10 things you won't hear next year
By Graham Davies

Here are 10 things that you definitely will not overhear anyone saying in 2009:

Tonight, live at the Comedy Store: Gordon Brown.

I'm delighted to inform the house that all building works for the Olympics are on schedule and 25% under budget.

The trouble with the Tories is that they've got far too many ideas about what to do to get us out of the recession

And that's yet another massive victory for the England rugby/cricket/football team.

Now is definitely the time to pile into equities.

"A" level exams are so much harder these days.

I have total confidence in the Met's ability to use fire-arms under pressure.

Everyone's forgotten about that silly yacht business and George has still got a lot of credibility as Shadow Chancellor

We really need to buy a house, but there's simply nothing on the market.

Don't worry about me son, we'll be fine for money. I've been paying into a pension fund for years.