Clarke of Kent

by Graham Davies

Isn't it fabulous to see an obviously decent bloke winning against the odds?

Darren Clarke is a golfer who is deemed worthy enough to be sent two Good Luck texts by Tiger Woods. He is such a nice guy that his two closest American rivals deliberately played a fistful of crappy shots to make sure that he won.

He also managed a Presentational Triumph that nicely topped off the golfing one.

Darren's acceptance speech could have been an uncomfortable experience for millions of people. Despite feeling enormous sympathy for him, we really did not want to see him cry. Again.

But he had clearly thought carefully about his words. And prepared some brief notes that he used as something to focus on under pressure. That is how he controlled his emotions, instead of allowing his emotions to control him.

This was Super Darren's day. Not even a kryptonite microphone would have stopped him.

FO Presentation

by Graham Davies

Last Night, William Hague continued the tradition style of Foreign Office Crisis Presentation. He was able to say, categorically, that:

1. It is unwise for British citizens to travel to Libya.

2. The Foreign Office is in posession of information that strongly indicates that Colonel Gadaffi is now in Venezuala OR is travelling to Venezuala OR is about to travel to Venezuala OR is staying in Libya and has no intention of travelling to Venezuala or anywhere else.

3. He is concerned about the level of violence in Libya and would like it to stop.

It is this level of presentational decisiveness that gives our country its current position of influence on the World Stage.

How to Accept an Award

By Graham Davies

It's Awards Season again, so bear the following in mind if you are receiving one on stage:

1. There is never any excuse for anyone saying "I don't know what to say", especially when you have known for weeks that you are on a short-list.

2. Start with something sharp and striking. Make the audience realise immediately that, at last, here is someone worth listening to.

3. Make your gratitude special and specific. Don't recite a featureless sequence of names: include a carefully-phrased half-sentence about each person's contribution so that they sound like talented human beings instead of items on a shopping list.

4. Do NOT say the words "Thank You" until right at the end, just before you leave the stage. Continuous repetition devalues the concept, whereas it sounds appropriately precious if you say it once with total conviction, as your punchline.

5. Learn and rehearse your words. And hire a really good coach to ensure that you have rehearsed your spontaneity professionally. You must be able to get your words out effectively, no matter how badly Ricky Gervais has upset you.

Cameron's Roots

by Graham Davies

A few silver hairs can make a politician or businessman look more mature and statesmanlike. They can automatically increase the gravitas of the person from whose head they spring.

David Cameron clearly does not agree with my first paragraph. Somehow, all of his head-hair has turned implausibly black. Not a hint of grey. Not anywhere. Nowhere that we are likely to see anyway.

It is not likely that the carbon emmission level in London has got so high that there has been an outbreak of Spontaneous Darkening. We have to examine the possibility that his lurch to the Extreme Right of the Colour Chart was self-inflicted.

The reasoning behind this possible new initiative is not clear. After all, he is not the sort of chap who walks into the House of Commons looking to pull.

Whatever he has done, his self-presentation looks just that little bit more ridiculous than it did before. I am sure he wishes he could buy a few new ideas in a bottle as well.