Want to buy me some vintage port?
By Graham Davies

Tom Peters, the business uber-guru, doesn’t read my blog looking for tips.

But today I will give you some advice which will be far more valuable than anything Tom can provide. It might save you or your company thousands,maybe millions, of pounds in 2009.

Business will never be the same again. As half the high street disappears without trace, as the automotive industry begs for bail outs, and as banking institutions flail on the brink saved only by the state, there is now no such thing as a rock-solid bluechip company.

What happened at Lehman Brothers has been described as an “uncontrolled bankruptcy”. A $75 billion hole. Did any of Lehman’s suppliers have any idea of its financial incontinence? Unlikely.

This was an impregnable financial behemoth if ever there was one. After all, the company slogan was “LEHMAN BROTHERS: WHERE VISIONS GET BUILT".

Do you have X-Ray vision? How much do you really know about the true financial stuation of the companies you supply or advise? Not much, I'd guess. In which case, it’s time to do some credit crunching of your own.

So, change your Terms of Business right now. Get 100% up front. Always.

Then send me a bottle of vintage port any time one of your clients goes under AFTER they’ve paid your most recent, timely, advance invoice.

Haunting Moments
By Graham Davies

My two favourite moments of 2008 were presentational disasters. One was by Hilary Clinton. The other by Sarah Palin.

Hilary was lagging behind Obama, but fighting hard. It was possible that her toughness and sheer stamina would still win through.

Then came Snipergate: the story she told about stepping off a plane as First Lady in the face of Bosnian gunfire. Unforgiving video evidence told a completely contrary story. Grudgingly she admited that she "mis-spoke".

According to the Oxford Dictionary of Political Euphemisms, to “mis-speak” is “to lie deliberately”. Whichever way you care to put it, this blunder ensured that Obama would be the Democratic candidate.

A few months on and Sarah Palin turned up as God’s saving gift to the Republicans. Her convention speech had been Premier League Political Cabaret. She jolted the McCain campaign into a small lead.

Her crash from Republican Campaign Redeemer to Republican Campaign Wrecker was instant and irreversible. The first two questions of her first major TV interview as VP candidate established that (1) she’d never heard of the Bush Doctrine and (2) she couldn’t name a newspaper she regularly read.

This might be cool and well and good for your average apple-pie-cooking-cheer-leader-raising hockey-mom, but not for an apple-pie-cooking-cheer-leader-raising-hockey-mom with pretensions to Vice Presidential office.

It was a clanger which resounded round the world. From great white hope to great white dope in less than a minute. This collapse gave the final guarantee to an Obama victory, several weeks before Election Day.

Politicians in 2009 beware: presentational mistakes may take just a second, but on Youtube, they will haunt you for ever.

(Try this for size).

Most Memorable?
By Graham Davies

Now is the time when newspaper and TV commentators, weary after weeks of festive wining and dining, opt for the easiest method of column-filling: a list of the most memorable events of 2008. Many of them say it was Obama's victory speech. You may agree.

If you're curious, try this test. Cast your mind back to that night. Remember the huge crowd and the anticipation and the excitement, and the feeling that something great was about to happen. Recall the joyous adrenalin surge as the man walked out on the stage. Picture once again his poise, his dignity and his sheer style as he used the autocue so brilliantly that most TV viewers didn't even realise it was there.

All sorted and firmly fixed in your mind. Now take a piece of paper and write down your best recollection of what he actually said. Do not read my next paragraph until you have done so.

Here is what you can remember:

"We will buy a puppy".

"Yes we can".

There are good speeches, and there are brilliant speeches. How did Obama fare? Well, a good speech tells the audience something useful that they didn't already know, so he half met the criteria: people didn't know he needed to buy a puppy.

However, the information wasn't useful.

A truly brilliant speech tells the audience something very significant that they will never forget. Again, Obama half met the criteria: people won't forget the puppy. But he didn't offer one specific step that he was going to take that would make a difference to the lives of the audience. What he did offer was a hostage to fortune.

You see, in years to come, if he's failed on every political front, smart-aleck commentators will be tempted to turn round and say "but at least the kids got the puppy". This canine stuff is not going to sustain him in office.

After all, a presidency is for four years, not just for Christmas.

China's Secret Weapon
By Graham Davies

Finally, I have to admit defeat. I now know, for certain, that China will take over the world. This is despite the fact that the country's economy (even now) is smaller than that of the UK, and despite the problems inherent in servicing the needs of an enormous population.

There's nothing we can do to stop the Chinese because they have a bristling armoury of weapons, one of which is absolutely unique. Against its frightening force there is no defence. We're not talking about thermonuclear missiles, enormous military forces, or even the country's staggering cash reserves.

This is a weapon which, incredibly, they are fully able to transport openly, directly and freely into the heart of the capital city of any nation they choose to target. It's particularly effective against women and children, but it also weakens the knees of normally hard men.

It's called the Panda.

Every western nation begs to be subjugated by it, and now it's Taiwan's turn. Admittedly, the Taiwan president has said that the arrival of Tuan Tuan and Yuan Yuan (so good they named them twice) does not actually mean his defence forces are relaxing their guard.

Frankly, I don't believe him.

Committee-speak from the Queen
By Graham Davies

It's nice to get things more or less right on occasion. Then again, it didn't take a genius to predict the content of the Queen's speech. (I forgot the stuff about volunteers being the unsung heroes of the community).

Now that the annual address has been aired, as a loyal tax-paying subject, I feel I owe the queen some respectful advice. Here is the topline summary: your content was boring, cliched and patronising. Your delivery was dull and thoroughly insipid, and you looked like Krusty the Clown.

You've been doing this Xmas speech now for 56 years. Time to stop reading the words some committee has come up with. Get some coaching on how to write your own material, together with some coaching on how to say it like the warm grandmother you are.

In 2008 it is time that the Queen of England stopped being the mouthpiece of a civil servant.

Right Message, Wrong Audience
By Graham Davies

I hear C4's alternative Christmas message will be delivered by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran. From what's been leaked of the speech, it sounds like most people, the world over, are really singing from the same peaceful, harmonious hymn sheet (if that's not an inappropriate way of putting it).

It's an incredible and uplifting message from the Iranian leader, scheduled for 7.15pm. Unfortunately, there will be many who won't get to hear it, and they're the ones who most need to see some sense and get a grip on reality. I mean fans of Strictly Come Dancing, Blackadder and Coronation Street. (7.00pm on BBC1, BBC2 and ITV respectively).

Tales of Flab and Frailty
By Graham Davies

Great news from Hawaii in the shape of a top pecs pic of president elect Barack Obama. He looks a hell of a lot hotter than Flabby Clinton did when he was similarly pictured some time back. I always thought Bill had let himself go ever since he and Hilary opened that chain of card shops.

Obama must be packing in one hour a day minimum to keep in this kind of shape. Credit crunch or stomach crunch: which comes first on the soon-to-be-presidential agenda? It must be quite a close run thing.

No problem in wanting to be physically fit, and working out hard to achieve it. In which case, it might also be a good idea for Obama to give up smoking. He is clearly addicted to nicotine as well as exercise. This does not present the strength of mind he will need in his new job.

Of course, you could say Obama's smoking makes him one of us - just an ordinary guy, susceptible to the same old human frailties. Then again human frailty is what got all of us into this mess in the first place.

Queen's Speech In Full
by Graham Davies

Save yourself the bother of stretching across the sofa to pick up the remote tomorrow at 3.00pm. I have the Queen's Speech in full:

SYMPATHY TOWARDS SUBJECTS' DIFFICULTIES

We are upset about the credit crunch.
We feel sorry for all our subjects who have been affected by it.
We feel sorry for all our subjects around the Commonwealth who have also been affected by it.

FAMILY

I am very proud of my family.
Especially my grandson who is in the army.

(Seamless segue into ...)

MILITARY

In fact we are very proud of everyone in the armed forces
Especially if they have been affected by the credit crunch

GENERAL

We would like to thank everyone for being so nice to us.
Here are some film clips of some cute children.
But, after all, isn't everything very jolly at Christmas?

CONCLUSION

We've been the Queen, you've been my subjects, thank you, and goodnight.

End of the Celebrity Ding-Dong?
By Graham Davies

We all like a good old celebrity divorce ding-dong, preferably with filthy-laundry-washing thirty-page spreads in Chat, Bella, Best, OK, Heat and Hello, plus a generous serving of rants and histrionics on chat-show sofas. All strung out for months, all lining the pockets of lawyers. Sadly, this may be a thing of the past. The Judicial Committee of the Privy Council has just decided that the British Courts will recognise agreements about splitting assets in the event of divorce, signed AFTER the wedding. So, never again may the likes of Guy Ritchie and Heather Mills have to creep away with the pittance they received from their exs.

When I practised at the matrimonial bar (from 1986-98) our motto was "Love is grand, divorce is 500 grand". Pretty soon, you'll be able to pick up an off-the-shelf Post-nup pack from a high-street stationers (alongside the DIY wills and Shorthold Tenancy Packs). "Love is grand, divorce is £19.99 from W.H.Smiths". Doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

10 things you won't hear next year
By Graham Davies

Here are 10 things that you definitely will not overhear anyone saying in 2009:

Tonight, live at the Comedy Store: Gordon Brown.

I'm delighted to inform the house that all building works for the Olympics are on schedule and 25% under budget.

The trouble with the Tories is that they've got far too many ideas about what to do to get us out of the recession

And that's yet another massive victory for the England rugby/cricket/football team.

Now is definitely the time to pile into equities.

"A" level exams are so much harder these days.

I have total confidence in the Met's ability to use fire-arms under pressure.

Everyone's forgotten about that silly yacht business and George has still got a lot of credibility as Shadow Chancellor

We really need to buy a house, but there's simply nothing on the market.

Don't worry about me son, we'll be fine for money. I've been paying into a pension fund for years.

“Banks Hit in $50bn Sting”
By Graham Davies

Further testament to the good judgement of bankers and their predictive skills (see below).

Careless Talk Costs Livelihoods
By Graham Davies

A big thank you to John Varley, Group Chief Executive of Barclays, for providing us all with a very valuable insight in an interview yesterday. Not about the credit crunch, about which he’s completely unqualified to comment. (Something he never mentioned 12 months ago because he was busy at the time heading up an international banking business). No, thanks are due to Varley for showing us all that there are times when people in influential positions would be well-advised to keep their gobs firmly shut, and put their egos to one side in the interests of the greater good.

Varley loftily advised an interviewer from the Daily Telegraph that “in our view” house prices would drop a further 15% and bottom out at the end of 2009. Well thanks for that. Thanks for exacerbating the problem you’re commenting on. He’s (perceived to be) a very influential individual. If he states, in a Sky-televised high-profile interview, that the bottom of the market won’t come ‘til 2009 – well, who’s going to buy a house tomorrow?

If John had an ounce of insight into what’s needed right now, he’d have said (something like), “The banking sector has been bailed out by the government, and we’re very grateful to the government for that support. Because of that support, we’ll be able to get the whole mortgage and credit system moving again, to help our customers. By working together we’ll be able to turn things round, sooner than many of us think”.

A bit of backs-to-the-wall, Churchillian, true-Brit, blitz-spirit, “we’re all in this together and we’re going to get through it”: that would have been helpful. Why didn’t he say it? Well, probably because having failed to give any warning about any coming problem at any point in the 12 months preceding the start of the crash, or even when it commenced, he’s now decided to take some precautionary steps to re-assert his own wisdom, and the wisdom of his institution. His prediction is entirely self-interested. In 12 months’ time, if things have gone as he suggests, he’ll be a great financial sage, much to be respected. If things have perked up, no one will notice or particularly care.

What is breath-taking is the sheer arrogance of the man. He sat there and said that the banks’ lending policies had been “madness”, like it was nothing to do with him. And he also said that banks should “take their share of responsibility” for the problem. Since – moving forward - “taking a share of responsibility” involves nurturing consumer confidence, listening to what people say, and understanding how careless talk costs livelihoods these days … well, lesson one for that elevated individual who is John Varley is to think very carefully before you open your mouth. At all.

Honest Advice - For Hilary
by Graham Davies

Be tough, be knowledgeable, be diplomatic, and most of all, be honest.

These characteristics aren’t essential for misunderestimated presidents who can’t recall the name of the leader of Pakistan, who don’t believe there’s sufficient evidence of global warming to warrant signing up to international agreements on climate change, who have bad memory lapses about the extent and timing of their military service, and who don’t know the difference between Slovakia and Slovenia.

But anyone wanting the job of Secretary of State in the US administration needs to demonstrate all of these qualities. There’s no doubt Hilary Clinton is tough (you have to be to ride out the kind of character assassinations she’s suffered over the years), and she seems knowledgeable (as she’s always telling us).

But diplomacy is not her strong card. This is the former candidate who once indicated that one of the reasons she was staying in the Nomination race was that there was always a chance that her opponent might get assassinated.

And the bigger problem is honesty. Her campaign-trail misspeaking/minor blip/misstatement (aka “lie”) about landing in Bosnia under sniper fire might be dismissed as par for the course in the bloody hand-to-hand combat of nomination, and she dismissed this slight error very eloquently:

"I went to 80 countries, you know. I gave contemporaneous accounts, I wrote about a lot of this in my book. You know, I think that, a minor blip, you know, if I said something that, you know, I say a lot of things - millions of words a day - so if I misspoke, that was just a misstatement."

You know.

(Incidentally, just for the sake of the pedantry, and worrying about honesty and accuracy, if you wanted to talk a million words per day, that would be 11.574074 words per second, every second of every minute for 24 hours).

The point being: put that behind you Hilary, own up to it, cast it in the context of fighting the good fight to get the nomination, and make sure – absolutely sure – that you present yourself with real integrity.

You can use all the slick tricks in the book – PR, spin, advertising whatever – to sell a product, and you can get away with it and even do rather well. For a while. But ultimately, if what you’re selling isn’t any good, people find out. If it lacks fundamental integrity (and you’ve spent a lot of time telling them it IS the real deal), then you’re in big trouble.

So. Honesty, Hilary. One of the essentials, whenever anyone presents to the public. Whether it’s to an annual company conference, or a worldwide audience of billions.

A Victory for Plucky Welsh Defiance
by Graham Davies

I fit the Welsh sporting stereotype: I'm a passionate fan of the national game.

In Saturday’s match against the All Blacks, after leading 9-6 at half time, Wales were outplayed in the second half. It was hardly surprising, as New Zealand are a vastly superior team.

One of the most important weapons in the All Black armoury is the Haka. They say that it is merely a traditional challenge to their opponents. Frankly, this is rubbish. It is intended to be ritualised intimidation. Most teams do not know how to react: they turn into a disparate group mammoths, with an average weight of 16½ stone, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot like little lost boys, desperately trying not to look scared in front of Mum watching on telly.

Wales were different. They just stood motionless and stared at the All Blacks during the Haka…..and after it. Their statuesque statement said, "And? Your point is?"

In fact, it was the All Blacks who ended up not knowing what to do. They tried to re-form and out-match the Welsh Silent Stare. But the damage was done. The Haka and the response ended up unsettling New Zealand and inspiring Wales. It certainly accounts for such a blandly adequate first half display by a team which should always be 20 points better than their hosts.

Never forget the power of body language, even in the most intimidating of situations. It can set you up for a superb presentational performance, even before you open your mouth for the first time.

The final score on Saturday was Wales 9, New Zealand 29. It was also Defiance 1, Intimidation Nil.

Retiring Gracefully
By Graham Davies

Ten minutes ago, I received news that our entertaining guest decided to depart the dinner table. He never intended to become the main event, he didn't want to embarrass his host, and so in gentlemanly, gracious style, he opted to slip away from the party.

The panel is strangely perplexed, crestfallen and confused. It's the result they wanted. But it wasn't delivered to them in the way they wanted it. In terms of judging a situation and measuring his audience, you have to say that this was one piece of footwork from John which was faultlessly professional.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner: Len or John?
By Graham Davies

You're having a smart dinner with some rich professional friends. Along comes an unshaven, scruffily dressed chap, who gets confused over which knife and fork to use and when. But he's self-deprecating about his appearance, he has a natural charm, he's intelligent, he's entertaining, he's generous to others, and he's funny. So what do you do? Throw him out because he doesn't know which way to pass the port? Certainly not (unless you're an unpleasant, arrogant snob who puts the conventions and protocols of dining ahead of the personal appeal of your guests).

Strictly Come Dancing is the party, Len is the snobbish host, John Sergeant is our surprising visitor and the other diners are the voting public. Len's spoiling the party by getting all worked up and acid about John's inability to hold his cutlery the right way, and the more Len gets worked up, the more of a fool he looks, and the more everyone wants their unconventional new friend to stay.

We all love the underdog; we warm to people who're nice. And we hate stuffy, arrogant, pompous, humourless, narrow-minded individuals who expect everyone else to fall into line with their elevated expert opinion.

But Len's probably well aware of that: big-brother-X-apprentice-idol-factor-reality telly needs goodies and baddies if it's to raise any interest whatsoever, so maybe canny Len's just looking out for a long contract for himself and the approval of his paymasters, Simon Cowell style. Which leaves John as the fall guy and the paying public as the willing dupes.

There is a useful lesson from all this: whenever you are presenting yourself, if you take yourself too seriously for the circumstances, you will end up looking ridiculous. No-one will listen to you, like you…or be persuaded by you. On the other hand, a sense of self-deprecation and self-parody is actually very powerful. That’s the reality of it.

Foster Care in the Third Reich?
By Graham Davies

Councillor Michael Stark of Redbridge Council told Jon Gaunt of Talksport that the authority had instituted a blanket ban on smokers becoming foster carers. Jon told him he was a Nazi. From which I conclude that Adolf Hitler had a foster care policy based on an enlightened and advanced understanding of the risks of passive smoking.

Alternatively, Jon is someone who thinks it's OK to suggest that anyone he doesn't agree with him subscribes to Nazi values, attitudes and actions. These would include mass murder, racism, and crimes against humanity, which isn't an acceptable thing to say about anyone. Apart from Nazis, of course.

People might argue that "Nazi" is passing into common useage to mean anyone who holds fanatical views relating to anything at all. Maybe so. But words will always set off resonances which cut right back to their roots. And in an internet age, it's more critical than ever to take real care over your remarks. Anyone fancy a "crusade against terror", Mr.Bush?

Like you, vote for me
By Graham Davies

For Lewis Hamilton the magic number was 98 to become champion of the world. For Barack Obama and John McCain it is 270.

Whether it is votes, goals, points or position, success is a binary business. ‘Better’ or ‘More’ has to be calculated, and an assembly of ones and zeros is the only way to provide clarity.

However, how you obtain your success is far from binary. For Obama and McCain, getting people to vote for them it is not a black and white issue. They must persuade the electorate that either by way of natural fit or contrast they are just right for the White House. Persuasion involves a lot of grey.

In the American sales-centric society, there is almost a genetic predisposition toward persuasive presentations.

Both presidential candidates have extensively exploited the likeability factor in persuasion: I do what you do, I talk like you, I look like you….so I can represent you.

Even the otherwise cartoon-like Sarah Palin has done this well. By continually playing the ‘I am like you’ card she has made very little go a very long way in one-dimensional Middle-America.

Mind you, this approach works no matter what the nationality of the audience.
If you reflect their attitudes, goals, beliefs, and vocabulary, they will open their minds to be persuaded.

In the USA tonight, the grey of the persuasive process will only again become black and white with the ink on millions of ballot papers.

Brand and Ross Wireless Wirewalkers
By Graham Davies

Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross are essentially paid danger money to walk the line of comedic acceptability. As Ross’s remuneration is £18 million over 3 years the BBC must accept that the danger is ever present and they should police situation accordingly.

Comedy is the high wire act of entertainment. Just because the ‘Sachs attack’ was perpetrated by experienced wirewalkers, it was not necessarily funny. More like third form humour with all the short trousered sophistication of Bart and his prank calls to Mo.

Such is the ego of these hapless radio hacks that they are only happy when they are being recorded, so how wonderful when the fall guy is not in and the moment is captured on an answer phone. So the victim can enjoy their genius again and again.

To take nine minutes on air to snigger about sex with an actor’s grand-daughter, it must have been very funny indeed. No wonder it was signed off as top quality broadcast material.

With a wife who is an accomplished writer, more than a bit of experience in broadcast and a speech impediment, we would all imagine that Ross understands that what you say is important.

Politicians and leaders in business know all to well that if they don’t get the words right they well might be asked to get out. This is why humour should be treated like caviar and not spread around like marmalade.

Sadly, Ross is starting to believe his own label as ‘Jonathon Ross the funny man’. In doing so, he has forgotten the fundamentals of comedy. Be outspoken, be outrageous, be ingenious, be clever but most of all….. …….be funny.

Tory Talk Talk
By Graham Davies

The war time maxim was loose lips sink ships. Today it has changed to loose lips on ships sink careers.

George Osbourne initially thought that he could use this to his advantage. He let slip, at some length, that he had heard the maestro of manipulation Mandelson speak his mind about what makes Gordon Brown so awful. How naïve: breaking a confidence only to tell us all something that was obvious.

As George comes from excellent stock, he should have known the rules of tiger hunting. Check there is only one of them and make sure you kill with the first shot. If you don’t, it will have your arm off before there is time to reload.

As it happened, unfortunate George found the response came from a different direction: a similarly plummy chum who believed in quid pro quo.

The exposure of a conservative plot to ram-raid a Russian oligarch’s petty cash tin showed how seedy things can get, even in very glamorous surroundings. The ensuing he said, she said, they said left us all past caring.

George will hang on to his job by his fingernails. However, I hope he remembers a key concept: in any presentation situation you must resist the desire to tell all. Editing for impact is the best way to create maximum effect…and maximum career longevity.

Brown's day has come
by Graham Davies

Some people are designed for disasters. Gordon Brown is one of them. During the jolliest of times, his demeanour is a cross between that of an emergency surgeon and an undertaker. Even when he is talking about good news, there seems to be an undertone of misery. He is banned from the House of Commons bar during Happy Hour.

But I think we can all agree that he is now the right man in the right job at the right time. He automatically presents himself as the only one with the intellect, experience and core attitude that the country needs. Frankly, we want a prime minister to look miserable at the moment. Somehow, I can’t imagine the solution to banking crisis being as well presented by posh DavenGeorge, fresh from the school debating club.

It is actually very difficult to think of anything that Brown could have presented better over the last 10 days. There was one occasion last week when he was speaking at an awards dinner about a subject that was totally unrelated to the credit crunch. Suddenly a mobile phone went off in the audience very loudly. Usually, this is an uncomfortable embarrassment for a senior political figure. They are usually incapable of the fast verbal footwork that turns the interruption into a positive. However, on the sixth reign Brown looked up, smiled just slightly, and said “I hope that isn’t another bank going down.”

It was a comedy triumph. I have never seen him look so liberated. He is in danger of becoming a serious politician with an effective sense of humour. What a frightening thought.

The real McCain the real McCoy
by Graham Davies

It was the best of speeches and it was the worst of speeches. Worst in the sense that he made most of the mistakes that is was possible for a public speaker to make; best in the sense that it was a true reflection of the determined character of the man.

Ironically, the shear brilliance of Sarah Palin’s speech gave McCain licence to play safe. This is just as well, because ‘safe’ is the only item on his public speaking menu. He also suffers from an incurable disability: an almost total inability to use his facial muscles. His face looks like it has been nipped, tucked and bolted back on again with an extra layer applied by Madame Tussauds. The only time he breaks through the botox barrier is when he smiles. Unfortunately the smile is so stiff and forced that you are not sure whether it is showing amusement or constipation.

The speech was certainly noticeable for what he did not say. He never said the two words that could be fatal to his campaign: George Bush. He has become the President whose name they dare not speak.

It was also nearly 45 minutes into the speech before McCain mentioned God, which must be an all time record for a Republican Politician.

The opening was a torrent of bland pleasantries. We only saw a hint of warmth under the waxwork when he responded in his clunky but spontaneous way to some heckling. The core message, that America needs change but change with a safe pair of hands, was a good one. Mind you, it was rather disturbing when he said that they also needed to get back to basics. Essentially this meant that he was not only stealing ideas from Obama but also John Major as well.

However, the determined solid fighter did shine through when he again told his story about being a prisoner in Vietnam. It may well be a familiar story but when you see it told by him you can get a measure of his genuine character. He comes across as a hard but sensitive man who can fight when he has to but can also compromise when he has to.

The last ten lines of the speech was a sequence of highly polished one liners that were clearly provided for him by a team of writers. They worked so effectively so that he had to keep talking though an ever increasing storm of applause and cheers. The smile he came out with at the end said to me “I’ve survived five years of Vietnamese torture and I am even more pleased to have survived fifty five minutes of public speaking.”

McCain will never enjoy public speaking and he will never be more than adequate performer but he is the type of guy who can grit his teeth and get through something because he just has to. This might be the type of guy that would make rather a good President.

PowerPoint Palsy
By Graham Davies

PowerPoint encourages exhaustive detail that in turn causes audiences to twitch with exhaustion. There is always just one more bullet that you can add on to that slide…and always a few more slides that you can create.

The feeling is seductive: “I’ve created loads of slides, with loads of words on them, so I must have prepared properly. In fact, that is all I have to do. The exact words that I need to say will just come to me when I am actually speaking.”

Some presenters are actually proud of their reputation for length and detail. They wear the mark of the serial PowerPoint criminal as a badge of honour. They feel it is the fault of the audience if they can’t quite find the message inside the maze of slides. This type of presenter is quite happy to facilitate the tyranny of PowerPoint: a one party state where Big Brother Is Boring You.

This is submission to software. The presenter is surrendering his central role to the words on screen. He is abdicating from his role as a leader.

A presentation only works where human-to-human contact is maximised. Slideware can get in the way.

I once saw a presentation delivered by a high ranking IBM executive. Some technical foul-up occurred just before he started, so that he was forced to present Commando (i.e. without slides). Mysteriously, his laptop started working again about a minute before he finished. Showing remarkable mental agility, he managed to immediately access and display his summary slide. This acted as a superb overview, bringing together and focusing everything that he had said in the previous 15 minutes.

He then experienced an audio-visual epiphany. He paused, looked at his laptop, looked at the audience, looked at the screen, back at the audience, paused again and said, in a dramatic whisper:

“Maybe that’s the only slide I needed in the first place.”

I managed to restrain the urge to leap up from my seat and shout, “Hallelujah! Amen, brother!”

In the bar that night, his was the only presentation that people were talking about. The previous eight presenters had used over 150 slides and about 700 bullet points between them. I asked some of the people in the bar which of the day’s slides they could remember. And they could only remember the IBM guy’s 3-point summary slide.

This is the best way to use bullet-point slides: just one notch above total disappearance.

Dump the Queen's English
By Graham Davies

"To boldly go where no man has gone before" is the most split infinitive of them all, but it has also made the opening sequence of Star Trek probably the most quoted in TV history. Hamlet's unforgettable slings and arrows of outrageous fortune are part of an equally incorrect mixed metaphor.
You don't need good grammar to communicate well. The key to success is to make your message memorable.

"Gillette: the best a man can get". No verb, no sentence and no doubt about the message. Even grammatically correct phrases can be misleading. Charles Kennedy recently referred to the liberal democrats as “The Third Party". I assume the other two are Fire and Theft.
You can't abandon grammar entirely. But use it as a platform, not a straight jacket. The best political speeches contain phrasing that is hard to forget (mind you, John F Kennedy's "Ich bien ein Berliner" actually means "I am Jam Doughnut").

Don't worry about grammar, worry about grabbing them. Colourful phrasing stimulates the memory. You want to be remembered for your message. Your message is what you would say if you only had 10 seconds in which to say it. It is the core, the essence of your speech, what you want the audience to remember above all else.

You should spend more time formulating the message than on any other part of your preparation. If you don't have a clear message, you don't have a clear presentation.

In a business speech, the message must clearly encapsulate what your audience needs to know. You don't need Churchillian poetry, but you need clear, concise, plain English. "John Bull Building creates unique homes for families who value space, light and quality".

In politics these days, memorable phrases are commonplace. Even from William Hague: "The powers of this country are being taken away slice by slice with our own Prime Minister wielding the knife."

If you can mix your metaphors so effectively, then your business presentations will become a whole new kettle of ball games.

Audience Analysis
By Graham Davies

Most people start preparing for a presentation by thinking, "What shall I say?" What they should be thinking is "Who am I saying it to?"
Any communication is only as good as your understanding of the people you are trying to communicate with.

Even through you may have presented your product dozens of times before, the presentation must be tailored to cater for the specific needs of this audience. Everyone likes to hear something which feels bespoke rather than off-the-shelf.

Find out as much as you can about the audience. These are the basic questions you must ask:

· Who are they? (Salesmen, accountants, managers, children, convicts)
· What is the age range and the nationality split?
· How big is the audience?
· Do they expect to have an extended Q & A session?
· Will they be having any other presentations from other people before or after you?
· How long do they expect your presentation to be?
· What do they already know about your subject?
· What do they need to know about your subject?
· What are the main business concerns that this group has?
· Will there be any particularly important decision-makers present?
· Is there a way of ensuring the attendance of a crucial decision-maker?

It should be very easy to find out the answers to these questions. Simply ask the organiser of the event or your contact at the client company. They should be impressed by your desire for in-depth knowledge.

Don’t just rely on your primary contact. Speak to members of your audience several days before hand if you possibly can. Ask them what they would like to get out of your presentation: most people are flattered to be asked.
You may also know someone who has addressed this group in the past. He may be able to tell you about any disturbing audience quirks e.g. a hatred of visual aids or humour.

When the audience is very small (4 people or less) you should be able to find out the names of each person and talk to all of them in advance (or their PA). It is very unlikely that a potential audience member will say to you, "No – I don’t wish to give you any guidance on what I need to get from your presentation."

Only after asking the right questions is it possible to prepare the right presentation for your audience. It is in their interest to help you.

American Business Presenters
By Graham Davies

Americans are exposed to high pressure presentations at an early age: their so called “show and tell” presentations at school. I think that toughens them up.

In general, Americans are better presenters. They are:

1. Well-prepared
2. Confident
3. Concise

Here, 1 leads to 2 which leads to 3.

No presentation has ever failed because of too much preparation. If you know you haven’t prepared well enough, you are right to feel less than confident. And, if you are confident you have selected the right material, you will be appropriately brief.

America is the home of the sound bite and the 10 second commercial. Americans know that they cannot keep the attention pf a business audience for long.

Some European presenters say, with a sneer, “American presenters are too slick, too polished.”

Frankly, this is just jealousy. European audiences have sat through too much PowerPoint Prozac. They would love to see some American Polish.

Immediate Apology
By Graham Davies

The Bellagio Casino is classy in everything that is does including the way its staff communicates. I got back to my room at 11:30 one night to discover that the air conditioning was not working and the room was uncomfortably warm. I immediately phoned Housekeeping to ask them to sort it out. They told me that they would inform Maintenance. Twenty minutes later, I was still sitting in stifling heat so I phoned Housekeeping again and asked to be put directly through to Maintenance. The lady at the other end of the phone said, “It’s not our policy to put guests through to the Maintenance department.”

This annoyed me, so I asked to speak to the Duty Manager. Once I described the situation, he immediately said, “I really am very sorry for the inconvenience you have been caused. I realise that you must be sitting in a very warm room and all you want to do is get some sleep. Would you please accept with my compliments a $100 credit on your room account? I will get someone to your room immediately.”

Four minutes later, a very chirpy fellow with a big box of tools appeared at my door and it took him about 90 seconds to solve the problem.

The Duty Manager had done everything right:

· He immediately acknowledged that the service I had received was not good enough.
· He graciously apologised for this.
· He took immediate action.

As far as I was concerned, he did not need to offer me the monetary compensation, but I was delighted by the gesture anyway.

When you are at the receiving end of someone presenting a genuine grievance, immediate acknowledgement and sympathy are vital…unless you do not wish to admit that you or your company are at fault in any way. Lack of acknowledgement will inevitably mean that the conversation will become a confrontation.

I suggest that the communication style of the Bellagio is something that most companies should aspire to.