Clegg's Fantasy Speech

by Graham Davies

Nick Clegg has been to bed with more than 30 women and last week he spoke for 50 minutes with out using notes or a teleprompt. These are his two most striking achievements.

So when he said "I want to be Prime Minister", it had as much credibility as I had at the age of 5 when I told my Mum, "I want to be an astronaut".

Safe in the knowledge that he will never be able to carry them out, he boldly listed specific public spending cuts that have to be made. But he didn't have the balls to describe them as "savage" as he had originally intended.

He said that the LibDems' private polls, somewhat differently to all the polls that you and I have seen, show that the General Election is "wide open". Of course, they are right: it is a wide open question as to whether the Tory majority will be 50 or 150.

Overall, the speech was an exercise in schoolboy fantasy. He can now go back to his constituency and prepare for finishing 3rd. Again.