Normal Models?!!

by Graham Davies

This evening I was working out in the gymn and I watched a fashion show on the TV screen in front of me. Unlikely, but true. And I saw something incredible. Something that I have never seen before during any of my many involuntary viewings of the Fashion Presentation genre: the models were cleary enjoying themselves.

Each girl in the show had normal feminine curves instead of the ironing-board-with-feet physique that dominates their sector. They wore make-up that enhanced their good looks. They walked along the stage with obvious enthusiasm. And they also did something that was really strange....something that is usually forbidden in a fashion show: they smiled!

Most models permanently wear the sort of expression that suggests that they have just been forced to go to the cafeteria at their Eating Disorder Clinic.

But the models I saw tonight allowed their enjoyment and their personalities to shine through to what they were modelling...and I actually started to appreciate the excellence of their clothes and the expertise of the designer.

It's about time that the Fashion Industry realised that enthusiasm for the product, from normal-shaped, feminine models, is a highly effective presentational device.

Obnoxious Upselling

by Graham Davies

I have taken a short vacation from blogging, mainly because of not coming across anything that pissed me off enough to blog about it. That all changed today in WHSmith.

Obesity is a killer: one of the biggest causes of heart disease in the western world. It nearly always involves the person concerned having a diet that is obviously less healthy than it really should be. And healthy diets rarely involve significant amounts of crisps or milk chocolate. I speak as an unreformed carbandfatoholic.

I find the compulsory upselling carried out by WHSmith checkout staff to be particularly obnoxious. I was just paying for a newspaper when one said, "Would you like one of these chocolate bars for just a pound?"

I am now reasonably strong about confronting my chocolate problem so I was able to Just Say No. But alot of people are successfully ambushed by this ploy which exploits them when their defences are down.

Don't fall for it. And next time they try it on you, tell them where they can put their Toblerone.

Sugar Moans Again

by Graham Davies

If I ever have 730 million quid in the bank, I hope I do not whine as much as Alan Sugar does. Ironically, this week he has accused struggling businessmen of being "moaners" who live in "Disneyworld". I hope that this is a happier place than Sugarworld, where moaning has been raised to an art form.

Suralan clearly feels that any display of personal charm is a form of presentational weakness. He would like to see himself as a Straight Talker who does not suffer fools gladly. The reality is that he does not like to suffer anyone gladly apart from himself.

He has never learned one of the Cardinal Rules of effective straight talking: being rude makes your point of view far less persuasive.....especially when you happen to be right.

Perhaps we should all take Suralan more seriously. But perhaps he should take himself alot less seriously.

Angry Email Response

by Graham Davies

Unless you are one of the lucky few, you will sometimes receive emails that make you very angry indeed. They may contain offensive allegations, factual inaccuracies and downright insults. And they may even be sent by long-standing, valued clients that you just did not believe were capable of such behaviour.

This is the way to deal with them: write a reply immediately, while your anger is still white-hot. Tackle every insult head-on, countering with several of your own....preferably even ruder than the ones they were stupid enough to use.

Point out the stupidity of every individual piece of inaccuracy. Above all, make it absolutely clear that you take the email as a deliberately hurtful and personal attack. Make your reply accurate, but ensure that it is your emotions that are more noticeable than the facts.

And then........STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER WITHOUT HITTING THE SEND BUTTON. Walk out of the room and do something else completely different.

Most people make the mistake of bottling up their feelings when they are the victims of corporate rudeness. By vomiting them all out onto the screen as soon as possible, you will give your self an emotional enema. Two hours later, you will be ready to compose...and send...the measured and statesmanlike response that will calmly counter the offensive email, while also ensuring the longevity of your relationship with its sender.

Laughing at Griffin

by Graham Davies

The three most powerful presentational weapons for fighting extremism are accuracy, moderation and a sense of humour. They were used with varying degrees of success against Nick Griffin on Question Time.

Griffin clearly wanted to seem as reasonable and mainstream as possible, insisting at a very early stage that his views had been widely exaggerated and misquoted. David Dimbleby nicely punctured that false balloon by reading out a sequence of quotes that Griffin simply could not refute.

It was the mainstream politicians that let the Anti-Fascist side down, especially Jack Straw and Chris Huhne. They were determined to shout their way through pre-prepared rants, no matter what questions were asked. They turned the programme into a "How Outraged Can I Get?" competition. Their staged emotion made me feel nauseous.

Bobby Greer, the playwrite, had exactly the right presentational attitude to Griffin: she treated him as an object of simultaneous tragedy and comedy. She laughed at him and felt sorry for him....but without coming across as hating him.

Of course, this is far too clever an approach for any politician to understand.

Cameron Bores for Britain

by Graham Davies

In the space of 57 tedious minutes, David Cameron managed to change the Party Faithful to the Party Doubtful. I spoke to many otherwise enthuisiastic Tories who were stunned by the pedestrian plod they had just witnessed.

If this speech was an aircraft, not only did it not take off from the runway, it never got out of the hangar. If it has been any more low-key, it would have been subterranean. This was certainly the poorest Public Speaking performance I have seen from a Leader of any British Political Party. He was even worse than Ian Duncan-Smith.

There was nothing new in this speech. We have heard the trite generalities about family, country and community many times before. He didn't announce a single new policy. It is hard to get excited about a future with Dave at the helm because he cannot articulate specifically how he is going to create it.

And the next prime Minister must surely have the courtesy to learn how to use a tele-prompt. He is at his presentational poorest when his nose is buried in his notes.

He clearly wanted to play the speaking game very safely yesterday. But if this was all he could manage, it was hardly worth him turning up on the pitch.

Advice to Dave

by Graham Davies

Remember that the real secret of how to make a really boring speech is to try and include absolutely everything. You did a super job of that in your 72 minute marathon last year. Just maybe a 50 minute sprint would go down better with the punters.

Don't repeat any of theses phrases from your speech on Monday:

We can't afford complacency.
There are tough times ahead.
We must not let Britain down.
It's time for a New Broom.

You have to avoid another torrent of cliches like these. And no more badly-told, dated gags about Ken Clarke's Hush Puppies. The Faithful were clearly embarassed when that one fell flat.

Please come up with some memorable phrases that are as good as Michael Gove's ....or Peter Mandelson's. It's just possible that it was your deliberate decision to ensure that nearly all the speeches this week were boring.....so that the Tories are no longer seen as merely the Party of Shiny Marketing.

But remember that, just because you want to emphasize your substance, it doesn't mean that you should present it in a dull, flat and boring way.