Predictable Chancellors

by Graham Davies

All 3 were smooth and sleekly rehearsed, with opening statements that were the epitome of bland vanilla efficiency.

But it was immediately clear that Vince Cable held a political and physical position that Osborne and Darling both envied: smugly central and devoid of past responsibility or potential future high office. He was the only one who was prepared to say where the biggest cuts should come and how much they should be.

I could sense the other 2 thinking, "You wouldn't be so keen on telling the truth if you had any chance of actually being Chancellor. You lucky sod."

The main football match was between Darling and Osborne. But Cable had the delicious privilege of playing for a third team that didn't need to defend, but was allowed to score by kicking the ball into the goal of either the other 2 teams.

Naturally, there were no big scores or big misses. Final score: nil-nil-nil.

The only thing I really disliked was when they agreed with each other. We can't have top politicians doing something as stupid as that.