Emotional Dignity
by Graham Davies

During the dark early days of the Credit Crunch last year, Gordon Brown almost seemed to thrive. He has a talent for presenting with appropriate dourness when things are at their bleakest, while maintaining an image of personal strength.

We saw even greater depth to this aspect of his character in the House of Commons yesterday. The words he chose to say about the death of Ivan Cameron, and the way that he said them, showed a man who could present with emotion while, crucially, keeping that emotion under control.

The words were simple and the sentences short. His tone was so restrained that he could could have been speaking to an audience of one person and not six hundred. Bearing in mind that his audience were fully aware of his own past loss, he only brought in the gentlest of hints that he knew the something of the pain the Camerons were going through.

It was a masterfully sensitive performance.

If you ever have to do a similar speech, remember this: choose your words so carefully that you are proud of them. Then during delivery, focus on the words rather than the audience.

This is one of the few situations when that is good advice....because concentrating on the words themselves allows you to show emotion, but without letting that emotion control you.

Prison Presentation
by Graham Davies

Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison has a truly horrible history. It was originally a torture centre for Saddam. But it only became notorious internationally because of graphic pictures of inmate abuse by American soldiers when the US used it as a venue for imprisonment without trial.

Now it has re-opened after a complete renovation. There is a gym, a computer room and a visitor centre with a play area to occupy the children of those visiting detainees.

It even has a snappy new name: "Baghdad Central Prison".

It warms my heart to see the Iraqi Justice Ministry acknowledging the importance of Image and Presentation...even for a captive audience.

Winslet "Working"
by Graham Davies

All Kate's usual magic presentational ingredients were there: the hyper-ventilation, the flapping arms and typical lack of professional composure...all shown off nicely by the peculiar gown that she couldn't get her left arm through properly.

There was the embarassing wave-and-whistle routine with her dad and perhaps just a hint of clever thought when she acknowledged "none of us can quite believe we are in the same category as Meryl Streep".

But this time she had something different to...well, play with. She had the acting profession's Ultimate Aid to Self-Stimulation. An actual Oscar.

She seemed to have no idea of the level of physical excitement she was betraying as her heavy breathing reached new heights while she pumped the statuette up and down with her right wrist.

Truly a a whole new type of Gushing Acceptance Speech. There was hardly a dry seat in the house.

Slumdog Garbage
by Graham Davies

Like many cinemagoers, I hope to be entertained and have a good time. If you feel entertained by extreme violence, multiple murders, torture, child abuse, child prostitution and mutilation, together with liberal doses of human excrement…..then Slumdog Millionaire is the film for you.

I felt sick after the first 5 minutes and only stayed because I was reviewing the film for a radio programme.

I admit that there is a predictably nice romantic ending, but it is not worth the effort of sitting through 2 hours which celebrated human degradation.

I am staggered by Slumdog’s success, because it is the worst sort of Feel Bad film.

Save your money and stay at home. Or go and see something less violent and generally despicable. Like Friday the 13th.

Candid Banking At Last?
By Graham Davies

Fresh from reading the latest reports from the Parliamentary Select Committee on Financial Sevices, I walked into my branch of Barclays on High Street Kensington. Their approach is clearly opposite to that of the Costa Brava Tourist Board.

On the wall, I saw a refreshing ad for Barclays' own services, set out precisely like this:

Other banks have mortgages they would love to sell you.

We have a mortgage we think you will love.

YOUR HOME MAY BE REPOSESSED IF YOU DO NOT KEEP UP YOUR MORTGAGE PAYMENTS

This high profile schizophrenia is the dawn of Integrity Marketing in the banking sector. Tomorrow, I look forward to

Your money is safe with Barclays

DON'T TRUST US, WE'RE IDIOTS

Investigating all this a bit further, on the savings side of the RBS website, I hope to soon see the following, slightly adjusted copy:

At RBS, you’ll find the perfect home for your money

AFTER ALL, SOMEONE HAS TO PAY OUR BONUSES

Honest Ads At Last?
By Graham Davies

The Costa Brava and Pyrenees Tourist Board have an interesting attitude to visual honesty in presentation. Their most recent ad for their region features a gorgeously sunny, shiny white sandy beach.....in the Bahamas.

When this small inconsistency was pointed out, a Director said that the photograph nevertheless presented "the right concept".

This opens up a whole new avenue of presentation. An Aston Martin advertising a Skoda? A picture of George Clooney to trail the David Dickinson-fronted Real Deal? Or a flushing toilet to promote a hedge fund?

Less Words, More Impact
By Graham Davies

Now that the authorities have released the relevant radio transcripts, it’s apparent that the Chuck Norris Award for Minimum Use of Words for Maximum Impact has to go to Captain Chesley Sullenberger of US Airways.

I realise that he has decades of experience and training behind him, and he was flying a top class bit of kit with an equally professional team around him. But in exceptional circumstances, decades of experience and training and professional practice can desert even the most skilled professional in an instant of terror and pure panic.

Sullenberger, by contrast, was unperturbed. When he realised that there was only one possible destination for his plane (a point at which many professional communicators would have used a combination of swear words and desperate appeals to a variety of deities) all he said to the control tower was "We're going to be in the Hudson".

Minimum words, maximum heroism.

I’d like to think there’s one bit missing from the tape. It’s the bit at the very end where he says "Just finishing off the old Murray Mint, what”.