Queen's Speech In Full
by Graham Davies

Save yourself the bother of stretching across the sofa to pick up the remote tomorrow at 3.00pm. I have the Queen's Speech in full:

SYMPATHY TOWARDS SUBJECTS' DIFFICULTIES

We are upset about the credit crunch.
We feel sorry for all our subjects who have been affected by it.
We feel sorry for all our subjects around the Commonwealth who have also been affected by it.

FAMILY

I am very proud of my family.
Especially my grandson who is in the army.

(Seamless segue into ...)

MILITARY

In fact we are very proud of everyone in the armed forces
Especially if they have been affected by the credit crunch

GENERAL

We would like to thank everyone for being so nice to us.
Here are some film clips of some cute children.
But, after all, isn't everything very jolly at Christmas?

CONCLUSION

We've been the Queen, you've been my subjects, thank you, and goodnight.