Bye Bye Big Bore
by Graham Davies

Here is something that you won't have heard people saying over the last 3 days:

"Oh no! Surely they can't be stopping Big Brother? 10 series wasn't nearly enough. And all the hype and fuss that they managed to generate was always a fair reflection of high quality."

Presenting yourself on television is a deeply unnatural activity. Professional TV presenters learn how to focus their words and their personae to make sure that the viewing audience's watching experience is as good as possible.

But "reality" TV participants are told to be "natural". This instruction nicely ignores the fact that living your life for with several hundred thousand people watching you is perhaps the most un-natural activity that civilised society has yet invented.

Some advice: if you ever have to appear on TV, make sure that you prepare and focus on precisely why you are doing it. Make yourself a brief flash of light that momentarily brightens the viewer's day. Being "natural" is not the best way of leveraging 4 minutes of national exposure.

The problem with Big Brother was not that it was cheap TV that celebrated the worst behaviour of unpleasantly dysfunctional people. The real problem was that 24 hour exposure of "natural" human interaction is just plain boring.

Ted's Tainted Dream
by Graham Davies

He was the only one of four brothers to survive beyond the age of 50. He had to carry a particularly heavy Torch of political idealism all on his own for more than half a century of public service.

He had a knack for getting people to sit round a table and consider compromise without making them feel that they were conceding their principles. And he was a fine set-piece political presenter, who could make lofty ideals seem to be practical possibilities rather than hot air.

He forced himself out of his sick-bed to perform one last big speech at the Democratic Convention last year. He thus ensured that he could be satisfied with the feeling that he had said all that really needed to be said. This emotion was never within reach for any of his prematurely departed brothers.

But the saddest fact is that all his glorious words were continually tainted by his drinking, womanising and general lack of judgement in his personal life. His Personal Presentation Brand had really been in a state of constant decay from the moment he gor into a car with Mary-Jo Kopechne.

When all is said and done, nearly all the fine words that Kennedy has said have been hugely devalued by just some of the things he has done.

Silence is not enough
by Graham Davies

There is an old and hackneyed piece of presentational advice that is often trotted out : It is better to stay quiet and make people think that you might be stupid, than to open your mouth and leave them in no doubt.

Yes, very funny. And if you have nothing to add to the silence, silence is still best. However, reliance on silence as your distinctive presentational stance is just not good enough if you are a Chief Executive or a Prime Minister.

Gordon Brown has only today said something, at last, about the despicable release of the Lockerbie bomber. This is the sort of issue that a PM must have an immediate opinion on....an opinion that he can convey to his nation-wide audience at the earliest opportunity.

It is a clear mark of his lack of presentational prioritisation that he did find something to say about England's Ashes victory, while at the same time staying unpleasantly silent for 5 days about allegations of behind-the-scenes deals with Gadaffi.

When you are a leader, reactive slience is not enough. When an issue of such importance burns its way into your public's eye, you have to decide on...and present...a pro-active Micro-Message as soon as possible.

Or you can be like Gordon...quietly sliding into professional oblivion.

Think or Twitter?
by Graham Davies

Duncan Bannatyne's personal presentational brand is based on the ability to bully and disparage potential investors on Dragon's Den. Even when his face is trying to express happiness, it is twisted into a sneer.

He has been presenting a TV programme where he extols urges British holidaymakers to enjoy the delights of the UK and its unique interpretation of the word "Summer".

This is a little incompatible with his constant stream of Twittering about what a marvellous time he is having in France. So, he breaks one of the Cardinal Rules of credible personal presentation: be obviously consistent.

But his biggest mistake is catching the trendy disease of 2009: Twitteritis. The main symptom is the uncontrollable urge to put thumbs to keybord without any real thought about what you are about to say to possibly hundreds of thousands of people.

Here's an idea: maybe Tweeting isn't the universally marvellous thing that it's cracked up to be.

Fair Play is Dead Again
by Graham Davies

Football's Bastards in Black have always had a reputation for myopia. But Joe Shoebridge, who refereed Bristol City's match against Crystal Palace on Saturday, seems to be an extreme sufferer of the condition. Mind you, the other 3 match officials also did not see Bristol City's blatantly legitimate goal...presumably because they were feeding their guide dogs at the time.

However, I am not writing today's blog to carry on the British tradition of moaning about sporting officialdom. I write to moan about what could have been the re-birth of British Fair Play.

All 11 Bristol City players knew that a goal had been scored against them. They should either have persuaded the referee of that fact or, after consulting with their manager, immediately and openly allowed Crystal Palace an unnopposed walk-in goal.

They had the chance to present the image of Bristol City in particular, and British sport in general, in a new and glorious light. Their Micro-Message to the world could have been: Even in the Age of Hard-Nosed Sporting Professionalism, there is still room for Sportsmanship.

But they bottled it. I hope they lose every other match this season.

The Main Chance
by Graham Davies

I don't know all the details of the allegations against Anne Main. This is something I have in common with most of the people who have been bleating about her over the last few days.

At a Special General Meeting of St Albans Conservative Association, she defeated the motion to de-select her by 140 votes to 20...a margin which would have been considered impressive in even Zimbabwe and Iran.

But no matter how much she may have been illicitly snorting from the Westminster Expenses Trough, there was nothing iffy about about the vote. It is quite clear that the Chairman and the Vice Chairman of the association (her main protaganists) were complete amateurs. They had done nothing to assess the level of support they had for their decapitation attempt. And their efforts to mobilise their own side were horribly inadequate.

On the other hand, Main had galvanised her natural core followers more effectively than a Saga Rep on speed. When the result was announced, everyone thumped their wheelchairs and rattled their zimmer frames with delight.

She may like her expenses too much. But her opponents should remember that she also likes a fight.

The Mighty Whinger
by Graham Davies

I once met Alan Duncan at a drinks party in 2004. He was part of a group of 4 people that I joined. I had been speaking for approximately 5 seconds when his eyes glazed over. He then turned on his heels and walked away. It was quite clear to the rest of us that he had immediately worked out that I wasn't important enough for him to pretend to be interested in.

This level of presentational ruthlessness has got to him to where he is today. Which is...well, nowhere really.

He scored a marvellous own goal recently when he publicly criticised Jaqui Smith's expenses only a few days before he was forced to pay back £4000 himself.

He certainly has a distinctive Presentational Brand. What he lacks in size, he makes up for in sheer bitterness. So when he complains that he and his colleagues are being "treated like shit", there are many people who think And quite right too!

Humour, Hillary!
by Graham Davies

Charm and diplomacy are not things that come naturally to Hillary Clinton. Her first instinct is to confront and attack, rather than befriend and compromise. This may be an effective way of presenting yourself when you are a political candidate, but it can be a problem when you are the Secretary of State.

In the Congo yesterday, a rather silly student asked her what Bill thought of a particular issue. Not unreasonably, she replied, "I am the Secretary of State, not my husband."

If she had said it with a smile, this one-liner would have got a big laugh from the audience, made her point superbly and won her alot of friends. Instead, she delivered it with all the grace of a nuclear assault, dramatically shrugging her shoulders and twisting her face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. The people listening were clearly shocked by her negative intensity.

Someone needs to tell her what all high-pressure presenters need to know: sometimes a smile is a more potent weapon than a growl.

Mandy is Out
by Graham Davies

At last, Peter Mandelson has been Outed: I can now confirm that he is totally addicted to publicity.

Even when he is supposedly doing nothing, he manages to get into the news. His trip to Corfu has probably been the most talked-about holiday of the year. But it's not true to say that he was trying to run the country with only a mobile phone. To be fair, He had his Blackberry with him as well.

He has made it clear that he feels that Britain needs a stronger voice in Europe. There is no doubt who he thinks that voice should be provided by.

Strangely, I find this way he has of constantly presenting himself rather refreshing. Most politicians try to put on the Reluctantly-in-the-Public-Eye Act. But not Mandy. He knows that there is no bushel big enough to have the remotest chance of hiding his light.

Sugar melts in the heat
by Graham Davies

5 years ago, I sat next to the shy, delicate and sensitive Alan Sugar at a dinner at which I was the guest speaker. For 2 hours, he barely acknowledged my existence, because he was entirely focused on projectile-presenting to the table about his favourite subject. Which is, naturally, himself.

The details fo his monologue were mainly about his charity work, which he insisted, at great length, that he never like to talk about. He then found out that I was a barrister, turned to me, and told me in strict confidence (and I quote) :

I always sue if someone calls me a liar, because it just isn't true. But I don't bother about it if someone calls me a Prat, because that is just a matter of opinion.

Poor Alan is so bothered about Quentin Letts' opinion in the Mail that he "is not someone of enormous intellect" that he has already put out the Frighteners via a top law firm.

What a shame that someone who makes so much money out of abusing people on TV is so frightened of a journalist's opinion. In fact, I would go further: what a Prat!