Clarke of Kent

by Graham Davies

Isn't it fabulous to see an obviously decent bloke winning against the odds?

Darren Clarke is a golfer who is deemed worthy enough to be sent two Good Luck texts by Tiger Woods. He is such a nice guy that his two closest American rivals deliberately played a fistful of crappy shots to make sure that he won.

He also managed a Presentational Triumph that nicely topped off the golfing one.

Darren's acceptance speech could have been an uncomfortable experience for millions of people. Despite feeling enormous sympathy for him, we really did not want to see him cry. Again.

But he had clearly thought carefully about his words. And prepared some brief notes that he used as something to focus on under pressure. That is how he controlled his emotions, instead of allowing his emotions to control him.

This was Super Darren's day. Not even a kryptonite microphone would have stopped him.

FO Presentation

by Graham Davies

Last Night, William Hague continued the tradition style of Foreign Office Crisis Presentation. He was able to say, categorically, that:

1. It is unwise for British citizens to travel to Libya.

2. The Foreign Office is in posession of information that strongly indicates that Colonel Gadaffi is now in Venezuala OR is travelling to Venezuala OR is about to travel to Venezuala OR is staying in Libya and has no intention of travelling to Venezuala or anywhere else.

3. He is concerned about the level of violence in Libya and would like it to stop.

It is this level of presentational decisiveness that gives our country its current position of influence on the World Stage.

How to Accept an Award

By Graham Davies

It's Awards Season again, so bear the following in mind if you are receiving one on stage:

1. There is never any excuse for anyone saying "I don't know what to say", especially when you have known for weeks that you are on a short-list.

2. Start with something sharp and striking. Make the audience realise immediately that, at last, here is someone worth listening to.

3. Make your gratitude special and specific. Don't recite a featureless sequence of names: include a carefully-phrased half-sentence about each person's contribution so that they sound like talented human beings instead of items on a shopping list.

4. Do NOT say the words "Thank You" until right at the end, just before you leave the stage. Continuous repetition devalues the concept, whereas it sounds appropriately precious if you say it once with total conviction, as your punchline.

5. Learn and rehearse your words. And hire a really good coach to ensure that you have rehearsed your spontaneity professionally. You must be able to get your words out effectively, no matter how badly Ricky Gervais has upset you.

Cameron's Roots

by Graham Davies

A few silver hairs can make a politician or businessman look more mature and statesmanlike. They can automatically increase the gravitas of the person from whose head they spring.

David Cameron clearly does not agree with my first paragraph. Somehow, all of his head-hair has turned implausibly black. Not a hint of grey. Not anywhere. Nowhere that we are likely to see anyway.

It is not likely that the carbon emmission level in London has got so high that there has been an outbreak of Spontaneous Darkening. We have to examine the possibility that his lurch to the Extreme Right of the Colour Chart was self-inflicted.

The reasoning behind this possible new initiative is not clear. After all, he is not the sort of chap who walks into the House of Commons looking to pull.

Whatever he has done, his self-presentation looks just that little bit more ridiculous than it did before. I am sure he wishes he could buy a few new ideas in a bottle as well.

Why Ed?

by Graham Davies

Just as in the art of Stand-Up Comedy, the secret of success when you are running for the leadership of a political party is a combination of bravery and timing.

David Milliband is not the Labour Leader at this moment because he simply did not have the nerve to run at the right time. A crucial number of party voters remembered that he was the only potential challenger who could have saved Labour from Gordon Brown. But he just didn't have the balls.

And now Labour has a new leader who has massive presentational problems to overcome. The more he says that he is not beholden to the Unions, the more we all sneer. He may not like being called Red Ed, but it is a presentational label that he will have to work hard to scrub off.

No matter which Milliband we ended up with the Labour Leadership Election was the final link in a very disturbing trend. The leaders of all 3 major parties are all youngish guys who look good in suits but have never had a proper job outside Westminster.

They could all make the Micro-Statement, "I may not have any experience of the real world, but at least Daddy was rich enough to make sure that I never had to."

What a triumph of democracy.

Nick Sticks with Us????

by Graham Davies

"Stick with us. Please. Because we're not all that crap really. And I'm sure that I won't have to to dreadful Tory-type things forever. And I have got 'Deputy PM' on my CV which will be great for when it's time for me to cash in properly with my memoirs."

Sadly, Nick Clegg not to say all but the first 3 words of the preceding paragraph in his conference speech. It would have been a more compelling performance if he had put them in.

This was not a speech. It was an apology...from an elected Prefect who is rather embarassed at having unexpectedly joined the teaching staff. And he knew that the apology was just not going to be good enough.

I was wrong in my blog of yesterday about him moving about the stage. He stood behind a lectern, like an old-style politician, even though he wasn't using it for notes or a script. Essentially, he was using it as a barrier between himself and an audience that he was afraid would turn on him.

And he seemed surprised when they didn't applaud when he wanted them to. Surprised and also a little spoiled. I was cringing when he pressed the emotion button and only a rigidly faked tone came out.

But the most striking thing was his hesitant delivery. Long, uncomfortable pauses. Possibly because he wanted his prefect's lecture to sink in, but possibly because he was just couldn't remember his words quickly enough. He really needs to learn how to use an auto-cue.

If Nick Clegg sticks with this sort of speaking, he will carry neither the country nor his party.

What can Nick really say?

by Graham Davies

The three crucial ingredients of a speech are: who is speaking, what they say and how they say it. The speech to be delivered by the Leader of the Liberal Democrats tomorrow will be very different in each of these elements from its equivalent last year.

Nick Clegg's 2009 speech was a noteless political cabaret, a 55-minute exhibition of faulty policies delivered with a faultless memory. This was a Party Leader uninhibited by even the remotest thought that he would ever be able to put his ideas into practice. There was no hint of "Go back to your constituencies and prepare for government".

He will undoubtedly try the memory trick again, and wander around without a lectern, to show that Nick the Deputy PM, is still One of Them.

I look forward to hearing his Core Micro-Statement....the legacy at the heart of the speech that will be remembered above all else. The most accurate one I can suggest for him is: "Terribly sorry to have sold out on so many of our fundamental principles, but you should feel the leather in the back of our Ministerial cars!"

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