely devalued by just some of the things he has done.

Silence is not enough
by Graham Davies

There is an old and hackneyed piece of presentational advice that is often trotted out : It is better to stay quiet and make people think that you might be stupid, than to open your mouth and leave them in no doubt.

Yes, very funny. And if you have nothing to add to the silence, silence is still best. However, reliance on silence as your distinctive presentational stance is just not good enough if you are a Chief Executive or a Prime Minister.

Gordon Brown has only today said something, at last, about the despicable release of the Lockerbie bomber. This is the sort of issue that a PM must have an immediate opinion on....an opinion that he can convey to his nation-wide audience at the earliest opportunity.

It is a clear mark of his lack of presentational prioritisation that he did find something to say about England's Ashes victory, while at the same time staying unpleasantly silent for 5 days about allegations of behind-the-scenes deals with Gadaffi.

When you are a leader, reactive slience is not enough. When an issue of such importance burns its way into your public's eye, you have to decide on...and present...a pro-active Micro-Message as soon as possible.

Or you can be like Gordon...quietly sliding into professional oblivion.

Think or Twitter?
by Graham Davies

Duncan Bannatyne's personal presentational brand is based on the ability to bully and disparage potential investors on Dragon's Den. Even when his face is trying to express happiness, it is twisted into a sneer.

He has been presenting a TV programme where he extols urges British holidaymakers to enjoy the delights of the UK and its unique interpretation of the word "Summer".

This is a little incompatible with his constant stream of Twittering about what a marvellous time he is having in France. So, he breaks one of the Cardinal Rules of credible personal presentation: be obviously consistent.

But his biggest mistake is catching the trendy disease of 2009: Twitteritis. The main symptom is the uncontrollable urge to put thumbs to keybord without any real thought about what you are about to say to possibly hundreds of thousands of people.

Here's an idea: maybe Tweeting isn't the universally marvellous thing that it's cracked up to be.

Fair Play is Dead Again
by Graham Davies

Football's Bastards in Black have always had a reputation for myopia. But Joe Shoebridge, who refereed Bristol City's match against Crystal Palace on Saturday, seems to be an extreme sufferer of the condition. Mind you, the other 3 match officials also did not see Bristol City's blatantly legitimate goal...presumably because they were feeding their guide dogs at the time.

However, I am not writing today's blog to carry on the British tradition of moaning about sporting officialdom. I write to moan about what could have been the re-birth of British Fair Play.

All 11 Bristol City players knew that a goal had been scored against them. They should either have persuaded the referee of that fact or, after consulting with their manager, immediately and openly allowed Crystal Palace an unnopposed walk-in goal.

They had the chance to present the image of Bristol City in particular, and British sport in general, in a new and glorious light. Their Micro-Message to the world could have been: Even in the Age of Hard-Nosed Sporting Professionalism, there is still room for Sportsmanship.

But they bottled it. I hope they lose every other match this season.

The Main Chance
by Graham Davies

I don't know all the details of the allegations against Anne Main. This is something I have in common with most of the people who have been bleating about her over the last few days.

At a Special General Meeting of St Albans Conservative Association, she defeated the motion to de-select her by 140 votes to 20...a margin which would have been considered impressive in even Zimbabwe and Iran.

But no matter how much she may have been illicitly snorting from the Westminster Expenses Trough, there was nothing iffy about about the vote. It is quite clear that the Chairman and the Vice Chairman of the association (her main protaganists) were complete amateurs. They had done nothing to assess the level of support they had for their decapitation attempt. And their efforts to mobilise their own side were horribly inadequate.

On the other hand, Main had galvanised her natural core followers more effectively than a Saga Rep on speed. When the result was announced, everyone thumped their wheelchairs and rattled their zimmer frames with delight.

She may like her expenses too much. But her opponents should remember that she also likes a fight.

The Mighty Whinger
by Graham Davies

I once met Alan Duncan at a drinks party in 2004. He was part of a group of 4 people that I joined. I had been speaking for approximately 5 seconds when his eyes glazed over. He then turned on his heels and walked away. It was quite clear to the rest of us that he had immediately worked out that I wasn't important enough for him to pretend to be interested in.

This level of presentational ruthlessness has got to him to where he is today. Which is...well, nowhere really.

He scored a marvellous own goal recently when he publicly criticised Jaqui Smith's expenses only a few days before he was forced to pay back £4000 himself.

He certainly has a distinctive Presentational Brand. What he lacks in size, he makes up for in sheer bitterness. So when he complains that he and his colleagues are being "treated like shit", there are many people who think And quite right too!

Humour, Hillary!
by Graham Davies

Charm and diplomacy are not things that come naturally to Hillary Clinton. Her first instinct is to confront and attack, rather than befriend and compromise. This may be an effective way of presenting yourself when you are a political candidate, but it can be a problem when you are the Secretary of State.

In the Congo yesterday, a rather silly student asked her what Bill thought of a particular issue. Not unreasonably, she replied, "I am the Secretary of State, not my husband."

If she had said it with a smile, this one-liner would have got a big laugh from the audience, made her point superbly and won her alot of friends. Instead, she delivered it with all the grace of a nuclear assault, dramatically shrugging her shoulders and twisting her face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. The people listening were clearly shocked by her negative intensity.

Someone needs to tell her what all high-pressure presenters need to know: sometimes a smile is a more potent weapon than a growl.

Mandy is Out
by Graham Davies

At last, Peter Mandelson has been Outed: I can now confirm that he is totally addicted to publicity.

Even when he is supposedly doing nothing, he manages to get into the news. His trip to Corfu has probably been the most talked-about holiday of the year. But it's not true to say that he was trying to run the country with only a mobile phone. To be fair, He had his Blackberry with him as well.

He has made it clear that he feels that Britain needs a stronger voice in Europe. There is no doubt who he thinks that voice should be provided by.

Strangely, I find this way he has of constantly presenting himself rather refreshing. Most politicians try to put on the Reluctantly-in-the-Public-Eye Act. But not Mandy. He knows that there is no bushel big enough to have the remotest chance of hiding his light.

Sugar melts in the heat
by Graham Davies

5 years ago, I sat next to the shy, delicate and sensitive Alan Sugar at a dinner at which I was the guest speaker. For 2 hours, he barely acknowledged my existence, because he was entirely focused on projectile-presenting to the table about his favourite subject. Which is, naturally, himself.

The details fo his monologue were mainly about his charity work, which he insisted, at great length, that he never like to talk about. He then found out that I was a barrister, turned to me, and told me in strict confidence (and I quote) :

I always sue if someone calls me a liar, because it just isn't true. But I don't bother about it if someone calls me a Prat, because that is just a matter of opinion.

Poor Alan is so bothered about Quentin Letts' opinion in the Mail that he "is not someone of enormous intellect" that he has already put out the Frighteners via a top law firm.

What a shame that someone who makes so much money out of abusing people on TV is so frightened of a journalist's opinion. In fact, I would go further: what a Prat!

An Election Debate?
by Graham Davies

A televised pre-election debate between Brown and Cameron would make superb theatre. The Bruiser against the Smoothy. The grizzled Old Dog against the Upstart.

Jusy about everyone who is even remotely involved or interested in Politics would love to see it. Apart, that is, from a very small group: Brown's closest advisers. Because he would lose. Horribly and massively.

Brown is actually a deep thinker. His main weakness is his inability to marry that thought with successful inter-personal skills. He is a manifestly competent set-piece Public Speaker, as long as he (in conjunction with his writers) has had plenty of time to prepare and rehearse. But a head-to-head debate on television will be a contest where speed and simplicity will win out over depth and experience.

Cameron is hugely excited at the prospect of his Eton Debating Society credentials being recognised by the electorate at last. But he should wipe the saliva away, because even Brown isn't daft enough to let it happen.

Barack was boring
by Graham Davies

President Obama's announcement of his plans for the American Healthcare System was the worst presentational performance of his Presidency.

His main narrative speech was competent, but not inspired, by his standards. When he presents straight to a camera, as opposed to catering mainly for the live audience in front of him, he loses alot of his innate warmth. When he is talking to a piece of glass instead of a group of human beings, he becomes a little less human himself.

But his real weakness showed during the Q&A phase after his initial speech. Even though he clearly knew what the first question was going to be, he didn't provide a head-on answer. Instead, the Leader of the Free World simply rambled. On and on. Seemingly without an end in sight.

This pattern was repeated throughout the rest of the event. Ironically, when Obama is speaking to a crowd of 200,000, he can make it sound like conversational dialogue. But when he is answering a difficult question from one person, he indulges in uncomfortable monologue.

Admittedly, healthcare has perhaps been the most insoluble issue for every US President for the last 20 years.

But it is when the issues get tough that tough presenters should get going.

Watson won
by Graham Davies

Stewart Cink went home with the Claret Jug on Sunday night, but the real winner of the Open was Tom Watson. Every man over 40 was shouting for him and now every man over 50 worships him. He has shown that age does not have to be a barrier to achievement. Tom did not turn the clock back. He just made the clock seem irrelevant.

He has become a Giant among men. But Tom's real stature comes, not from the way he swings a club, but from the way he presents himself under pressure. No matter how difficult things were, he projected the sort of dignified calm that we would all like to be able to access when a few million people are watching us.

The real Open loser was Tiger Woods. His petulant thrashing of his clubs was an embarassment and an appalling example for young golfers to follow. He may have won more Majors than Watson, but I would prefer to have Tom at one of my dinner parties.

One of the best ways of assessing someone is to look carefully at how they come across when things are going badly. No-one reading this can hope to win as many golf tournaments as Tiger Woods. But you can aspire to have a personal presentational brand as stylish as that of Tom Watson.

Get Lost, Harman
by Graham Davies

I am proud to be a Northerner. I will always put HP sauce on every piece of red meat that I eat, and I will always be slightly suspicious of people with plummy voices. I regard these attributes as strengths.

Harriet Harman now feels that people like me should be the beneficiaries of Positive Discrimination if we apply for certain types of jobs in the Public Sector. For my interview, perhaps I should remember to bring my whippets and wear my cloth cap. When asked to describe the Conservative Party, I should say that they are a bunch of Southern Bastards (lots of people do that anyway).

On behalf of my fellow grockles in the Provinces, I would like to tell Harman that she can take her discrimination, put it in the appropriate receptacle and then flush.

Sarah is too late
by Graham Davies

The aggressive skills that helped to get Gordon Brown to the top will not necessarily keep him there. He still wins some arguments, but very few friends.

This is where his advisers hope that Sarah Brown just might make a difference. Gordon does not do small talk. He doesn't do medium talk either. He finds it difficult to listen to anyone, including his senior colleagues. Apparently, every meeting with him involves note-taking and point-scoring rather than genuine dialogue.

He does have a sensitive and caring side (remember his speech about Ivan Cameron), but he can't access it automatically. His (shrinking) inner circle hope that her robust charm will help to break down the barriers between the Brownmeister and ordinary mortals. They think that she can be a conversation catalyst.

They are desperately wrong. Every time the public sees Sarah presenting herself in such a charmingly robust, but understated and unselfish way, it only serves to highlight the personal failings of the man she is trying to prop up.

Goodbye Palin?
by Graham Davies

Resignation was the only option. You see, it's just so tedious being in charge of a wilderness, especially when its inhabitants are keen on investigating all the little mistakes you make in office. And you you just can't maintain your profile in the national media when your base is 6 hours flying time from the rest of the country.

Alaska is just too small a place for someone of Palin's talent. She has a God-given duty to make herself more readily accessible to the American people. Look at what she's got going for her:

• An ability to tell old jokes again and again. Her variations on the Pitbull theme have been around longer than the animal itself
• The energy to sell cliches as though Oscar Wilde had just thought of them ("Only dead fish go with the flow")
• An unlimited capacity for believing the publicity she reads on her own web-site

She would be wasted in the role of President. With this sort of presentational armoury, she simply must become a Professional Speaker instead.

Relaxed George
by Graham Davies

George Osborne is facing an investigation into his personal financial conduct. However, he has let it be known that he is "relaxed" about it.

George has always been a relaxed sort of chap, even when he used to spend some of his time drinking at the Bullingdon Club. Many of us would feel less tension if we could rely on family wealth instead of having to make a living. George's relaxation is the type that goes with having a daddy who is very rich indeed.

Mind you, if you decide to got to a party on a Russian yacht with Peter Mandelson, or make a factually inaccurate allegation of misconduct against the Prime Minister, relaxation very quickly becomes ridiculous. Or rather careless.

If you are ever facing a crisis in which your integrity is being called into question, never let the word "relaxed" be the presentational adjective that is used to describe you.

However, George's real problem is not that looks relaxed. A more accurate word would be just plain smug.

Corporate Rudeness

by Graham Davies

Meetings cancelled at the last minute. Unanswered emails. Promised documents not sent. Phone calls interrupted by you being placed on hold. These are typical examples of Corporate Rudeness in 2009. But if you think they should just be ignored, then you are part of the problem.

Every time you ignore this sort of behaviour, you are encouraging the perpetrator to treat you badly again. And again.

I call these things squelches, named after the annoying sound you hear on a computer when it refuses to accede to a reasonable request. Each individual squelch from a business contact may well not amount to much. Nevertheless, always make a note every time you receive one.

This is not merely so that you can nurse a grudge. Each squelch is an indication that you should be careful about how you deal with that person in the future. A high cumulative score on the Squelchometer means that you should simply not trust that person, or go out of your way to help them when your time could be spent on more worthy people.

I have found that a sequence of minor squelches are clear warning signs of a major squelch (cancellation of a contract, breathtaking verbal rudeness, offensively inaccurate criticism of work done).

A serial squelcher is someone that you must decide never to take any shit from again, no matter how big a client they are.

Get rid of them before they dump on you.

The Speaker has no clothes
by Graham Davies

Or at least none like the bloke before him had.

Instead of a velvet waistcoat, winged collar and bands, Jon Bercow has decided to wear a modern business suit. This has horrified many tradtionalists.

Jack Holland, who owns the tailoring company that makes the old-style garb, feels that Bercow has made a dangerous choice....because he has thrown away the visual badges of office that helped to encourage respect for the position. He also points out that the old Speaker's Wig was a very useful device when it came to pretending not to hear comments that were best ignored.

Mr Holland's views are a superb illustration of why it is time to say Goodbye to the pantomime costume. No-one could respect the mumbling incompetence of Michael Martin even if his clothes were made on Krypton.

It is time for the House of Commons to go Cold Turkey from Expenses Addiction, and the new look epitomises the new attitiude. John Bercow's visual Micro-Message is No More Traditional Clothes, No More Traditional Bullshit.

The Speaker Speaks
by Graham Davies

There was an evening a few years ago when John Bercow was taking questions from the floor after a speech he had given to his constituency Conservative Association. The event ran past the expected finish time and eventually someone asked the Chairman, "Do we have time for one more question?"

The Chairman glanced at his watch and said, "Probably. But we certainly don't have time for one of John's answers."

Within his own party, what Bercow lacked in popularity, he always made up for in sheer length. There was even a time when he used to run public speaking courses for Tory candidates. He is a genuine enthusiast of spoken communication.

I am not too bothered whether he is a Traditionalist, a Reformist or a Couldntgiveatossist. I am just delighted that, at long last, the House of Commons has got a Speaker who can actually Speak.

Risky Presenting
by Graham Davies

This is a brief summary of a keynote that I delivered at the AIRMIC Conference in Bournemouth today. It won't make much sense unless you were there....and you were listening!

STEP 1: AUDIENCE RISK ASSESSMENT
There is no excuse for not doing this. Always ask 5 questions:
Who exactly are they?
Why are they there in that room?
What do they expect to hear?
What do they need to hear (often a different answer to the immediately preceding question)?
What must you give them in the presentation that guarantees that you get what you want from having given the presentation?

NB Most people have a shorter attention span than they did 3 years ago. Treat an audience as being full of Director/Driver types, unless you have good reason to suppose otherwise.

STEP 2: DECIDE ON YOUR FINISHING POSITION
This what you want the audience to know, think or feel by the time you have finished speaking.

STEP 3: FORGE A MICRO-MESSAGE
That crystallises what you would say if you only had 10 seconds in which to say it.

STEP 4: BRAINSTORM 3 KEY ELEMENTS FROM THE MICRO-MESSAGE
Only the stuff they must know should make the cut.

STEP 5: SHARPEN A SPIKE FOR BOTH ENDS OF THE SPEAR.

SO......say it, support it.....and SHUT IT.

ANY POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE COMMENTS WOULD BE VERY WELCOME.

IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, I PROMISE TO ANSWER IT WITHIN 24 HOURS.

Gordon the Gob
by Graham Davies

Ramsay this time, not Brown.

I don't mind him comparing a high-profile Australian female TV presenter to a fat pig. It 's not clever, funny or remotely entertaining, but it doesn't upset me. And the presenter in question had the chance to carry out a pretty good counter-strike. On her own show she pointed out that the state of Gordon's marriage was a good indication of how effective he is in the way he presents himself to women.

Essentially, I have no problem with the Gob verbally attacking people who are in a position to give him a good kicking in return.

What I do find obnoxious is the way he likes to abuse people who are not able to hit back...the ones who just have to take it, like the back-stage crew and make-up team for his Australian TV show.

Fortunately, all this was nicely captured on camera, so this is not mere hearsay. The petty bully in him has been properly exposed.

I look forward to appearing on one of his programmes. Brace yourself and see what happens.

Gordon the Rhino
by Graham Davies

To lose two Government Ministers is careless. To lose eleven is comically catastrophic. But Gordon Brown's main presentational asset is not his academic brain...it is his thick skin.

It takes a remarkable man to be able to sit through a sequence of several speeches by senior colleagues, all of whom shared the same Micro-Message: your continued presence is destroying us.

Of course, because the Labour Party is so, well...laborious in its electoral procedures, it would take months to force him out, no matter how many MPs were against him. This means that Gordon can relish the prospect of peddling the following lines over the next few weeks:

• I am confident that the Party has full confidence in me
• The Euro-Election results were certainly not a vote of no confidence in me by the general public
  
• I am supremely confident of leading Labour to victory in the next General Election

This would be quite some Confidence Trick. But, unlike Margaret Thatcher, Brown will not end his career by quitting. His Micro-Message to the world is still Bollocks to all of you, I'm staying.

Careful in Cairo
by Graham Davies

Obama's performance in Cairo was largely an exercise in academic speechmaking. He was using the words and tone of a Thinker, not a Warrior.

It was a carefully calculated construction. He had clearly taken advice from a variety of sources to make sure that his religious references were entirely accurate. And his use of quotes from the Koran was very clever indeed. Imagine the horror if George W Bush had ever tried this!

He apologised for some past American mistakes and was careful to say how important is the role of Islam in his own country. He struck a note of thoughtful, but firm reconciliation which could never have been within reach of his predecessor. It was a solid, if somewhat bland, performance.

But the speech did not have a strong, compelling and memorable Micro-Message. There was nothing strikingly new that would inspire the Muslim world to bury the past and move on to the future.

Perhaps this is a blessing. This was not the time for simplistic slogans ("Yes We Khan!!?"). This was never likely to be a speech that changed the world. But perhaps it has opened the door for a a change of attitude.

Cameron's Silly PR Delay
by Graham Davies

Gordon Brown has run out of presentational cards. The "safe-pair-of-hands-in-a-crisis" card has been used too often. The "better-the-devil-you-know" card is just as unattractive to his own MPs as it is to the electorate.

With the Brown Beast at bay, Cameron should be presenting the Conservatives as being ready to fight an election at any time. He has tried a rather silly PR stunt instead: he has called for more people to apply for the Conservative Party Candidate's list. This is his way of saying that Fresh Faces my mean Fresh Politics.

It is a difficult and demanding process just getting on this list. And Cameron has not mentioned to the public that there are already more than 800 people on it. 100s more have now applied.

Of course, there could be several more Tory MPs that fall victim to Expenses Flu. But I am certain that there will be no more than a total of 25 Tory-held seats that will need to select a new candidate. Competition will be even more intense than it was before. I am also certain that none of those Constituency Associations will be remotely interested in selecting someone who has just decided that he has become interested in full-time politics within the last fortnight.

The influx onto the list has meant that some selections which were going to occur in May have been delayed to the Autumn, so as to give the newcomers chance to take part.

The bottom line is that Cameron's call for more people to join the game has had the effect of making his party less ready to fight an election. This is a bad mistake.

Steven Gerrard: Superstar
by Graham Davies

Steven Gerrard is a man who has every reason to be happy with who he is, where he is going, and how he presents himself while he's getting there. I can say this even as a sulking Manchester United supporter.

Last Friday, I was the guest speaker at the Football Writers Association Dinner, where he was receiving their Player of the Year award. The first speaker was Fabio Capello, then Steve and then me. It was about as easy as speaking in the Vatican just after the Pope.

Fabio managed to present for a smiling and affable 45 seconds, which seemed to be almost entirely in Italian, apart from the phrase "must win our next qualifying match two-nil". This got a suitably intense and patriotic burst of applause which he wisely took as the cue to sit down. We then saw a spectacular Sky Sports video, showing the highlights of the Gerrard season, which was the perfect intro for the Man Himself.

Steve will never be a professional speaker. He doesn't exactly need the money. But this was an utterly charming professional performance. He came across as the same nice guy that I was chatting to at the VIP reception about his favourite Starbucks in Southport.

I suppose it was just a string of thank yous...but each one of them genuine. It was a real contrast to last year's half-hearted contribution from Ronaldo, who gave the impression that he was doing everyone a favour just by showing up.

And he didn't bugger about with any rambling repetition. Steve followed the formula for the perfect acceptance speech: Be Nice, Be Grateful, Be Off.

And then after my own sparkling piece, there was a massive, but slow movement among the 700 people of the audience. About half of them walked up to the top table and calmly formed a line for an autograph on their menus....all of which were patiently signed over the next hour. You see, Steven Gerrard is not some crass Football Idol that you mob. He is a Gentleman that you queue up for.

In my book, that is the mark of a real star.

Susan's Got Issues
by Graham Davies

A few weeks ago, I predicted that Susan Boyle would win Britain's Got Talent. In fact, I was right. The first few seconds of her first performance guaranteed a record contract. It also guaranteed that she would be remembered long after last night's "winners".

But she has problems. Big personal problems that will not go away in a hurry, not just difficulties about the way she presents herself.

This rather horrible TV programme desperately needed her. And the ruthless leaking of the fact that she needed help from counsellors just to stop her quitting the show inevitably increased viewing figures. Having had their voyeuristic appetites whetted by seeing a small girl crying live on TV during one of the semi-finals, I have no doubt that a significant number of sadists tuned in hoping to see her crash and burn.

I hope that Susan makes a lot of money and that all her dreams come true. I hope that Simon Cowell's callous creativity makes her happy.

But it's time that everyone realised that the whole concept is designed to take advantage of the weak, not empower them. It's time ITV were honest, and changed the name of the show......to Britain's Got Freaks.

Comical Kirkbride
by Graham Davies

Bad expense claims and bad crisis presentation are both distinctive features of the Mackay/Kirkbride household.

Mackay has the initial handicap of his facial appearance. Kirkbride's handicap is her voice. When she is trying to sound concerned on television, it comes across as a simper. Just as when Hazel Blears was saying that the most important relationship in her life was that with her constituents, Kirkbride has the knack of making the viewer want to throw heavy objects at the screen.

She has deliberately avoided calling an Open Meeting in her constituency, presumably because her husband did not come back from a similar event in Bracknell saying, "That was loads of fun, darling. You ought to try one yourself. Most invigorating!"

She is clearly hoping that the storm against her will blow itself out, and that she can hang on by...er, just saying that she will hang on. This is is the presentational equivalent of sticking her fingers in her ears and saying,"La la la...can't hear, can't hear!"

This somewhat limited technique (often used successfully by presenters 40 years younger) won't work this time.

Kirkbride worked for several years at the Telegraph as a Political Journalist. I bet she is wishing that she still did.

Indifferent Obama
by Graham Davies

When he has enough time to prepare and practise, Barack Obama is one of the world's great political presenters. But his statement responding to North Korea's nuclear test showed how unprofessional he is when he has to speak at short notice.

It was clearly a sequence of words drafted in a hurry by a State Department official. It was full of predictable phrasing ("we will re-double our efforts...") and even more predictable sentiments (when was the last time that you heard of international sanctions successfully persuading a dictator to change his ways?)

But the words were positively brilliant compared to the way that they were delivered. Actually, they were just read out....in a bland, quiet and emotionally detached way that suggested Barrack has been inspired by the Speaker's recent performances (see recent blogs).


He fell into the old politician's stilted technique of only saying words in groups of 3 or 4 at a time...mainly because he was reading them for the first time just as he was saying them. He has also developed an annoying habit of lifting his voice up or down right at the end of a sentence, like an over-chatty Australian who always sounds like he is asking questions.

Part of Obama's charm is his sheer presentational transparency. Sadly, that also means that it is very obvious when he is saying merely adequate words that have just been put into his mouth by someone else.

How NOT to be interviewed on TV
by Graham Davies

Andrew Mackay MP suffers from the presentational handicap of having a face that looks as though it has walked into a door slightly too often. Over the weekend, he gave a Masterclass in how not to be interviewed on television.

He had just bluffed his way through an emergency meeting called to discuss (well, condemn) his recent expenses creativity. The meeting was either "lively" or "brutal", depending on your perspective. There is no doubt that another speaker at the meeting called him a thieving toad.

He was then interviewed a few yards away from the meeting hall in which his voters had given him such a good kicking. Naturally, a few of the audience members were interested to see how he would perform on Sky News.

He proceeded to say that 75% of the attendees had been there to support him. This provoked someone to start heckling the interview, something which clearly delighted the producer of the news segment, who told the cameraman to give the heckler/interrupter/concerned member several seconds of airtime. Mackay's already crisis-laden face twisted into utter horror, as he realised that he had been hijacked.....and his political career was over.

Mackay had made the mistake of not controlling the controllable. No matter how pushy the interviewer was, he should have insisted on a quiet location for any Q and A on camera.

If you are ever likely to be subjected to a crisis television interview, always make sure that it takes place well away from anyone who has a massive interest in wrecking your Micro-Message and getting their own agenda across instead.

Ridiculous Rantsen
by Graham Davies

There is something more obnoxious than a dishonest politician: a pampered celebrity pretending to be an honest politician.

Our MPs may well be greedy, slippery, arrogant and deceitful. And that's just the good ones. But all of them worked very hard over a period of many years to get where they are. In trying to satisfy their lust for status, none of them have been lazy.

But Esther Rantzen wants to organise her celebrity chums to into forming a little group of Crusaders for Right and Justice. She is certain that her jolly campaigns on behalf of consumers qualify her for politics.

TV Celebrities forget that fame and self-righteousness are no substitute for political experience. After all, Martin Bell achieved nothing in Parliament except proving that white suits should be left to the Man from Del Monte. Stephen Fry showed just how ignorant he is by proclaiming that expenses "are just not that important".

We certainly need a new breed in Parliament...a new breed of politician. Not a breed of famous names who would be lost without an auto-cue.

Goodbye to a Bad Speaker
by Graham Davies

With a duration of 33 seconds, the Speaker's resignation statement was probably 20 seconds too long. If anything, it was an even worse presentation performance than he had managed the previous day.

He didn't bother to learn it. He spoke in with a whispered, almost effeminate voice. If it wasn't for the high-tech microphone system built into his throne, no-one in the House would have been able to hear him. And worst of all, he only looked up once from his script. He is clearly too embarrassed...or still too arrogant...to look the world in the eye.

This was not a contrite and humble man. This was a graceless goodbye. Never forget that he only resigned because he eventually realised that he would lose the vote, and not because it was the right thing to do.

My final verdict: not only is he a very poor Speaker, but he is also a very poor speaker.

Roast Speaker Anyone?
by Graham Davies

This afternoon I sat in the Stranger's Gallery of the House of Commons so that I could see first hand whether the Speaker deserved to survive.

He produced the worst example of high-pressure presenting that I have ever seen. He read out his statement without once looking at the audience who were judging him. His voice had all the power and sincerity of a man checking through someone else's shopping list.

It wasn't just a bad speech. It was pathetic.

He then went on to squirm and wriggle his way around the question of whether MP's would be allowed to vote on his future. This is typical of his cowardice: hiding behind a technicality when he should be facing up to what he has done.

His performance poured napalm on the bonfire that the House is building for him. But such is his blind arrogance that he still cannot see that his credibility has already melted away.

I repeat the last 2 sentences of my last blog.

The Speaker Thug
by Graham Davies

Just because they were elected by secret ballot does not mean that MPs should have secret expenses. However, this is not a view shared by the Speaker of the House. He was the one who led the fight to stop the disclosure. Worse than that, he has acted like a petulant child over the last 3 days.

The Speaker is meant to be the arbiter of Fair Play in the House of Commons: the man who ensures that the rules are obeyed. He is definitely not meant to defend the selfish interests of MPs at all costs.

He has made it quite clear that he is more upset about the leaking of expenses claims than he is about the inherent dishonesty involved in the claims themselves. Any MP bold enough to question his behaviour has been rudely squashed. He has shown a Soviet intolerance for opinions other than his own.

If Cameron comes across as a smug Head Boy, the Speaker is most certainly the School Bully.

The way he presents himself and the way he presents the credibility of the Mother of Parliaments is simply not good enough. It is time for the House to show some collective balls at long last.

They have to get rid of him. Immediately.

Hollow Cameron
by Graham Davies

David Cameron has tried to present himself as a strong, decisive and virtuous leader over the issue of expenses. He has failed.

His speech yesterday included a carefully-rehearsed dose of indignation and horror that colleagues of his could possibly have acted in such an appalling way. This injection of emotion is utterly false....because Cameron has known about all this for months, or maybe even for years.

He has only reacted now because the Daily Telegraph has caught the House of Commons with its collective trousers down. He comes across, yet again, as the pompous Head Prefect puttting on an act to impress the teachers.

Can anyone believe that he really did not know what his whoop of Old Etonian chums were up to? That one of them was asking for a sympathetic attitude to his claim for household expenses because "it takes 4 hours to mow the lawn"?

Politicians have an endless capacity to disappoint. Just to emphasize this, yesterday I received a letter from the Kensington and Chelsea Conservative association. They were asking for money. I tore it up and threw it in the bin.

The Drogba Effect
by Graham Davies

Here is the text of an email written a couple of days ago by a certain Norwegian referee:

"Dear Didier,

This is just a short note to thank you and your Chelsea colleagues, especially Messrs Terry and Ballack, for your immediate feedback on my refereeing performance during the Barcelona match. It is very easy for an official to become too aloof from the players on the pitch. However, the sheer professional maturity of your comments meant that they came close to making me change my mind about all 4 of my penalty decisions.

In fact, if you had only shouted, waved your finger and bulged your eyeballs at me a bit more during the game instead of immediately afterwards, you could be looking forward to finishing off your season in Rome instead of Wigan.

But no hard feelings, eh? Next time you will know that referees, who are all overpaid compared to long-suffering players, really need as much help, guidance and swearing as possible while doing their job.

Anyway, cheers.....oh, and you might want to get that thyroid problem sorted out."

Don't Twitter
by Graham Davies

There is a clue in the name, which suggests the valueless squeaking of insignificant creatures.

Twittering is a presentational liability, because it encourages you to engage your thumbs on a keyboard before you have properly engaged your brain. This is especially true if you twitter the content of someone else's speech while they are still speaking. It is extremely difficult to listen to something, form an opinion, think of the words that encapsulate that opinion and then type them out....at the same time as listening to what the speaker is saying next.

A skilled news professional can just about do it...as long as what he is conveying is essentially reportage with very little personal opinion.

But if anyone else tries, their immediate and unconsidered opinion-spouting will get in the way of careful listening. There is a real danger of inaccuracy.

You should be very careful about sending an email that is read by one person. You should be enormously careful about sending a communication that could be read by thousands of people. Inaccuracy and inadequate analysis could lead to annoyance, ill-will and defamation proceedings.

In communication, spontaneity and speed can be good things. Careful analysis and calculation are better.

So, don't Twitter immediately unless you don't mind looking a twit. And I've cleaned that up a bit.

Welcome Gurkhas
by Graham Davies

Stuff Party Politics. It was certainly an unlikely alliance of Tory, Lib Dem and Labour MPs who defeated the government's attempt to exclude as many Gurkhas as possible from living here. But it was a victory for decency and simple fair play.

Kilo for kilo, the Gurkhas are the fiercest warriors in the world. Their height is inversely proportional to their bravery and loyalty to the British Crown. The role they have played in the security of this country has never been properly repayed in terms of long-term security for them and their families.

The Gurkhas are loyal, patriotic and hard-working....just the sort of people I would like living in my country. In fact, I would rather have them than many people who were actually born here.

You can give your life for us, but you can't live with us is a presentational Micro-Message that has that has hopefully died forever.

The Susan Effect
by Graham Davies

It happens exactly 2 minutes and 3 seconds into the video....a video that has been watched more than 21 million times on You Tube in less than 6 days. It was the moment that Susan Boyle received a standing ovation from a packed theatre for the first two notes of what will most certainly be a brilliant singing career. At the same time she struck a blow for every 40 something who has ever thought that their dream will never come true.

There was hardly a dry seat in the house.

There are some presentation coaches that will tell you that most of anyone's personal impact will always come from how they look. They get this from a widely discredited study that was carried out nearly 40 years ago.

Susan has a very plain appearance....so plain, that you can see some audience members cringing in anticipation of what they have already decided will be an entertainment train wreck. Simon Cowell was clearly relishing the chance to demonstrate his Black Belt in Condesencion. But he really should have realised that something special was about to happen from the bubbling confidence that was obvious in every word that came out of her mouth.

And then the Boyle brilliance burst forth.

You don't have to be a singer to learn from Susan Boyle. The next time you are listening to a presentation, decide nothing about the presenter until well after they have opened their mouth.

And the next time you give a presentation, have the same attitude that Susan showed the first time that she said these words into a sneering camera lens:

I am going to make that audience ROCK.

1997 again
by Graham Davies

It is very difficult for a 12 year old government to present itself in a new way. In his Party Conference speech last October, Gordon Brown tried to re-brand Labour as the party that would create a "New Settlement" for the people of this country.

As a micro-message, it was both bkland and opaque. At the time, few people knew what he meant. 6 months later, few people can remember that he said it.

This is a government that has not run out of steam. It has run out of the will to live. The Parliamentary Labour Party is entirely aware of the uncomforatable similarities with the last year of the Major regime. There is a stale aroma of sleaze, individual abuse of privilege and general lack of competence.

And they just don't have any credible new ideas about fixing the economy that vary much from spending as much as possible with one hand and crossing the fingers of the other.

If Gordon Brown were the Chief Executive of a PLC, he would have had to resign, together with his top management team, many months ago. Perhaps he could have enjoyed a few laughs with Fred Goodwin at an undisclosed tropical location.

But our political system does not include a process for paying off a PM that we really should be rid of. Shame really.

Private Email?
by Graham Davies

E mails are a seductive weapon. They are easy to write and even easier to send.

Unfortunately, once you have sent one , you can't take it back. As a former adviser to the PM was telling me recently.

You Tube has ensured that the presentational mistakes of politicians and celebrities will long outlive them. But you don't have to have a high profile to fall foul of the sheer longevity of cyber-communication.

So...take my advice: when you write an email, assume that the 10 people in the world that you would least like to see it, will see it.

Once you have mastered this, you can then work for Gordon Brown.

Apology to Police
by Graham Davies

I would like to humbly apologise to the Tactical Support Group of the Metropolitan Police. The blog I wrote 3 days ago is grossly inaccurate. I wrongly implied that an officer had assaulted a "protestor". In fact, he was an Evening Standard Vendor on his way home from work.

It is this sort of appalling slander that has seen the resignation of a high-profile political adviser over the last 48 hours. I am consumed with anguish, because the officer clearly suspected Ian Tomlinson of Selling Newspapers in an Offensive Manner. Immediate force was necessary to prevent uncontrolled dissemination of tabloid journalism.

The officer in question has now been suspended, but not questioned. We still do not know why he was wearing a balaclava or why he had covered up his epaulettes. I would be shocked if anyone were to suggest that these were ploys to conceal his identity. He was clearly the sort of public servant that wanted to keep his uniform clean even in the midst of a riot.

But we do know why he has not been questioned. Apparently, he is recovering from a heart attack.

I wish the same could be said of Ian Tomlinson.

G20 Death
by Graham Davies

I can hear the policeman's defence in court already: "The protestor was walking away from me in a threatening manner and the way he had his hands in his pockets made me fear for my life. I was forced to defend myself by hitting him with my baton."

There are many people in this country who feel that demonstrators get what they deserve...after all, they should not have been protesting if they didn't want trouble.

Those people are just plain wrong. Tolerance of mass protest is one of the things that distinguishes us from countries like Russia, China, France and a whole host of more demcocratic entities. This country has always presented itself as a haven of free speech. I hope it always will.

Demonstrations have to be policed. But in Britain it has to be done carefully. Because that is what Britain is all about: a country where the Rule of Law is obeyed by citizens and the police.

Fortunately, there is video footage which will be carefully studied by the Police Complaints Authority and the Crown Prosecution Service. This may well lead to a policeman being prosecuted....something which would never happen in the countries mentioned above.

Policemen do break the rules here, but they will not always get away with it.

The British feel that we are better than other countries. It is the Rules that make us better.

Hamilton's Trouser Inferno
by GrahamDavies

William the Conqueror. Alfred the Great. Ivan the Terrible (and his wife Blodwyn the Dreadfully Disappointed).....the concept of Personal Presentational Branding has been around a long time.

But in 2009, it is easier to build up an image quickly, especially a bad one....and it's the bad ones that are the most difficult to shake off.

Lewis Hamilton is just finding this out. I am not an afficionado of motor racing, so the reasons why the Team Director needed Lewis to mis-speak are not entirely clear to me. Lewis himself says that he did it because he was told to.

This is a defence that has not worked in the courts of Law or Public Opinion since Nuremberg in 1946. It does not sound like a good reason for him to set his pants on fire in the pit lane.

This is desperately sad. Hamilton has become a role model for people who strive to succeed despite disadvantaged backgrounds. But the sheer effort he has put into this has been severely devalued because of this latest episode.

He will have to work very hard over a long period of time to re-brand himself again as an Inspiring Champion instead of Lewis the Liar.

Queen of Hugs
by Graham Davies

The content of the speech was trite and obvious. But the pupils of Elizabeth Garret Anderson School were delighted to be given the old you-can-be-whatever-you-want-to-be-if-you-work-hard-and-love-your-parents stuff that their teachers have already told them many times. In fact, they gave her the sort of screamingly hysterical response that once would have been reserved for Boyzone.

Clichés are certainly more effective when they are presented by the First Lady.....even if she did seem surprised that the USA does not have a monopoly on charming, polite and well brought-up schoolgirls.

But it was not her words that the audience wanted. They wanted her touch. It was delightful to see the Secret Service bodyguards pale at the impending stampede when she announced "I do hugs as well". Michelle will never be a speaker that challenges an audience's intellect. But the world does have room for a presenter who is so indisputably, unequivocally and comprehensively nice.

Politics of Porn
by Graham Davies

What is the difference between Politics and Pornography? If you can't jerk off to it....it's Politics.

As I continue my computer-based weekend social life, I am still staggered that Jaqui Smith's Husband bought porn movies at the taxpayer's expense while working in the House of Commons as her assistant...her, um, Right Hand Man.

It is both an ethical and financial misjudgement of enormous proportions. It is staggering that he should spend £20 of public money on porn...because if you type "porn" into Google, you can get immediate access to over 242 million porn websites for free. Apparently.

What was the G20 exactly?
by Graham Davies

The G20 is where the leaders of the 19 richest countries in the world all stare at Gordon Brown and say, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

Here is the comprehensive and highly predictable list of what was decided by these intellectual titans:

• The Recession is a jolly bad thing
• They need to spend lots of money to sort it out
• It would be good for the Stock Market to pose for a jolly photograph with our thumbs up

And that was about it. Of course, it did not really matter what they came up with, as long as they all decided to do the same thing. It was hardly likely that any country was going to be so indifferent to PR as to say, "Bollocks to all of you. We disagree and we're not signing anything". Not even the French.

Clearly World Leaders have their own perspective on what amounts to Value for Money. 36 hours of the summit cost over 20 million pounds. It won't take them long to get through a Trillion.

Hurricane Hannan
by Graham Davies

Most politicians regard Freedom of Speech not as a right, but as a continual obligation. But not Daniel Hannan. His verbal blitzkrieg on Gordon Brown managed to encapsulate in 3 minutes what many of his Conservative colleagues have spent several years saying.

His performance was a presentational triumph. I accept that there was more than a hint of Smart-Alec-at-the-Oxford-Union....and the speech consisted entirely of assertion without supporting evidence.

But the sheer effort he had put into finding short and memorable phrases (you have run out of our money) paid off handsomely. He had also clearly rehearsed the speech several times so there was hardly a stumble or hesitation when he glanced down at his notes.

The real secret of his success was that the speech was so short.

It was a stunning contrast to David Cameron's 76-minute Party conference speech which seemed to owe alot to Tolstoy.

Whenever you are preparing a speech or presentation, remember that everyone's attention span is so much shorter than it was 10 years ago. No-one wants the chap spouting at the front of the room to take of more of the day than absolutely necessary.

For a speech to be immortal , it does not have to be eternal.

Chatty Obama
by Graham Davies

I have said many times that Obama is an Olympic-level Autocue Athlete. He is now trying to broaden his presentational appeal by being more spontaneous in front of the cameras. He is now so confident about his charisma that he is happy to cause the delay of this week's broadcast of American Idol so that he can make a Presidential Broadcast.

His newly-found chattiness reached its peak on the Tonight show. Let's face it, Jay Leno is no Jeremy Paxman. The unscripted "humour"about his bowling ability "being like something out of the Special Olympics" was not squeezed out by brilliant cross-examination.

He came out with that piece of crassness simply because he forgot one of the cardinal rules of presentation: never relax in front of any audience. You should always stay sharp, focused and calculating....especially when you are trying to look spontaneous.

Here's an idea Mr President: spend a bit less time on fluffy television, and a bit more time with your Treasury team. Create a comprehensive and innovative way of rescuing your economy that doesn't just sound like Spend Spend Spend.

Now that would be special.

What was that, mate?
by Graham Davies

I have watched Deva Kumarasiri interviewed several times on television over the last 36hours. He seems genuinely surprised that his policy of not serving Post Office customers with a poor grasp of spoken English has caused such resentment in the local community.

On camera, there is no doubting his commitment to the cause of linguistic discrimination.

However, his overall presentation of his case was really rather poor. I didn't grasp it at all...because his accent was so strong that I simply could not understand what he was saying.

Cameronspeak
by Graham Davies

David Cameron's speechwriters have a real talent for creating memorable phrases that make headlines. Yesterday, he promised that a Tory government would not behave like "flint-faced turbo-charged accountants when it comes to public spending".

Striking? Yes. Understandable? No.

I am certain that the denizens of KPMG, PWC and their high-adrenalin brethren will not be impressed by Dave's take on their profession.

I think we have more to fear from baby-faced ambition-driven politicians when it comes to public speaking.

Autocue Angst
by Graham Davies

Barack Obama is a Black Belt in the Martial Art of speaking in public using an autocue. Fortunately, he seems to have a sense of humour to go with it.

At the White House yesterday, in a marvellous demonstration of the fallibility of technology, the script of his speech was put up on the autocue screens when it should have shown that of Bernard Cowen , the Irish Prime Minster. Cowen only realised the situation when he started his speech by welcoming himself.

He managed to rescue his credibility by smilingly expressing his exasperation at the fact the machine was not idiot (or politician) proof.

Obama went on to begin his own time at the microphone by thanking the President of the United States. We all hope that this was brilliantly improvised comedy and not the most powerful speaker in the world showing that he is better at reading than thinking in public.

There is a lesson here: never bet your life on an autocue. Always have a copy of your speech in your pocket in case of cock up.

When presenting under pressure, it pays to be paranoid.

Rights said Fred
by Graham Davies

In the higher reaches of the private sector, the term Pension "Rights" is something of a misnomer: you don't get what you deserve, you get what you can negotiate. Fred Goodwin is clearly a master of the art.

Negotiation of a remuneration package is one of the most personal forms of presentation: both sides are talking about the value of a human being and their skills. Fred rates himself very highly and RBS clearly agreed with that valuation. RBS must surely have known the full cost implications of the agreement when they entered into it.

That should be the end of the story, no matter what the rest of us think of the amounts involved. But Harriet Harman says that the pension is not acceptable in the "Court of Public Opinion". As an experienced solicitor, she should not be surprised if a judge thinks that the decision of a Court of Law is more important.

The government also argues that Fred should have the amount reduced in a way that is commensurate with the negative financial consequences to the bank of any poor decisions that he made while holding office.

Fine. Let's have the same formula applied to Tony Blair for the costs incurred by invading Iraq.

Emotional Dignity
by Graham Davies

During the dark early days of the Credit Crunch last year, Gordon Brown almost seemed to thrive. He has a talent for presenting with appropriate dourness when things are at their bleakest, while maintaining an image of personal strength.

We saw even greater depth to this aspect of his character in the House of Commons yesterday. The words he chose to say about the death of Ivan Cameron, and the way that he said them, showed a man who could present with emotion while, crucially, keeping that emotion under control.

The words were simple and the sentences short. His tone was so restrained that he could could have been speaking to an audience of one person and not six hundred. Bearing in mind that his audience were fully aware of his own past loss, he only brought in the gentlest of hints that he knew the something of the pain the Camerons were going through.

It was a masterfully sensitive performance.

If you ever have to do a similar speech, remember this: choose your words so carefully that you are proud of them. Then during delivery, focus on the words rather than the audience.

This is one of the few situations when that is good advice....because concentrating on the words themselves allows you to show emotion, but without letting that emotion control you.