The Presentation Coach

Clarke of Kent

2011-07-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

by Graham Davies

Isn't it fabulous to see an obviously decent bloke winning against the odds?

Darren Clarke is a golfer who is deemed worthy enough to be sent two Good Luck texts by Tiger Woods. He is such a nice guy that his two closest American rivals deliberately played a fistful of crappy shots to make sure that he won.

He also managed a Presentational Triumph that nicely topped off the golfing one.

Darren's acceptance speech could have been an uncomfortable experience for millions of people. Despite feeling enormous sympathy for him, we really did not want to see him cry. Again.

But he had clearly thought carefully about his words. And prepared some brief notes that he used as something to focus on under pressure. That is how he controlled his emotions, instead of allowing his emotions to control him.

This was Super Darren's day. Not even a kryptonite microphone would have stopped him.

2011-02-22T01:52:00.000-08:00

FO Presentation

by Graham Davies

Last Night, William Hague continued the tradition style of Foreign Office Crisis Presentation. He was able to say, categorically, that:

1. It is unwise for British citizens to travel to Libya.

2. The Foreign Office is in posession of information that strongly indicates that Colonel Gadaffi is now in Venezuala OR is travelling to Venezuala OR is about to travel to Venezuala OR is staying in Libya and has no intention of travelling to Venezuala or anywhere else.

3. He is concerned about the level of violence in Libya and would like it to stop.

It is this level of presentational decisiveness that gives our country its current position of influence on the World Stage.

2011-02-07T07:56:00.000-08:00

How to Accept an Award

By Graham Davies

It's Awards Season again, so bear the following in mind if you are receiving one on stage:

1. There is never any excuse for anyone saying "I don't know what to say", especially when you have known for weeks that you are on a short-list.

2. Start with something sharp and striking. Make the audience realise immediately that, at last, here is someone worth listening to.

3. Make your gratitude special and specific. Don't recite a featureless sequence of names: include a carefully-phrased half-sentence about each person's contribution so that they sound like talented human beings instead of items on a shopping list.

4. Do NOT say the words "Thank You" until right at the end, just before you leave the stage. Continuous repetition devalues the concept, whereas it sounds appropriately precious if you say it once with total conviction, as your punchline.

5. Learn and rehearse your words. And hire a really good coach to ensure that you have rehearsed your spontaneity professionally. You must be able to get your words out effectively, no matter how badly Ricky Gervais has upset you.

Cameron's Roots

2011-01-20T00:43:00.000-08:00

by Graham Davies

A few silver hairs can make a politician or businessman look more mature and statesmanlike. They can automatically increase the gravitas of the person from whose head they spring.

David Cameron clearly does not agree with my first paragraph. Somehow, all of his head-hair has turned implausibly black. Not a hint of grey. Not anywhere. Nowhere that we are likely to see anyway.

It is not likely that the carbon emmission level in London has got so high that there has been an outbreak of Spontaneous Darkening. We have to examine the possibility that his lurch to the Extreme Right of the Colour Chart was self-inflicted.

The reasoning behind this possible new initiative is not clear. After all, he is not the sort of chap who walks into the House of Commons looking to pull.

Whatever he has done, his self-presentation looks just that little bit more ridiculous than it did before. I am sure he wishes he could buy a few new ideas in a bottle as well.

2010-09-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

Why Ed?

by Graham Davies

Just as in the art of Stand-Up Comedy, the secret of success when you are running for the leadership of a political party is a combination of bravery and timing.

David Milliband is not the Labour Leader at this moment because he simply did not have the nerve to run at the right time. A crucial number of party voters remembered that he was the only potential challenger who could have saved Labour from Gordon Brown. But he just didn't have the balls.

And now Labour has a new leader who has massive presentational problems to overcome. The more he says that he is not beholden to the Unions, the more we all sneer. He may not like being called Red Ed, but it is a presentational label that he will have to work hard to scrub off.

No matter which Milliband we ended up with the Labour Leadership Election was the final link in a very disturbing trend. The leaders of all 3 major parties are all youngish guys who look good in suits but have never had a proper job outside Westminster.

They could all make the Micro-Statement, "I may not have any experience of the real world, but at least Daddy was rich enough to make sure that I never had to."

What a triumph of democracy.

2010-09-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

Nick Sticks with Us????

by Graham Davies

"Stick with us. Please. Because we're not all that crap really. And I'm sure that I won't have to to dreadful Tory-type things forever. And I have got 'Deputy PM' on my CV which will be great for when it's time for me to cash in properly with my memoirs."

Sadly, Nick Clegg not to say all but the first 3 words of the preceding paragraph in his conference speech. It would have been a more compelling performance if he had put them in.

This was not a speech. It was an apology...from an elected Prefect who is rather embarassed at having unexpectedly joined the teaching staff. And he knew that the apology was just not going to be good enough.

I was wrong in my blog of yesterday about him moving about the stage. He stood behind a lectern, like an old-style politician, even though he wasn't using it for notes or a script. Essentially, he was using it as a barrier between himself and an audience that he was afraid would turn on him.

And he seemed surprised when they didn't applaud when he wanted them to. Surprised and also a little spoiled. I was cringing when he pressed the emotion button and only a rigidly faked tone came out.

But the most striking thing was his hesitant delivery. Long, uncomfortable pauses. Possibly because he wanted his prefect's lecture to sink in, but possibly because he was just couldn't remember his words quickly enough. He really needs to learn how to use an auto-cue.

If Nick Clegg sticks with this sort of speaking, he will carry neither the country nor his party.

2010-09-19T04:37:00.000-07:00

What can Nick really say?

by Graham Davies

The three crucial ingredients of a speech are: who is speaking, what they say and how they say it. The speech to be delivered by the Leader of the Liberal Democrats tomorrow will be very different in each of these elements from its equivalent last year.

Nick Clegg's 2009 speech was a noteless political cabaret, a 55-minute exhibition of faulty policies delivered with a faultless memory. This was a Party Leader uninhibited by even the remotest thought that he would ever be able to put his ideas into practice. There was no hint of "Go back to your constituencies and prepare for government".

He will undoubtedly try the memory trick again, and wander around without a lectern, to show that Nick the Deputy PM, is still One of Them.

I look forward to hearing his Core Micro-Statement....the legacy at the heart of the speech that will be remembered above all else. The most accurate one I can suggest for him is: "Terribly sorry to have sold out on so many of our fundamental principles, but you should feel the leather in the back of our Ministerial cars!"

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD A COMMENT OR DISCUSS THE ABOVE ARTICLE WITH FELLOW READERS, PLEASE CLICK ON THE COMMENTS LINK BELOW.

2010-09-11T06:48:00.000-07:00

Obama's Continuing Weakness

by Graham Davies

President Obama is one of the finest AutoCue Athletes that the world has ever seen. But the Q&A session about the economy that he did yesterday shows that he still has a long way to go before he is a great Presentational All-Rounder.

When he presents a carefully calculated and rehearsed text using AutoCue, he looks, sounds....and probably feels...utterly in control. But when he is answering a question in front of a live audience, you can see the certainty leave his eyes instantly, especially when there is a hint of aggression behind the question.

He then tends to speak.....with......pauses.....that are slightly.....too long........that come in.....strange places.........in his sentences. When a politician needs this much thinking time in the middle of a 60 second answer, he looks like a struggler, not a leader.

He needs more coaching. He certainly needs to read the Q&A chapter in The Presentation Coach (published by Capstone on 24 September). There he will see that Q&A can involve techniques which give you even more authority than rehearded delivery of a pre-prepared script.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD A COMMENT OR DISCUSS THE ABOVE ARTICLE WITH FELLOW READERS, PLEASE CLICK ON THE COMMENTS LINK BELOW.

2010-09-07T05:26:00.000-07:00

Blair's Brand

by Graham Davies

Tony Blair has spent the last few days devaluing his Personal Presentational Brand. I say this even though his autobiography may boost his professional speaking fees to beyond the merely stratospheric.

Of course, the thing that the punters in Waterstones want to see is one politician making bitter personal attacks on other politicians, preferably long-term friends and allies. Tony has been happy to oblige. This tells you more about him than the people he has targeted.

He has launched an assault on Brown et al, not because he wants to put the record straight for the good of the country, but because he wants to sell a few more books.

He may be the most expensive speaker on the planet, but he is looking cheaper by the day.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD A COMMENT OR DISCUSS THE ABOVE ARTICLE WITH FELLOW READERS, PLEASE CLICK ON THE COMMENTS LINK BELOW.

2010-09-05T19:30:00.000-07:00

Another Cop Thug

by Graham Davies

If there had abeen no CCTV footage available, how likely do you think it is that Sergeant Marc Andrews of the Wiltshire Police would have been prosecuted for assaulting a 57 year old woman?

I will tell you: there would have been no chance at all.

Never fall asleep in your car in Wiltshire.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD A COMMENT OR DISCUSS THE ABOVE ARTICLE WITH FELLOW READERS, PLEASE CLICK ON THE COMMENTS LINK BELOW.

2010-08-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

Out of Office?

by Graham Davies

Imagine sending an email like this to a colleagues, a supplier or a client:

"Thanks for your email, but I just don't care enough about you to read it or give you a 5-word response. I am on vacation, so I don't give a toss about you."

That is precisely the message you are presenting about yourself whenever a piece of software sends out an Out of Office Auto-Response that indicates you will not be accessing emails due to your on-holiday mode.

There really is no excuse for this presentational callousness. And yes, you are still presenting yourself and your business when you are on vacation, whether you like it or not. Of course, people do come up with alot of excuses for being incommunicado:

I work a 70 hour week, so I am entitled to a complete rest
There are other people who can deal with anything that is likely to come up
My spouse forbids me from looking at work emails when we are on holiday

The third excuse is so beneath contempt that I won't even point out how risible it is. If there really is someone you totally trust to deal with everything as well as you could, then fair enough (but are you sure??). But surely you cannot really rest on your sunbed in the knowledge that you might have hundreds of unexploded bombs waiting in your in-box?

Everyone can afford a blackberry. But no-one can afford to present the image of someone who sticks their fingers in their ears and says LA LA LA rather than spending at least 30 minutes a day checking their email....no matter how exotic their location.

If you don't follow my advice, it is just possible that you won't be spending quite so much time on expensive vacations in the future.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD A COMMENT OR DISCUSS THE ABOVE ARTICLE WITH FELLOW READERS, PLEASE CLICK ON THE COMMENTS LINK BELOW.

2010-08-23T03:45:00.000-07:00

Pointless Politician

by Graham Davies

The speech by Tony Abbot on the night of the Australian General Election was a remarkable achievement. You see, Tony is the Leader of the Australian Liberal Party.....and he managed to lead his audience nowhere.

One of the fundamental requirements of a good speech is that the speaker should take the people he is speaking to on a journey (see Chapter 1 of The Presentation Coach, published next month by Capstone). Sadly, Tony had nowhere he wanted them to go.

The circumstances were difficult. He was surrounded on stage by 4 tall Amazonian women who may have been his bodyguards, but were probably his wife and daughters. They had no business being there and the looks on their faces made it clear that they knew it. They merely served the function of offering alternative targets for snipers.

And there was a hard core of Part Yobs at the front of the crowd who were determined to cheer every other sentence Tony uttered, no matter how indifferent.

What he said was a collection of bland statements that merely confirmed what the audience already knew:

It's too soon to celebrate
Everyone has worked hard
I am very grateful
This is an important night
We have more hard work to do
We are the best Party
We need to work hard
etc etc etc

The most telling verdict on the speech was given by Sky News, who switched to a commercial break half way through.

My message to Tony, and anyone else who imposes themselves on an audience, is this: Don't just have a speech, have a point as well.

If you would like to comment on this blog, please do so by clicking on the "comments" link below:

2010-08-15T04:57:00.000-07:00

Speak with your Elbows

by Graham Davies

Yet again, David Cameron has shown his talent for creating memorable phrases under pressure. His spontaneous use of the words "sharp elbows" nicely captures the combative attitude needed by parents to secure the best for their children from the Public Sector.

It is also a phrase that should epitomise your attitude to Presentation. There are alot of things competing to get the attention of any audience you speak to. And even if you manage to grab their attention initially, it can still drift away if you and your words are not compelling enough.

That is why you have to be a practitioner of Sharp-Elbowed Presenting. This is a highly assertive form of speaking where you think of yourself as constantly jostling for the attention of the audience. You are prepared to push just a little to get to the head of the queue in their collective mind. But you are determined to retain that Dave-n-Sam charm even when you are at your most determined.

It is then that you will achieve the exquisite presentational balance encapsulated by the following impossibly mixed metaphor: the sharp tongue in the velvet glove.

2010-06-20T07:47:00.000-07:00

Wasted Thank Yous

by Graham Davies

Never present when doing so is a waste of time for you and your audience. You might think that the previous sentence is crushingly obvious. However, yesterday I saw 2 people speaking to an audience 40,000 strong, when it was quite clear that the exercise was utterly pointless.

The people in question were the captains of the Australian and England Rugby Union teams. 5 minutes after an exhausting 85 minutes of enormous physical and mental effort, they were suddenly required to "say a few words". There was nothing that they could possibly say that would have been more eloquent than the effort that they had put into the game.

They both stumbled up to the microphone and said highly predictable Thank Yous to the fans who had turned out to support their respective teams. It was quite clear that they though they were wasting their time and their breath. Their presentations certainly added nothing to the occasion. In fact, it was an embarassment to see 2 people who are at the very top of their profession being forced to do something that detracted from their credibility as leaders.

Never allow yourself to be in a situation where you know that what comes out of your mouth will achieve nothing apart from a huge amount of personal discomfort and a devaluation of your personal presentational brand.

2010-05-26T00:39:00.000-07:00

BA too Twittery

by Graham Davies

Satan likes to make work for idle hands. That's why he invented Twitter. And it is because of Twitter that I am travelling to Heathrow this morning not sure that my flight to China will take off.

Last Saturday, Derek Simpson of UNITE was not entirely focused on the way that Willie Walsh was presenting BA's case. He gave what can only be described a running commentary on the negotiations via the medium of his Blackberry. This stream included a description of Walsh as "vindictive".

Only twats twitter like this. There was nothing to gain and everything to lose. Negotiation content should be kept confidential while the negotiation is still going on. Blurting out his thoughts to the whole world was always likely to make the process more difficult.

And the very fact that Simpson had the urge to Twitter in the first place showed that his mind was not really in the room. He should have been zeroed in totally on assessing BA's presentation and calculating an appropriate response. The audience he should have been focusing was in front of him, not at lurking at the end of a Twitter-feed.

I urge you not to Twitter when you should be zeroed in on something else. Which is just about all the time.

2010-05-24T00:07:00.000-07:00

Bland lead the Bland

by Graham Davies

I am currently working with several clients on their Maiden speeches in the House of Commons. This type of speech is often a very bland affair, with the meat of it consisting of merely a few nice pleasantries about the Mp's own constituency.

Of course, this will not be their very first speech as MPs: they made their first ones immediately after their victory was announced by the returning officer on election night. Every single victory speech that I saw on television consisted of a boring sequnce of predictable pleasantries and thank yous. The perpetrators had the chance to say something striking and memorable in the spotlight, but they decided to follow convention instead.

No presentation will ever be memorable if it it merely follows convention at the expense of saying something new. Never allow yourself to say something just because your audience expects it. It is only the unexpected that will get you what you want.

2010-05-18T23:39:00.000-07:00

Robotic Cameron

by Graham Davies

Now that the political dust has settled a bit, I have decided who was the most unrealistic presentational role model during the build-up and aftermath of the Election.

Cameron has become frighteningly efficient under pressure. The speech he made just before he entered number 10 had an androidal effficiency: no notes, no stumbles, no vocal imperfections (well,maybe he flubbadubbed 2 words). He was so good that you should look at what he achieved and then follow my advice:

Don't try this at home.

There is rarely any need for the typical presenter to force themselves into the potential horrors of the no-notes vortex. The potential upside of looking-as-good-as-Dave is massively outweighed by the possible downside of looking-like-a-prat if you forget to say your best point.

2010-05-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

Dignified Exit

by Graham Davies

Right at the end, Gordon Brown was almost someone that you could like. His farewell speech was a triumph of dignity.

He achieved the tricky balance of leaving Downing Street elegantly and eloquently, without letting any residual bitterness show through. His tribute to our armed forces at last sounded genuine, because he had no electoral advantage to gain from it. His acknowledgement that he was unable to form a government was a measured statement of political fact and not, as it easily could have been, the whine of a beaten man.

His cleverest and most touching presentational moment was completely unexpected. He described being PM as the second most important job behind being a husband and father.

It's a shame that he was unable to present this level of humanity when he was actually in office, rather than just when he was leaving it.

2010-05-07T04:52:00.000-07:00

Clegg's Presentational Oxygen

by Graham Davies

There is widespread disbelief today that the Lib Dems could have done so badly after Nick Clegg's top class presentational performance in the election debates. The fact is that the electorate realised that crap policies presented well are still crap policies.

But presentation was still vitally important to Clegg's party. If he had not been so brilliant, their vote share would have dropped dramatically below what they managed to achieve in 2005. Without the boost that his debating skills gave them, they would now be able to have a meeting of their Parliamentary Party in a phone box.

For the Tories and Labour, good presentation is a vital tool in their fight for victory. For the Lib Dems it is what they will continue to need in their fight for survival.

2010-04-29T02:54:00.000-07:00

Mike Paranoia Pays

by Graham Davies

Yesterday, Gordon Brown gave a Master Class in microphone-awareness. Or whatever the opposite of a Master Class is. Not realising that he was still wearing a live lapel mike, he described someone as a "bigoted woman"....when her views were merely different to his rather than bigoted.

It is always a disaster for a politician to be caught saying something in "private" that contradicts their public persona. It confirms the pre-conception that we all have of them being two-faced.

But all presenters can learn something from this: always assume that the mike is on.......and make sure that you get rid of the damn thing as soon as you have finished what you have finished doing what you put it on for.

There are a host of (probably apochryphal) stories about the sound of presenters' bodily functions being transmitted by mikes that were unexpectedly still switched on. This morning, I am certain that Gordon Brown wishes we had just heard him having a crap.

2010-04-13T04:16:00.000-07:00

The Leader's Debate

by Graham Davies

Just to be sporting, I have decided to give advice to all 3 Leaders for the first televised debate:

1. Have alot of pre-prepared funny one-liners rehearsed and available at the tip of your tongue. This includes YOU, Gordon. These are the words that TV audiences like to hear and journalists like to report. A good gag at the expense of the other 2 candidates will get you more votes than a list of cost estimates.

2. Avoid sloganising: as a device, it only works in front of a crowd of your own supporters. Don't follow the example og George Osborne, who says We Are All In This Together whenever he can'y think of anything else.

3. Be as specific as posssible when you do talk about the amount and location of cuts. The sort of audience that is going to listen for 90 minutes will not want want their stamina rewarded with vagueness.

4. Don't practice gestures. If you think that your likely voters are concerned about where your arms are, you have been woking wiath an unrelistic (probably American) coach.

5. Don't touch the lectern. By all means use it as a place to write and perch notes.....but the white-knuckle death-grip is never inspiring. Speak and move as though the lectern simply doesn't exist.

In the USA, the generally percieved winner of the Presidential Debates has always gone on to win the Presidency. Here, Cameron's Premiership will be confirmed in the same way.

2010-04-09T23:20:00.000-07:00

Specific Numbers Win

by Graham Davies

On this day in 1992, John Major's Tories receieved more votes than any other party in UK history. In 2005, Blair got fewer than Kinnock did in 1992.

Overall numbers of votes don't mattter: you have to mind the gap.

At last, it looks as though the Tories are opening up some clear blue water between them and Labour. Although there will be some narrowing in the 48 hours before the poll itself (fuelled by all the parties and the media having a fused vested interest in saying that it's desperately close), I expect the Tory lead to stay between 9 and 11 per cent.

Cameron has achieved this because he is now presenting more specifically than he has ever done before about actual numbers for specific actions. If he stays away from his previous tendency to spout worthy ideals and sticks to hardened, costed, detailed steps he will actually take, he will win a narrow, but working, majority.

2010-04-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

Beware the Background

by Graham Davies

Brown had the gravitas and Cameron had the energy. Those were the two most obvious differences between the speeches that launched the election campaign proper.

Cameron now even manages to make indignation sound attractive, without ever allowing it to deteriorate into a schoolboy whine. His choice of location, with the south of the Thames, with the camera pointing aspirationally towards Westminster, even had a touch of the John Major Soapbox about it.

Gordon Brown did not have to agonise where to make his own speech from. Standing out side 10 Downing Street says I'M HERE, YOU'RE NOT better than anywhere else.

But they both need to think about their backgrounds. I don't mean Old Etonian versus Son of the Manse. I mean the people they choose to be seen with when presenting.

Cameron chose a group of young PPCs who clearly have not been playing the game for long...hence them frequently looking looking away into the middle distance as their Leader trotted out something else that they have heard many times before.

On the other hand, Brown chose to speak in front of his battle-scarred Imperial Guard. Jack Straw's supportive smile was welded on with a metallic intesity....and Harriet Harman's approving nods make her bounce up and down like an over-keen pupil who still thinks she can be Head Girl one day.

Their professional efficiency had the air of a group who have been on duty for just a bit too long.

So advice for both main presenters: Dave, find a few older people to look keen on what you are saying. Gordon, find a few younger people to do the same job. If you can.

2010-04-03T07:39:00.000-07:00

Poster Own Goal

by Graham Davies

The Millibands are a rather strained double-act at the best of times. If one brother ever challenged for the leadership of the Labour Party, he certainly could not be certain of the other brother's support.....unless they had come to a highly specific, preferably written and witnessed, agreement about it.

They looked deliciously uncomfortable on Sky News, trying to defend Labour's latest election poster. It depicts David Cameron sitting on top of an Audi Quattro, looking like a younger, cooler version of the iconic 1980s policeman, Gene Hunt.

Their contention was that the poster cleverly illustrated the electorate's fear that a Cameron government would turn the clock back a couple of decades. The problem is that this is precisely what a significant proportion of floating voters would like: a return to the robust business-oriented prosperity that epitomised the heyday of the last Tory regime.

But their limp defence highlighted something more presentationally profound than that: if you have to explain why something is funny and clever, then it really isn't all that funny or clever.

I hope that policians never really grasp this....because the blind spot they have for comedy is one of the things that can actually make some of their more ridiculous pronouncements rather entertaining for the rest of us.

2010-03-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

Blair's Guest Appearance

by Graham Davies

Today, I almost felt sorry for Tony Blair. Almost. Until I remembered the size of his bank account.

The speech in his old constituency didn't have particularly special content. His core Micro- Statement was merely a re-hash of an old theme: in a crisis, the country is better off with a safe and experienced pair of hands holding the keys of 10 Downing Street.

The distinctive over-emphasis of key words was still there as was the equally distinctive perma-tan. But a new feature was a strange mid-Atlantic accent. He sounded like an Americanized British Rock Star. In public speaking terms, that is precisely what he is.

No Blair speech will have a significant effect on the election. But each one reminds his corporate client base of how affably available he is. Nice marketing, Tony.

2010-03-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

Predictable Chancellors

by Graham Davies

All 3 were smooth and sleekly rehearsed, with opening statements that were the epitome of bland vanilla efficiency.

But it was immediately clear that Vince Cable held a political and physical position that Osborne and Darling both envied: smugly central and devoid of past responsibility or potential future high office. He was the only one who was prepared to say where the biggest cuts should come and how much they should be.

I could sense the other 2 thinking, "You wouldn't be so keen on telling the truth if you had any chance of actually being Chancellor. You lucky sod."

The main football match was between Darling and Osborne. But Cable had the delicious privilege of playing for a third team that didn't need to defend, but was allowed to score by kicking the ball into the goal of either the other 2 teams.

Naturally, there were no big scores or big misses. Final score: nil-nil-nil.

The only thing I really disliked was when they agreed with each other. We can't have top politicians doing something as stupid as that.

2010-03-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

No Barriers Cameron

by Graham Davies

I realise that I am running the risk of saying too many nice things about David Cameron at the moment. However, he keeps on adding facets to his presentational persona.

His performance on the Politics Show yesterday was a spectacular demonstration of barrierless presenting. There was never a hint of him hiding from anything, with the possible exception of the specifics of tax bands.

His default body language is very open. His natural tendency is to engage rather than confront. He is now just so damned likeable....for a politician.

I suspect that his minders may tell him that a certain level of aloofness may be desirable over the next few weeks. It is just possible that the British people may not want a Prime Minister who is quite so approachable!

2010-03-26T02:35:00.000-07:00

Eulogies

by Graham Davies

Eulogies are at the extreme emotional end of the presentational spectrum. Sadly, I have recently had to advise several clients on how to do them effectively.

Don't tell the whole life story of the deceased. Instead, pick out the real highs: the things that he and his still-living friends and relatives would really like to remember him for. And don't be afraid of humour. Funerals should have laughter as well as tears.

This is one of the few scenarios where I recommend that you use a fully written-out script. It is very difficult to use brief notes as memory-joggers when you have to use the majority of your mental strength just stopping yourself from breaking down.

The most important piece of advice is this: even though it will be painful, rehearse the speech properly, out loud, all the way through, as many times as you can. This allows you to experience the emotion of those words in private before you have to share them in public.

This is the best way of making sure that you control your feelings on the day, rather than letting them control you.

2010-03-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

Cameron Performs

by Graham Davies

David Cameron needs the adrenalin surge of a live audience to present at his best. His budget reply yesterday was his most compellingly combative performance for some time.

Admittedly, he doesn't do indignation well. It always comes across as rehearsed pantomime. But he now has a knack for memorising and delivering one-liner gags so sharply that they do not sound rehearsed. Which of course means that have been. Rather alot.

He has now become a political presentation all-rounder. Despite the recent Gay Times video problem, he has real charm in a one-to-one interview. The Faithful now adore his gee-up set pieces. And now he can even get Opposition MPs laughing at his jokes in the House of Commons.

These are 3 very different skills in very different settings, and he is at the top of the game in all of them. This is the political presentation equivalent of playing for England at tennis, squash and badminton...all at he same time.

I would love to finish this piece off with a nice double entendre about rackets, but I can't give you one.

2010-03-24T02:57:00.000-07:00

Cameron's Fluff

by Graham Davies

Okay, he should have been better briefed before the Gay Times video interview. He should have known more detail about Tory MEPs' voting record. He should also have given alot more thought to the very fundamental question of what issues should be the subject of 'free' votes.

I am certain that his media bodyguards at Tory HQ were screaming at the screen when they saw his performance. However, I am certain that Dave's stumbling has done him no presentational harm....and may actually have done him some good.

This is a politician that does not always try to bluff and bluster his way through on camera. He actually takes the radical step of carefully considering the points that are put to him. He is then capable of changing his mind and politely correcting what he has just said. I cannot imagine any other politician pulling this off with such charm.

The stumble-and-self-correction is a surprisingly endearing ploy...as long as it does not become a habit in election battle conditons.

2010-03-23T04:35:00.000-07:00

The Samantha Factor

by Graham Davies

Samantha Cameron is a superbly presented all-rounder. She is a successful businesswoman and a major contributor of time to several charities. She has gone through both the joy and sorrows of motherhood. She is the practical personification of David's compassionate words about the family.

Politically, her profile has been deliberately subterranean. However, she has certainly been a significant voice of reason in content-brainstorming meetings before her husband's most important speeches.

Her most distinctive presentational skill so far has been the knack of appearing comfortable and relaxed on camera, without ever seeming to actively seek the attention of the lens.

In fact, her Personal Political Brand is so strong because she has shrewdly not made any public pronouncements. This is one of the occasions when silence should be warmly applauded.

2010-03-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

Will the Debates make a difference?
by Graham Davies

The televised Election Debates between the main party leaders will epitomise the way that our attention span for life in general and politics in particular is getting shorter and shorter.

It is likely that each debate will last 90 minutes. This is a long time on television....and I suspect that many people who are watching the beginning of each programme will not make it to the end. The novelty of the situation will not ncessarily generate enough magnetic adrenalin to keep thumbs away from remote controls.

The main problem for both Brown and Cameron is that they both have every incentive to play safe and almost no incentive to take presentational risks that really differentiate themselves and their policies.

Brown does not want to harm the solidity he gains by virtue of being the sitting Prime Minister. Cameron does not want to harm his own solid lead in the opinion polls. Only Nick Clegg can be a bit more edgey, because he is never going to lead a government himself.

The likely result is that even the viewers with the most stamina won't feel any more enlightened about the real differences between a government led by Brown or Cameron.

2010-01-31T06:51:00.000-08:00

Blair's Blag

by Graham Davies

Whether he was telling the truth or not, Tony Blair gave his evidence to the Chilcot Enquiry with his usual distinctive presentational style.

He has mastered the knack of forcing a pause before he answers a question under pressure. He uses that moment to make sure that the first line of his answer is firm and compelling. For instance, when asked about the notorious three-quarters of an hour that it alllegedly would have taken Iraq to launch an attack on the UK, he said:

I must say right at the outset that this 45 minute number has taken on vastly more significance in retrospect than it ever did at the time.

He also managed to use the same open hand gestures as he always did when addressing audiences in far more relaxed circumstances. The tan suits him and the graying hair suggests that sponsorship from Grecian 2000 would be a sound commercial move.

Overall, he is still at the top of his presentational game....even though he will find it difficult to get anyone to vote for him ever again in any context whatsoever.

2010-01-27T13:02:00.000-08:00

Laughing Harriet?

by Graham Davies

Harriet Harman stood in for Gordon Brown today at Prime Minister's questions. Her opponent was William Hague, whose DNA is much more suited to the adrenalised rigours of spontaneous debate.

Of course, very little about PMQs is spontaneous, especially when Harriet is involved. She wielded the obligatory file of must-know-facts-and-figures in front of her as if it was a cross between a magic wand and insect repellent.

But she also made a valliant attempt to use a wepon not normally associated with Mz Harman: humour. When commentating on Hague's changed views, she said, "He is worse at reversing than I am".

I am delighted to say that this comic reference to her own recent driving difficulties fell totally flat. Harriet's presentation problem is that she takes herself so seriously, that no-one can take seriously her attempts NOT to.

It may take you 2 or 3 goes for you to understand the last sentence. That's how long it took me anyway.

2010-01-24T12:23:00.000-08:00

Copy Bill Maclaren

by Graham Davies

Bill Maclaren, the distinguished Rugby commentator who died this week, used three presentational techniques that are accessible to people with much less talent than he was blessed with.

First of all, he prepared thoroughly. He researched and made notes about all 30 players on the pitch...and all the reserves. He could also tell you something about the referee and both linesman. He never had to struggle for a piece of personal knowledge, because he had it all carefully set out in front of him.

He also used strikingly distinctive language when under pressure. I will never forget forget him describing one hard-scrummaging wing forward as "rampaging like an angry octopus".

But his most important presentational asset was his sheer enthusiasm for his subject. Talking about Rugby was never a job. It was a passion.

Preparation, unique words and appropriate intensity are three things that everyone should use, whether they are presenting in a TV studio or a Company Boardroom.

2010-01-08T03:18:00.000-08:00

Presenting Mrs Robinson

by Graham Davies

I never like to gloat when a pompous, arrogant politician falls flat on their face. OK, I'm lying. But I am particularly pleased to see the downfall of Ulster's leading Cradle-Snatching Christian.

Iris Robinson's presentational persona has largely been concerned with making pronouncements on the sinful behaviour of homosexuals. She has also preached extensively about the sanctity of marriage.

It turns out that she is a Born Again Hypocrite.

I would advise any public figure never to pontificate about other people's morality. It is a topic that simply should not be the subject of presentation from anyone outside of a pulpit.

2010-01-01T01:14:00.000-08:00

My Favourite Moment of 2009

by Graham Davies

My favourite Presentational Moment of 2009 actually lasted about 5 seconds. That was how long it took for someone to prove that what comes out of your mouth and how it comes out is more important than your age, your background and what you look like. It was a moment that has brought joy and hope to millions of people....and Superstardom for Susan Boyle and her cat.

She clearly still has serious personal issues. But they are the sort of issues than can be worked on quite effectively when you've got a few million quid in the bank.

Some commentators have moaned that she is no longer the "real" Susan. They say that her new look and vitiality are merely a Corporate Creation.

But look at the photographs of her from 30 years ago, when she was a vivacious and attractive teenager. That was the real Susan. Her real triumph is that she is now presenting herself in the way that she should always have done, for the last 3 decades.

She has become what she was meant to be. And if you are feeling a bit down about the way you are presenting yourself in 2010, have a look at that You Tube clip.....and see if you can watch it without breaking into great big smile.

2009-12-29T20:52:00.000-08:00

Normal Models?!!

by Graham Davies

This evening I was working out in the gymn and I watched a fashion show on the TV screen in front of me. Unlikely, but true. And I saw something incredible. Something that I have never seen before during any of my many involuntary viewings of the Fashion Presentation genre: the models were cleary enjoying themselves.

Each girl in the show had normal feminine curves instead of the ironing-board-with-feet physique that dominates their sector. They wore make-up that enhanced their good looks. They walked along the stage with obvious enthusiasm. And they also did something that was really strange....something that is usually forbidden in a fashion show: they smiled!

Most models permanently wear the sort of expression that suggests that they have just been forced to go to the cafeteria at their Eating Disorder Clinic.

But the models I saw tonight allowed their enjoyment and their personalities to shine through to what they were modelling...and I actually started to appreciate the excellence of their clothes and the expertise of the designer.

It's about time that the Fashion Industry realised that enthusiasm for the product, from normal-shaped, feminine models, is a highly effective presentational device.

2009-12-06T07:26:00.000-08:00

Obnoxious Upselling

by Graham Davies

I have taken a short vacation from blogging, mainly because of not coming across anything that pissed me off enough to blog about it. That all changed today in WHSmith.

Obesity is a killer: one of the biggest causes of heart disease in the western world. It nearly always involves the person concerned having a diet that is obviously less healthy than it really should be. And healthy diets rarely involve significant amounts of crisps or milk chocolate. I speak as an unreformed carbandfatoholic.

I find the compulsory upselling carried out by WHSmith checkout staff to be particularly obnoxious. I was just paying for a newspaper when one said, "Would you like one of these chocolate bars for just a pound?"

I am now reasonably strong about confronting my chocolate problem so I was able to Just Say No. But alot of people are successfully ambushed by this ploy which exploits them when their defences are down.

Don't fall for it. And next time they try it on you, tell them where they can put their Toblerone.

2009-11-08T03:33:00.000-08:00

Sugar Moans Again

by Graham Davies

If I ever have 730 million quid in the bank, I hope I do not whine as much as Alan Sugar does. Ironically, this week he has accused struggling businessmen of being "moaners" who live in "Disneyworld". I hope that this is a happier place than Sugarworld, where moaning has been raised to an art form.

Suralan clearly feels that any display of personal charm is a form of presentational weakness. He would like to see himself as a Straight Talker who does not suffer fools gladly. The reality is that he does not like to suffer anyone gladly apart from himself.

He has never learned one of the Cardinal Rules of effective straight talking: being rude makes your point of view far less persuasive.....especially when you happen to be right.

Perhaps we should all take Suralan more seriously. But perhaps he should take himself alot less seriously.

2009-11-02T05:15:00.000-08:00

Angry Email Response

by Graham Davies

Unless you are one of the lucky few, you will sometimes receive emails that make you very angry indeed. They may contain offensive allegations, factual inaccuracies and downright insults. And they may even be sent by long-standing, valued clients that you just did not believe were capable of such behaviour.

This is the way to deal with them: write a reply immediately, while your anger is still white-hot. Tackle every insult head-on, countering with several of your own....preferably even ruder than the ones they were stupid enough to use.

Point out the stupidity of every individual piece of inaccuracy. Above all, make it absolutely clear that you take the email as a deliberately hurtful and personal attack. Make your reply accurate, but ensure that it is your emotions that are more noticeable than the facts.

And then........STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER WITHOUT HITTING THE SEND BUTTON. Walk out of the room and do something else completely different.

Most people make the mistake of bottling up their feelings when they are the victims of corporate rudeness. By vomiting them all out onto the screen as soon as possible, you will give your self an emotional enema. Two hours later, you will be ready to compose...and send...the measured and statesmanlike response that will calmly counter the offensive email, while also ensuring the longevity of your relationship with its sender.

2009-10-25T04:53:00.000-07:00

Laughing at Griffin

by Graham Davies

The three most powerful presentational weapons for fighting extremism are accuracy, moderation and a sense of humour. They were used with varying degrees of success against Nick Griffin on Question Time.

Griffin clearly wanted to seem as reasonable and mainstream as possible, insisting at a very early stage that his views had been widely exaggerated and misquoted. David Dimbleby nicely punctured that false balloon by reading out a sequence of quotes that Griffin simply could not refute.

It was the mainstream politicians that let the Anti-Fascist side down, especially Jack Straw and Chris Huhne. They were determined to shout their way through pre-prepared rants, no matter what questions were asked. They turned the programme into a "How Outraged Can I Get?" competition. Their staged emotion made me feel nauseous.

Bobby Greer, the playwrite, had exactly the right presentational attitude to Griffin: she treated him as an object of simultaneous tragedy and comedy. She laughed at him and felt sorry for him....but without coming across as hating him.

Of course, this is far too clever an approach for any politician to understand.

2009-10-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

Cameron Bores for Britain

by Graham Davies

In the space of 57 tedious minutes, David Cameron managed to change the Party Faithful to the Party Doubtful. I spoke to many otherwise enthuisiastic Tories who were stunned by the pedestrian plod they had just witnessed.

If this speech was an aircraft, not only did it not take off from the runway, it never got out of the hangar. If it has been any more low-key, it would have been subterranean. This was certainly the poorest Public Speaking performance I have seen from a Leader of any British Political Party. He was even worse than Ian Duncan-Smith.

There was nothing new in this speech. We have heard the trite generalities about family, country and community many times before. He didn't announce a single new policy. It is hard to get excited about a future with Dave at the helm because he cannot articulate specifically how he is going to create it.

And the next prime Minister must surely have the courtesy to learn how to use a tele-prompt. He is at his presentational poorest when his nose is buried in his notes.

He clearly wanted to play the speaking game very safely yesterday. But if this was all he could manage, it was hardly worth him turning up on the pitch.

2009-10-08T03:44:00.000-07:00

Advice to Dave

by Graham Davies

Remember that the real secret of how to make a really boring speech is to try and include absolutely everything. You did a super job of that in your 72 minute marathon last year. Just maybe a 50 minute sprint would go down better with the punters.

Don't repeat any of theses phrases from your speech on Monday:

We can't afford complacency.
There are tough times ahead.
We must not let Britain down.
It's time for a New Broom.

You have to avoid another torrent of cliches like these. And no more badly-told, dated gags about Ken Clarke's Hush Puppies. The Faithful were clearly embarassed when that one fell flat.

Please come up with some memorable phrases that are as good as Michael Gove's ....or Peter Mandelson's. It's just possible that it was your deliberate decision to ensure that nearly all the speeches this week were boring.....so that the Tories are no longer seen as merely the Party of Shiny Marketing.

But remember that, just because you want to emphasize your substance, it doesn't mean that you should present it in a dull, flat and boring way.

2009-10-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

Osborne Matures

by Graham Davies

He will never be a British Obama, but George Osborne has now become the Tories' best teleprompt performer. He seems to be able to look past the glass, rather than at it.

Yesterday marked Osborne's Coming of Age as a political presenter. He has managed to get rid of that annoying air of Deputy-Head-Boy smugness. When he has something specific to announce, he manages to strike just the right note of earnestness without being too lofty. He was like someone who was confiding with some close friends at a rather important dinner-party.

He even presented a couple of gags nicely: playing them as though they were serious lines and so letting the words do the work.

This is the first time that I have seen him in front of a large audience coming across as a decently concerned human being, rather than a pompous toff politician who wants to show us how jolly clever he is.

But I do hope that he drops We are All in this Together, before We all Puke Together.

2009-10-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

Tory Tedium

by Graham Davies

Many congratualtions to the Conservative Party for reaching a new peak in boring presentation. They have discovered perhaps the most tedious mass presentational technique to hit British Politics: seven Shadow Cabinet members standing in line on stage behind seven seperate lecterns.

Apparently, it is designed to be a display of teamwork in action. Sadly, they look like 7 awkward statues, only with not as much life.

This sort of set-up exacerbates a politician's tendency towards Podium Disease: the habit of...only saying...three or four words....at a time....even if it is.....very stilted....indeed.

I was deeply disappointed to see even Michael Gove being infected. If a star like Gove is made to look pedestrian, the Tories have a long way to go before their presentational is good enough to guarantee the boost in the polls that the Conference must deliver for them.

2009-10-04T05:16:00.000-07:00

TV Debate Desperation

by Graham Davies

I am delighted to have been proved wrong: Gordon Brown will take part in a series of televised pre-election debates. Perhaps I underestimated his level of desperation.

This will be the first time in British Politics that the viewing public will be able to see genuinely spontaneous reaction by Party Leaders to views which have just been expressed by their opposite numbers. Deliciously, they will not have the chance to have their immediate responses sanitised by their PR/Spin departments.

We might actually see Cameron, Brown and Clegg blurting out stuff that they really believe.

Whatever the format, they will each have to avoid the Politician's tendency to make their points by going into over-complex depth on a given issue....something which is often unfaily characterised as avoidance by the typical viewer.

Instead, they will have to get into the knack of immediately encapsulating and crystallising their views in such a way that is both memorable and compelling.....and keeping this up for an hour at a time.

Political presentation could actually become rather exciting.

2009-10-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

Gordon the Adequate

by Graham Davies

It was certainly the most upbeat, energetic and engaging performance that I have ever seen from him. By his standards, it wasn't just a speech: it was a cabaret.

He told a couple of early gags rather well. He even smiled...something which he has traditionally found difficult and frightening. There was a real danger that he was actually enjoying himself up there.

But all the old tedious presentational trademarks were still there. He has only one pace: Attack, Attack, Attack. Every phrase was hammered out as if it were just as damned vital as every phrase before it.

Stangely, he spent 80% of his time with his body and head pointed well towards the left, with only the occasional glance to the right...perhaps as an unconscious metaphor of his entire political carreer.

This was as good as Brown is ever going to get in a set-piece speech. He is always going to be an artisan rather than an artiste.

And I suspect that, even as the obligatory standing ovation reached its peak, Gordon was thinking, "Maybe one day I will be as good as Peter Mandelson himself."

2009-09-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

Brown's Big One

by Graham Davies

We certainly won't be seeing a repeat of the camply cringe-making theatricality of Mandelson. Brown does not do theatre. Or rhetoric. Or humour. We can expect a hard-working slog through the "achievements" of his government, combined with a clumsy attack on the the Tories and a promise to fight them on the beaches etc etc.

He has never really had much use for other people's opinions when it comes to speechwriting....or anything else, really. Tony Blair welcomed input from a wide variety of sources that were co-ordinated by a Chief Speechwriter.

Strangely, Blair was totally computer-phobic and wrote everything longhand. Brown uses his laptop constantly to create the first draft of every speech....and every subsequent draft. He does not even ask anyone else to give him jokes.

Brown is bucking a trend that has characterised most of the great speeches of the last 50 years: very few are the exclusive work of the speaker himself.

Kennedy, Thatcher and Reagan were humble enough to ask for help. Brown is not.

2009-09-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

Peter's Finger

by Graham Davies

It was crass, over-blown and embarassing. The Mandelson Ego on the Labour Party stage was just as unpleasant to behold as it has always been.

Granted, he has learnt a sense of irony and self-parody. But coming from his mouth, the carefully calculated humorous attempts to make Mandelson 2.0 seem humble had exactly the opposite effect.

He seems to have employed the services of a Body Language Coach from the 1970s: his gestures attached to supposedly significant phrases showed the straight jacket of over-rehearsal. And his obsessive use of the right forefinger pointed to the sky was an his unconscious way of telling us that there is still only One Man worth listening to.

And he just can't help giving himself away. At one point, he told Brown "you will have my undivided attention". A few seconds later, perhaps as an afterthought, he said it would be accompanied by his undivided loyalty. This was the speech of a smugly superior, supervising schoolteacher, not a faithful warrior.

2009-09-28T03:30:00.000-07:00

Clegg's Fantasy Speech

by Graham Davies

Nick Clegg has been to bed with more than 30 women and last week he spoke for 50 minutes with out using notes or a teleprompt. These are his two most striking achievements.

So when he said "I want to be Prime Minister", it had as much credibility as I had at the age of 5 when I told my Mum, "I want to be an astronaut".

Safe in the knowledge that he will never be able to carry them out, he boldly listed specific public spending cuts that have to be made. But he didn't have the balls to describe them as "savage" as he had originally intended.

He said that the LibDems' private polls, somewhat differently to all the polls that you and I have seen, show that the General Election is "wide open". Of course, they are right: it is a wide open question as to whether the Tory majority will be 50 or 150.

Overall, the speech was an exercise in schoolboy fantasy. He can now go back to his constituency and prepare for finishing 3rd. Again.

2009-09-23T12:53:00.000-07:00

Yah Boo Heune

by Graham Davies

There is something of the Schoolyard in the way that Chris Heune presents himself. Nick Clegg was certainly stunned by the bullying nature of his personal attacks during the last LibDem leadership contest.

Heune hasn' t grown up much since. Okay, he had a sudden attack of sanity and decided not to call William Hague a skinhead in his conference speech. But calling the Tories "the Party of Crime" was just puerile.

This was someone who is happier with the immediate rush of a juvenile soundbite than he is with the hard work of suggesting solutions that actually work.

Maybe he was just getting his retaliation in first. He is almost certainly going to lose his seat in the Genearal Election....to a Tory. How sad it is for us all that this was his last conference speech as a Member of Parliament.

2009-09-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

Clegg's Clothes

by Graham Davies

It's very easy for a Party Leader to present bold new ideas when he knows that there is no chance of his party forming the next government. Or any government within his lifetime. That is the simultaneously freeing and frustrating position that Nick Clegg finds himself in as his party conference starts.

The speeches at LibDem conferences are often more interesting than than those you hear from the Big Two conferences. This mainly because the speakers (sometimes including Shadow Cabinet members) feel free to say stuff that does not slavishly agree with everything that the Leadership says. The debates actually involve people debating things.

In the last 24 hours, Clegg has ignited this presentational cauldron by being far more stark in his expression of the necessitiy for huge cuts, even in the NHS, allbeit in it's beauracracy rather than front-line service provision.

But this is not a new way of presenting the issue. With the Tories getting more careful by the minute about the C Word, Clegg is merely saying what Cameron used to say on a regular basis about 18 months ago.

Essentially, he has stolen Cameron's presentational clothes. And they fit him rather well.

2009-09-05T08:47:00.001-07:00

Flimsy Farage
by Graham Davies

When being interviewed on television, it is vital that you have a clear grasp of what you need to defend, as well as what you want to attack. Nigel Farage broke that rule in an embarassing appearance on BBC Breakfast yesterday. His credibility was severely damaged, despite the polite gentleness of the interviewer.

Apparently, he feels that he ought to challenge the Speaker because John Bercow epitomises the twisted Expenses Culture that once prevailed in the House of Commons. He was bullish and confident about this point. His precision and impact dipped dramatically when challenged about the £2 million of expenses and allowances claims he himself has made over the last 10 years as an MEP.

Bizarrely, he even refused to publish the details of these claims "unless the European Parliament supplies the figures".

The whole interview was a classic performance of political pomposity, by an individual who combines limited intellect with limitless lust for publicity.

If you are ever interviewed by any media, practise with a trusted colleague, and get them to ask the most awkward question imaginable....one that could possibly expose the weakness of your position if answered badly.

Do that, and you will perform better than at least one Party Leader.

2009-09-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

Election Debate?
by Graham Davies

I stand by my prediction in an earlier blog that Gordon Brown will never allow himself to take part in a televised Election Debate. I say this despite the brilliantly blackmailing announcement by Sky News that they will hold one whether he takes part or not.

He will come up with the usual excuses:

The House of Commons is the proper place to debate policy
He wants to engage with real people, not other politicians
A debate misleadingly implies that the Election is some sort of Presidential contest between individuals

These reasons are all a bit thin. In fact, he does have two real reasons to duck out. Firstly, he still wants to play the status game of "I am the Prime Minister, and you are not". He does not want to descend into a pit with two individuals who are merely Party Leaders.

But the second reason remains the most compelling one: his ponderous, 20th Century style of presentation will be swept away by the Fast Gloss of Nick and Dave.....and perceived defeat in a head-to-head TV contest will merely accelerate his inevitable demise.

2009-08-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

Bye Bye Big Bore
by Graham Davies

Here is something that you won't have heard people saying over the last 3 days:

"Oh no! Surely they can't be stopping Big Brother? 10 series wasn't nearly enough. And all the hype and fuss that they managed to generate was always a fair reflection of high quality."

Presenting yourself on television is a deeply unnatural activity. Professional TV presenters learn how to focus their words and their personae to make sure that the viewing audience's watching experience is as good as possible.

But "reality" TV participants are told to be "natural". This instruction nicely ignores the fact that living your life for with several hundred thousand people watching you is perhaps the most un-natural activity that civilised society has yet invented.

Some advice: if you ever have to appear on TV, make sure that you prepare and focus on precisely why you are doing it. Make yourself a brief flash of light that momentarily brightens the viewer's day. Being "natural" is not the best way of leveraging 4 minutes of national exposure.

The problem with Big Brother was not that it was cheap TV that celebrated the worst behaviour of unpleasantly dysfunctional people. The real problem was that 24 hour exposure of "natural" human interaction is just plain boring.

2009-08-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

Ted's Tainted Dream
by Graham Davies

He was the only one of four brothers to survive beyond the age of 50. He had to carry a particularly heavy Torch of political idealism all on his own for more than half a century of public service.

He had a knack for getting people to sit round a table and consider compromise without making them feel that they were conceding their principles. And he was a fine set-piece political presenter, who could make lofty ideals seem to be practical possibilities rather than hot air.

He forced himself out of his sick-bed to perform one last big speech at the Democratic Convention last year. He thus ensured that he could be satisfied with the feeling that he had said all that really needed to be said. This emotion was never within reach for any of his prematurely departed brothers.

But the saddest fact is that all his glorious words were continually tainted by his drinking, womanising and general lack of judgement in his personal life. His Personal Presentation Brand had really been in a state of constant decay from the moment he gor into a car with Mary-Jo Kopechne.

When all is said and done, nearly all the fine words that Kennedy has said have been hugely devalued by just some of the things he has done.

2009-08-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

Silence is not enough
by Graham Davies

There is an old and hackneyed piece of presentational advice that is often trotted out : It is better to stay quiet and make people think that you might be stupid, than to open your mouth and leave them in no doubt.

Yes, very funny. And if you have nothing to add to the silence, silence is still best. However, reliance on silence as your distinctive presentational stance is just not good enough if you are a Chief Executive or a Prime Minister.

Gordon Brown has only today said something, at last, about the despicable release of the Lockerbie bomber. This is the sort of issue that a PM must have an immediate opinion on....an opinion that he can convey to his nation-wide audience at the earliest opportunity.

It is a clear mark of his lack of presentational prioritisation that he did find something to say about England's Ashes victory, while at the same time staying unpleasantly silent for 5 days about allegations of behind-the-scenes deals with Gadaffi.

When you are a leader, reactive slience is not enough. When an issue of such importance burns its way into your public's eye, you have to decide on...and present...a pro-active Micro-Message as soon as possible.

Or you can be like Gordon...quietly sliding into professional oblivion.

2009-08-20T12:20:00.000-07:00

Think or Twitter?
by Graham Davies

Duncan Bannatyne's personal presentational brand is based on the ability to bully and disparage potential investors on Dragon's Den. Even when his face is trying to express happiness, it is twisted into a sneer.

He has been presenting a TV programme where he extols urges British holidaymakers to enjoy the delights of the UK and its unique interpretation of the word "Summer".

This is a little incompatible with his constant stream of Twittering about what a marvellous time he is having in France. So, he breaks one of the Cardinal Rules of credible personal presentation: be obviously consistent.

But his biggest mistake is catching the trendy disease of 2009: Twitteritis. The main symptom is the uncontrollable urge to put thumbs to keybord without any real thought about what you are about to say to possibly hundreds of thousands of people.

Here's an idea: maybe Tweeting isn't the universally marvellous thing that it's cracked up to be.

2009-08-17T11:36:00.000-07:00

Fair Play is Dead Again
by Graham Davies

Football's Bastards in Black have always had a reputation for myopia. But Joe Shoebridge, who refereed Bristol City's match against Crystal Palace on Saturday, seems to be an extreme sufferer of the condition. Mind you, the other 3 match officials also did not see Bristol City's blatantly legitimate goal...presumably because they were feeding their guide dogs at the time.

However, I am not writing today's blog to carry on the British tradition of moaning about sporting officialdom. I write to moan about what could have been the re-birth of British Fair Play.

All 11 Bristol City players knew that a goal had been scored against them. They should either have persuaded the referee of that fact or, after consulting with their manager, immediately and openly allowed Crystal Palace an unnopposed walk-in goal.

They had the chance to present the image of Bristol City in particular, and British sport in general, in a new and glorious light. Their Micro-Message to the world could have been: Even in the Age of Hard-Nosed Sporting Professionalism, there is still room for Sportsmanship.

But they bottled it. I hope they lose every other match this season.

2009-08-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

The Main Chance
by Graham Davies

I don't know all the details of the allegations against Anne Main. This is something I have in common with most of the people who have been bleating about her over the last few days.

At a Special General Meeting of St Albans Conservative Association, she defeated the motion to de-select her by 140 votes to 20...a margin which would have been considered impressive in even Zimbabwe and Iran.

But no matter how much she may have been illicitly snorting from the Westminster Expenses Trough, there was nothing iffy about about the vote. It is quite clear that the Chairman and the Vice Chairman of the association (her main protaganists) were complete amateurs. They had done nothing to assess the level of support they had for their decapitation attempt. And their efforts to mobilise their own side were horribly inadequate.

On the other hand, Main had galvanised her natural core followers more effectively than a Saga Rep on speed. When the result was announced, everyone thumped their wheelchairs and rattled their zimmer frames with delight.

She may like her expenses too much. But her opponents should remember that she also likes a fight.

2009-08-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

The Mighty Whinger
by Graham Davies

I once met Alan Duncan at a drinks party in 2004. He was part of a group of 4 people that I joined. I had been speaking for approximately 5 seconds when his eyes glazed over. He then turned on his heels and walked away. It was quite clear to the rest of us that he had immediately worked out that I wasn't important enough for him to pretend to be interested in.

This level of presentational ruthlessness has got to him to where he is today. Which is...well, nowhere really.

He scored a marvellous own goal recently when he publicly criticised Jaqui Smith's expenses only a few days before he was forced to pay back £4000 himself.

He certainly has a distinctive Presentational Brand. What he lacks in size, he makes up for in sheer bitterness. So when he complains that he and his colleagues are being "treated like shit", there are many people who think And quite right too!

2009-08-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

Humour, Hillary!
by Graham Davies

Charm and diplomacy are not things that come naturally to Hillary Clinton. Her first instinct is to confront and attack, rather than befriend and compromise. This may be an effective way of presenting yourself when you are a political candidate, but it can be a problem when you are the Secretary of State.

In the Congo yesterday, a rather silly student asked her what Bill thought of a particular issue. Not unreasonably, she replied, "I am the Secretary of State, not my husband."

If she had said it with a smile, this one-liner would have got a big laugh from the audience, made her point superbly and won her alot of friends. Instead, she delivered it with all the grace of a nuclear assault, dramatically shrugging her shoulders and twisting her face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. The people listening were clearly shocked by her negative intensity.

Someone needs to tell her what all high-pressure presenters need to know: sometimes a smile is a more potent weapon than a growl.

2009-08-10T11:37:00.000-07:00

Mandy is Out
by Graham Davies

At last, Peter Mandelson has been Outed: I can now confirm that he is totally addicted to publicity.

Even when he is supposedly doing nothing, he manages to get into the news. His trip to Corfu has probably been the most talked-about holiday of the year. But it's not true to say that he was trying to run the country with only a mobile phone. To be fair, He had his Blackberry with him as well.

He has made it clear that he feels that Britain needs a stronger voice in Europe. There is no doubt who he thinks that voice should be provided by.

Strangely, I find this way he has of constantly presenting himself rather refreshing. Most politicians try to put on the Reluctantly-in-the-Public-Eye Act. But not Mandy. He knows that there is no bushel big enough to have the remotest chance of hiding his light.

2009-08-06T01:55:00.000-07:00

Sugar melts in the heat
by Graham Davies

5 years ago, I sat next to the shy, delicate and sensitive Alan Sugar at a dinner at which I was the guest speaker. For 2 hours, he barely acknowledged my existence, because he was entirely focused on projectile-presenting to the table about his favourite subject. Which is, naturally, himself.

The details fo his monologue were mainly about his charity work, which he insisted, at great length, that he never like to talk about. He then found out that I was a barrister, turned to me, and told me in strict confidence (and I quote) :

I always sue if someone calls me a liar, because it just isn't true. But I don't bother about it if someone calls me a Prat, because that is just a matter of opinion.

Poor Alan is so bothered about Quentin Letts' opinion in the Mail that he "is not someone of enormous intellect" that he has already put out the Frighteners via a top law firm.

What a shame that someone who makes so much money out of abusing people on TV is so frightened of a journalist's opinion. In fact, I would go further: what a Prat!

2009-07-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

An Election Debate?
by Graham Davies

A televised pre-election debate between Brown and Cameron would make superb theatre. The Bruiser against the Smoothy. The grizzled Old Dog against the Upstart.

Jusy about everyone who is even remotely involved or interested in Politics would love to see it. Apart, that is, from a very small group: Brown's closest advisers. Because he would lose. Horribly and massively.

Brown is actually a deep thinker. His main weakness is his inability to marry that thought with successful inter-personal skills. He is a manifestly competent set-piece Public Speaker, as long as he (in conjunction with his writers) has had plenty of time to prepare and rehearse. But a head-to-head debate on television will be a contest where speed and simplicity will win out over depth and experience.

Cameron is hugely excited at the prospect of his Eton Debating Society credentials being recognised by the electorate at last. But he should wipe the saliva away, because even Brown isn't daft enough to let it happen.

2009-07-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

Barack was boring
by Graham Davies

President Obama's announcement of his plans for the American Healthcare System was the worst presentational performance of his Presidency.

His main narrative speech was competent, but not inspired, by his standards. When he presents straight to a camera, as opposed to catering mainly for the live audience in front of him, he loses alot of his innate warmth. When he is talking to a piece of glass instead of a group of human beings, he becomes a little less human himself.

But his real weakness showed during the Q&A phase after his initial speech. Even though he clearly knew what the first question was going to be, he didn't provide a head-on answer. Instead, the Leader of the Free World simply rambled. On and on. Seemingly without an end in sight.

This pattern was repeated throughout the rest of the event. Ironically, when Obama is speaking to a crowd of 200,000, he can make it sound like conversational dialogue. But when he is answering a difficult question from one person, he indulges in uncomfortable monologue.

Admittedly, healthcare has perhaps been the most insoluble issue for every US President for the last 20 years.

But it is when the issues get tough that tough presenters should get going.

2009-07-20T13:56:00.000-07:00

Watson won
by Graham Davies

Stewart Cink went home with the Claret Jug on Sunday night, but the real winner of the Open was Tom Watson. Every man over 40 was shouting for him and now every man over 50 worships him. He has shown that age does not have to be a barrier to achievement. Tom did not turn the clock back. He just made the clock seem irrelevant.

He has become a Giant among men. But Tom's real stature comes, not from the way he swings a club, but from the way he presents himself under pressure. No matter how difficult things were, he projected the sort of dignified calm that we would all like to be able to access when a few million people are watching us.

The real Open loser was Tiger Woods. His petulant thrashing of his clubs was an embarassment and an appalling example for young golfers to follow. He may have won more Majors than Watson, but I would prefer to have Tom at one of my dinner parties.

One of the best ways of assessing someone is to look carefully at how they come across when things are going badly. No-one reading this can hope to win as many golf tournaments as Tiger Woods. But you can aspire to have a personal presentational brand as stylish as that of Tom Watson.

2009-07-13T01:59:00.000-07:00

Get Lost, Harman
by Graham Davies

I am proud to be a Northerner. I will always put HP sauce on every piece of red meat that I eat, and I will always be slightly suspicious of people with plummy voices. I regard these attributes as strengths.

Harriet Harman now feels that people like me should be the beneficiaries of Positive Discrimination if we apply for certain types of jobs in the Public Sector. For my interview, perhaps I should remember to bring my whippets and wear my cloth cap. When asked to describe the Conservative Party, I should say that they are a bunch of Southern Bastards (lots of people do that anyway).

On behalf of my fellow grockles in the Provinces, I would like to tell Harman that she can take her discrimination, put it in the appropriate receptacle and then flush.

2009-07-07T00:27:00.000-07:00

Sarah is too late
by Graham Davies

The aggressive skills that helped to get Gordon Brown to the top will not necessarily keep him there. He still wins some arguments, but very few friends.

This is where his advisers hope that Sarah Brown just might make a difference. Gordon does not do small talk. He doesn't do medium talk either. He finds it difficult to listen to anyone, including his senior colleagues. Apparently, every meeting with him involves note-taking and point-scoring rather than genuine dialogue.

He does have a sensitive and caring side (remember his speech about Ivan Cameron), but he can't access it automatically. His (shrinking) inner circle hope that her robust charm will help to break down the barriers between the Brownmeister and ordinary mortals. They think that she can be a conversation catalyst.

They are desperately wrong. Every time the public sees Sarah presenting herself in such a charmingly robust, but understated and unselfish way, it only serves to highlight the personal failings of the man she is trying to prop up.

2009-07-05T21:54:00.000-07:00

Goodbye Palin?
by Graham Davies

Resignation was the only option. You see, it's just so tedious being in charge of a wilderness, especially when its inhabitants are keen on investigating all the little mistakes you make in office. And you you just can't maintain your profile in the national media when your base is 6 hours flying time from the rest of the country.

Alaska is just too small a place for someone of Palin's talent. She has a God-given duty to make herself more readily accessible to the American people. Look at what she's got going for her:

An ability to tell old jokes again and again. Her variations on the Pitbull theme have been around longer than the animal itself
The energy to sell cliches as though Oscar Wilde had just thought of them ("Only dead fish go with the flow")
An unlimited capacity for believing the publicity she reads on her own web-site

She would be wasted in the role of President. With this sort of presentational armoury, she simply must become a Professional Speaker instead.

2009-07-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

Relaxed George
by Graham Davies

George Osborne is facing an investigation into his personal financial conduct. However, he has let it be known that he is "relaxed" about it.

George has always been a relaxed sort of chap, even when he used to spend some of his time drinking at the Bullingdon Club. Many of us would feel less tension if we could rely on family wealth instead of having to make a living. George's relaxation is the type that goes with having a daddy who is very rich indeed.

Mind you, if you decide to got to a party on a Russian yacht with Peter Mandelson, or make a factually inaccurate allegation of misconduct against the Prime Minister, relaxation very quickly becomes ridiculous. Or rather careless.

If you are ever facing a crisis in which your integrity is being called into question, never let the word "relaxed" be the presentational adjective that is used to describe you.

However, George's real problem is not that looks relaxed. A more accurate word would be just plain smug.

2009-06-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

Corporate Rudeness

by Graham Davies

Meetings cancelled at the last minute. Unanswered emails. Promised documents not sent. Phone calls interrupted by you being placed on hold. These are typical examples of Corporate Rudeness in 2009. But if you think they should just be ignored, then you are part of the problem.

Every time you ignore this sort of behaviour, you are encouraging the perpetrator to treat you badly again. And again.

I call these things squelches, named after the annoying sound you hear on a computer when it refuses to accede to a reasonable request. Each individual squelch from a business contact may well not amount to much. Nevertheless, always make a note every time you receive one.

This is not merely so that you can nurse a grudge. Each squelch is an indication that you should be careful about how you deal with that person in the future. A high cumulative score on the Squelchometer means that you should simply not trust that person, or go out of your way to help them when your time could be spent on more worthy people.

I have found that a sequence of minor squelches are clear warning signs of a major squelch (cancellation of a contract, breathtaking verbal rudeness, offensively inaccurate criticism of work done).

A serial squelcher is someone that you must decide never to take any shit from again, no matter how big a client they are.

Get rid of them before they dump on you.

2009-06-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

The Speaker has no clothes
by Graham Davies

Or at least none like the bloke before him had.

Instead of a velvet waistcoat, winged collar and bands, Jon Bercow has decided to wear a modern business suit. This has horrified many tradtionalists.

Jack Holland, who owns the tailoring company that makes the old-style garb, feels that Bercow has made a dangerous choice....because he has thrown away the visual badges of office that helped to encourage respect for the position. He also points out that the old Speaker's Wig was a very useful device when it came to pretending not to hear comments that were best ignored.

Mr Holland's views are a superb illustration of why it is time to say Goodbye to the pantomime costume. No-one could respect the mumbling incompetence of Michael Martin even if his clothes were made on Krypton.

It is time for the House of Commons to go Cold Turkey from Expenses Addiction, and the new look epitomises the new attitiude. John Bercow's visual Micro-Message is No More Traditional Clothes, No More Traditional Bullshit.

2009-06-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

The Speaker Speaks
by Graham Davies

There was an evening a few years ago when John Bercow was taking questions from the floor after a speech he had given to his constituency Conservative Association. The event ran past the expected finish time and eventually someone asked the Chairman, "Do we have time for one more question?"

The Chairman glanced at his watch and said, "Probably. But we certainly don't have time for one of John's answers."

Within his own party, what Bercow lacked in popularity, he always made up for in sheer length. There was even a time when he used to run public speaking courses for Tory candidates. He is a genuine enthusiast of spoken communication.

I am not too bothered whether he is a Traditionalist, a Reformist or a Couldntgiveatossist. I am just delighted that, at long last, the House of Commons has got a Speaker who can actually Speak.

2009-06-16T12:38:00.000-07:00

Risky Presenting
by Graham Davies

This is a brief summary of a keynote that I delivered at the AIRMIC Conference in Bournemouth today. It won't make much sense unless you were there....and you were listening!

STEP 1: AUDIENCE RISK ASSESSMENT
There is no excuse for not doing this. Always ask 5 questions:
Who exactly are they?
Why are they there in that room?
What do they expect to hear?
What do they need to hear (often a different answer to the immediately preceding question)?
What must you give them in the presentation that guarantees that you get what you want from having given the presentation?

NB Most people have a shorter attention span than they did 3 years ago. Treat an audience as being full of Director/Driver types, unless you have good reason to suppose otherwise.

STEP 2: DECIDE ON YOUR FINISHING POSITION
This what you want the audience to know, think or feel by the time you have finished speaking.

STEP 3: FORGE A MICRO-MESSAGE
That crystallises what you would say if you only had 10 seconds in which to say it.

STEP 4: BRAINSTORM 3 KEY ELEMENTS FROM THE MICRO-MESSAGE
Only the stuff they must know should make the cut.

STEP 5: SHARPEN A SPIKE FOR BOTH ENDS OF THE SPEAR.

SO......say it, support it.....and SHUT IT.

ANY POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE COMMENTS WOULD BE VERY WELCOME.

IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, I PROMISE TO ANSWER IT WITHIN 24 HOURS.

2009-06-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

Gordon the Gob
by Graham Davies

Ramsay this time, not Brown.

I don't mind him comparing a high-profile Australian female TV presenter to a fat pig. It 's not clever, funny or remotely entertaining, but it doesn't upset me. And the presenter in question had the chance to carry out a pretty good counter-strike. On her own show she pointed out that the state of Gordon's marriage was a good indication of how effective he is in the way he presents himself to women.

Essentially, I have no problem with the Gob verbally attacking people who are in a position to give him a good kicking in return.

What I do find obnoxious is the way he likes to abuse people who are not able to hit back...the ones who just have to take it, like the back-stage crew and make-up team for his Australian TV show.

Fortunately, all this was nicely captured on camera, so this is not mere hearsay. The petty bully in him has been properly exposed.

I look forward to appearing on one of his programmes. Brace yourself and see what happens.

2009-06-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

Gordon the Rhino
by Graham Davies

To lose two Government Ministers is careless. To lose eleven is comically catastrophic. But Gordon Brown's main presentational asset is not his academic brain...it is his thick skin.

It takes a remarkable man to be able to sit through a sequence of several speeches by senior colleagues, all of whom shared the same Micro-Message: your continued presence is destroying us.

Of course, because the Labour Party is so, well...laborious in its electoral procedures, it would take months to force him out, no matter how many MPs were against him. This means that Gordon can relish the prospect of peddling the following lines over the next few weeks:

I am confident that the Party has full confidence in me
The Euro-Election results were certainly not a vote of no confidence in me by the general public
I am supremely confident of leading Labour to victory in the next General Election

This would be quite some Confidence Trick. But, unlike Margaret Thatcher, Brown will not end his career by quitting. His Micro-Message to the world is still Bollocks to all of you, I'm staying.

2009-06-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

Careful in Cairo
by Graham Davies

Obama's performance in Cairo was largely an exercise in academic speechmaking. He was using the words and tone of a Thinker, not a Warrior.

It was a carefully calculated construction. He had clearly taken advice from a variety of sources to make sure that his religious references were entirely accurate. And his use of quotes from the Koran was very clever indeed. Imagine the horror if George W Bush had ever tried this!

He apologised for some past American mistakes and was careful to say how important is the role of Islam in his own country. He struck a note of thoughtful, but firm reconciliation which could never have been within reach of his predecessor. It was a solid, if somewhat bland, performance.

But the speech did not have a strong, compelling and memorable Micro-Message. There was nothing strikingly new that would inspire the Muslim world to bury the past and move on to the future.

Perhaps this is a blessing. This was not the time for simplistic slogans ("Yes We Khan!!?"). This was never likely to be a speech that changed the world. But perhaps it has opened the door for a a change of attitude.

2009-06-04T03:31:00.000-07:00

Cameron's Silly PR Delay
by Graham Davies

Gordon Brown has run out of presentational cards. The "safe-pair-of-hands-in-a-crisis" card has been used too often. The "better-the-devil-you-know" card is just as unattractive to his own MPs as it is to the electorate.

With the Brown Beast at bay, Cameron should be presenting the Conservatives as being ready to fight an election at any time. He has tried a rather silly PR stunt instead: he has called for more people to apply for the Conservative Party Candidate's list. This is his way of saying that Fresh Faces my mean Fresh Politics.

It is a difficult and demanding process just getting on this list. And Cameron has not mentioned to the public that there are already more than 800 people on it. 100s more have now applied.

Of course, there could be several more Tory MPs that fall victim to Expenses Flu. But I am certain that there will be no more than a total of 25 Tory-held seats that will need to select a new candidate. Competition will be even more intense than it was before. I am also certain that none of those Constituency Associations will be remotely interested in selecting someone who has just decided that he has become interested in full-time politics within the last fortnight.

The influx onto the list has meant that some selections which were going to occur in May have been delayed to the Autumn, so as to give the newcomers chance to take part.

The bottom line is that Cameron's call for more people to join the game has had the effect of making his party less ready to fight an election. This is a bad mistake.

2009-05-31T09:06:00.000-07:00

Steven Gerrard: Superstar
by Graham Davies

Steven Gerrard is a man who has every reason to be happy with who he is, where he is going, and how he presents himself while he's getting there. I can say this even as a sulking Manchester United supporter.

Last Friday, I was the guest speaker at the Football Writers Association Dinner, where he was receiving their Player of the Year award. The first speaker was Fabio Capello, then Steve and then me. It was about as easy as speaking in the Vatican just after the Pope.

Fabio managed to present for a smiling and affable 45 seconds, which seemed to be almost entirely in Italian, apart from the phrase "must win our next qualifying match two-nil". This got a suitably intense and patriotic burst of applause which he wisely took as the cue to sit down. We then saw a spectacular Sky Sports video, showing the highlights of the Gerrard season, which was the perfect intro for the Man Himself.

Steve will never be a professional speaker. He doesn't exactly need the money. But this was an utterly charming professional performance. He came across as the same nice guy that I was chatting to at the VIP reception about his favourite Starbucks in Southport.

I suppose it was just a string of thank yous...but each one of them genuine. It was a real contrast to last year's half-hearted contribution from Ronaldo, who gave the impression that he was doing everyone a favour just by showing up.

And he didn't bugger about with any rambling repetition. Steve followed the formula for the perfect acceptance speech: Be Nice, Be Grateful, Be Off.

And then after my own sparkling piece, there was a massive, but slow movement among the 700 people of the audience. About half of them walked up to the top table and calmly formed a line for an autograph on their menus....all of which were patiently signed over the next hour. You see, Steven Gerrard is not some crass Football Idol that you mob. He is a Gentleman that you queue up for.

In my book, that is the mark of a real star.

2009-05-31T07:03:00.000-07:00

Susan's Got Issues
by Graham Davies

A few weeks ago, I predicted that Susan Boyle would win Britain's Got Talent. In fact, I was right. The first few seconds of her first performance guaranteed a record contract. It also guaranteed that she would be remembered long after last night's "winners".

But she has problems. Big personal problems that will not go away in a hurry, not just difficulties about the way she presents herself.

This rather horrible TV programme desperately needed her. And the ruthless leaking of the fact that she needed help from counsellors just to stop her quitting the show inevitably increased viewing figures. Having had their voyeuristic appetites whetted by seeing a small girl crying live on TV during one of the semi-finals, I have no doubt that a significant number of sadists tuned in hoping to see her crash and burn.

I hope that Susan makes a lot of money and that all her dreams come true. I hope that Simon Cowell's callous creativity makes her happy.

But it's time that everyone realised that the whole concept is designed to take advantage of the weak, not empower them. It's time ITV were honest, and changed the name of the show......to Britain's Got Freaks.

2009-05-28T04:50:00.000-07:00

Comical Kirkbride
by Graham Davies

Bad expense claims and bad crisis presentation are both distinctive features of the Mackay/Kirkbride household.

Mackay has the initial handicap of his facial appearance. Kirkbride's handicap is her voice. When she is trying to sound concerned on television, it comes across as a simper. Just as when Hazel Blears was saying that the most important relationship in her life was that with her constituents, Kirkbride has the knack of making the viewer want to throw heavy objects at the screen.

She has deliberately avoided calling an Open Meeting in her constituency, presumably because her husband did not come back from a similar event in Bracknell saying, "That was loads of fun, darling. You ought to try one yourself. Most invigorating!"

She is clearly hoping that the storm against her will blow itself out, and that she can hang on by...er, just saying that she will hang on. This is is the presentational equivalent of sticking her fingers in her ears and saying,"La la la...can't hear, can't hear!"

This somewhat limited technique (often used successfully by presenters 40 years younger) won't work this time.

Kirkbride worked for several years at the Telegraph as a Political Journalist. I bet she is wishing that she still did.

2009-05-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

Indifferent Obama
by Graham Davies

When he has enough time to prepare and practise, Barack Obama is one of the world's great political presenters. But his statement responding to North Korea's nuclear test showed how unprofessional he is when he has to speak at short notice.

It was clearly a sequence of words drafted in a hurry by a State Department official. It was full of predictable phrasing ("we will re-double our efforts...") and even more predictable sentiments (when was the last time that you heard of international sanctions successfully persuading a dictator to change his ways?)

But the words were positively brilliant compared to the way that they were delivered. Actually, they were just read out....in a bland, quiet and emotionally detached way that suggested Barrack has been inspired by the Speaker's recent performances (see recent blogs).

He fell into the old politician's stilted technique of only saying words in groups of 3 or 4 at a time...mainly because he was reading them for the first time just as he was saying them. He has also developed an annoying habit of lifting his voice up or down right at the end of a sentence, like an over-chatty Australian who always sounds like he is asking questions.

Part of Obama's charm is his sheer presentational transparency. Sadly, that also means that it is very obvious when he is saying merely adequate words that have just been put into his mouth by someone else.

2009-05-25T13:37:00.000-07:00

How NOT to be interviewed on TV
by Graham Davies

Andrew Mackay MP suffers from the presentational handicap of having a face that looks as though it has walked into a door slightly too often. Over the weekend, he gave a Masterclass in how not to be interviewed on television.

He had just bluffed his way through an emergency meeting called to discuss (well, condemn) his recent expenses creativity. The meeting was either "lively" or "brutal", depending on your perspective. There is no doubt that another speaker at the meeting called him a thieving toad.

He was then interviewed a few yards away from the meeting hall in which his voters had given him such a good kicking. Naturally, a few of the audience members were interested to see how he would perform on Sky News.

He proceeded to say that 75% of the attendees had been there to support him. This provoked someone to start heckling the interview, something which clearly delighted the producer of the news segment, who told the cameraman to give the heckler/interrupter/concerned member several seconds of airtime. Mackay's already crisis-laden face twisted into utter horror, as he realised that he had been hijacked.....and his political career was over.

Mackay had made the mistake of not controlling the controllable. No matter how pushy the interviewer was, he should have insisted on a quiet location for any Q and A on camera.

If you are ever likely to be subjected to a crisis television interview, always make sure that it takes place well away from anyone who has a massive interest in wrecking your Micro-Message and getting their own agenda across instead.

2009-05-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

Ridiculous Rantsen
by Graham Davies

There is something more obnoxious than a dishonest politician: a pampered celebrity pretending to be an honest politician.

Our MPs may well be greedy, slippery, arrogant and deceitful. And that's just the good ones. But all of them worked very hard over a period of many years to get where they are. In trying to satisfy their lust for status, none of them have been lazy.

But Esther Rantzen wants to organise her celebrity chums to into forming a little group of Crusaders for Right and Justice. She is certain that her jolly campaigns on behalf of consumers qualify her for politics.

TV Celebrities forget that fame and self-righteousness are no substitute for political experience. After all, Martin Bell achieved nothing in Parliament except proving that white suits should be left to the Man from Del Monte. Stephen Fry showed just how ignorant he is by proclaiming that expenses "are just not that important".

We certainly need a new breed in Parliament...a new breed of politician. Not a breed of famous names who would be lost without an auto-cue.

2009-05-20T02:46:00.000-07:00

Goodbye to a Bad Speaker
by Graham Davies

With a duration of 33 seconds, the Speaker's resignation statement was probably 20 seconds too long. If anything, it was an even worse presentation performance than he had managed the previous day.

He didn't bother to learn it. He spoke in with a whispered, almost effeminate voice. If it wasn't for the high-tech microphone system built into his throne, no-one in the House would have been able to hear him. And worst of all, he only looked up once from his script. He is clearly too embarrassed...or still too arrogant...to look the world in the eye.

This was not a contrite and humble man. This was a graceless goodbye. Never forget that he only resigned because he eventually realised that he would lose the vote, and not because it was the right thing to do.

My final verdict: not only is he a very poor Speaker, but he is also a very poor speaker.

2009-05-18T15:16:00.000-07:00

Roast Speaker Anyone?
by Graham Davies

This afternoon I sat in the Stranger's Gallery of the House of Commons so that I could see first hand whether the Speaker deserved to survive.

He produced the worst example of high-pressure presenting that I have ever seen. He read out his statement without once looking at the audience who were judging him. His voice had all the power and sincerity of a man checking through someone else's shopping list.

It wasn't just a bad speech. It was pathetic.

He then went on to squirm and wriggle his way around the question of whether MP's would be allowed to vote on his future. This is typical of his cowardice: hiding behind a technicality when he should be facing up to what he has done.

His performance poured napalm on the bonfire that the House is building for him. But such is his blind arrogance that he still cannot see that his credibility has already melted away.

I repeat the last 2 sentences of my last blog.

2009-05-14T01:55:00.000-07:00

The Speaker Thug
by Graham Davies

Just because they were elected by secret ballot does not mean that MPs should have secret expenses. However, this is not a view shared by the Speaker of the House. He was the one who led the fight to stop the disclosure. Worse than that, he has acted like a petulant child over the last 3 days.

The Speaker is meant to be the arbiter of Fair Play in the House of Commons: the man who ensures that the rules are obeyed. He is definitely not meant to defend the selfish interests of MPs at all costs.

He has made it quite clear that he is more upset about the leaking of expenses claims than he is about the inherent dishonesty involved in the claims themselves. Any MP bold enough to question his behaviour has been rudely squashed. He has shown a Soviet intolerance for opinions other than his own.

If Cameron comes across as a smug Head Boy, the Speaker is most certainly the School Bully.

The way he presents himself and the way he presents the credibility of the Mother of Parliaments is simply not good enough. It is time for the House to show some collective balls at long last.

They have to get rid of him. Immediately.

2009-05-14T01:20:00.000-07:00

Hollow Cameron
by Graham Davies

David Cameron has tried to present himself as a strong, decisive and virtuous leader over the issue of expenses. He has failed.

His speech yesterday included a carefully-rehearsed dose of indignation and horror that colleagues of his could possibly have acted in such an appalling way. This injection of emotion is utterly false....because Cameron has known about all this for months, or maybe even for years.

He has only reacted now because the Daily Telegraph has caught the House of Commons with its collective trousers down. He comes across, yet again, as the pompous Head Prefect puttting on an act to impress the teachers.

Can anyone believe that he really did not know what his whoop of Old Etonian chums were up to? That one of them was asking for a sympathetic attitude to his claim for household expenses because "it takes 4 hours to mow the lawn"?

Politicians have an endless capacity to disappoint. Just to emphasize this, yesterday I received a letter from the Kensington and Chelsea Conservative association. They were asking for money. I tore it up and threw it in the bin.

2009-05-11T03:35:00.000-07:00

The Drogba Effect
by Graham Davies

Here is the text of an email written a couple of days ago by a certain Norwegian referee:

"Dear Didier,

This is just a short note to thank you and your Chelsea colleagues, especially Messrs Terry and Ballack, for your immediate feedback on my refereeing performance during the Barcelona match. It is very easy for an official to become too aloof from the players on the pitch. However, the sheer professional maturity of your comments meant that they came close to making me change my mind about all 4 of my penalty decisions.

In fact, if you had only shouted, waved your finger and bulged your eyeballs at me a bit more during the game instead of immediately afterwards, you could be looking forward to finishing off your season in Rome instead of Wigan.

But no hard feelings, eh? Next time you will know that referees, who are all overpaid compared to long-suffering players, really need as much help, guidance and swearing as possible while doing their job.

Anyway, cheers.....oh, and you might want to get that thyroid problem sorted out."

2009-05-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

Don't Twitter
by Graham Davies

There is a clue in the name, which suggests the valueless squeaking of insignificant creatures.

Twittering is a presentational liability, because it encourages you to engage your thumbs on a keyboard before you have properly engaged your brain. This is especially true if you twitter the content of someone else's speech while they are still speaking. It is extremely difficult to listen to something, form an opinion, think of the words that encapsulate that opinion and then type them out....at the same time as listening to what the speaker is saying next.

A skilled news professional can just about do it...as long as what he is conveying is essentially reportage with very little personal opinion.

But if anyone else tries, their immediate and unconsidered opinion-spouting will get in the way of careful listening. There is a real danger of inaccuracy.

You should be very careful about sending an email that is read by one person. You should be enormously careful about sending a communication that could be read by thousands of people. Inaccuracy and inadequate analysis could lead to annoyance, ill-will and defamation proceedings.

In communication, spontaneity and speed can be good things. Careful analysis and calculation are better.

So, don't Twitter immediately unless you don't mind looking a twit. And I've cleaned that up a bit.

2009-04-30T06:40:00.000-07:00

Welcome Gurkhas
by Graham Davies

Stuff Party Politics. It was certainly an unlikely alliance of Tory, Lib Dem and Labour MPs who defeated the government's attempt to exclude as many Gurkhas as possible from living here. But it was a victory for decency and simple fair play.

Kilo for kilo, the Gurkhas are the fiercest warriors in the world. Their height is inversely proportional to their bravery and loyalty to the British Crown. The role they have played in the security of this country has never been properly repayed in terms of long-term security for them and their families.

The Gurkhas are loyal, patriotic and hard-working....just the sort of people I would like living in my country. In fact, I would rather have them than many people who were actually born here.

You can give your life for us, but you can't live with us is a presentational Micro-Message that has that has hopefully died forever.

2009-04-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

The Susan Effect
by Graham Davies

It happens exactly 2 minutes and 3 seconds into the video....a video that has been watched more than 21 million times on You Tube in less than 6 days. It was the moment that Susan Boyle received a standing ovation from a packed theatre for the first two notes of what will most certainly be a brilliant singing career. At the same time she struck a blow for every 40 something who has ever thought that their dream will never come true.

There was hardly a dry seat in the house.

There are some presentation coaches that will tell you that most of anyone's personal impact will always come from how they look. They get this from a widely discredited study that was carried out nearly 40 years ago.

Susan has a very plain appearance....so plain, that you can see some audience members cringing in anticipation of what they have already decided will be an entertainment train wreck. Simon Cowell was clearly relishing the chance to demonstrate his Black Belt in Condesencion. But he really should have realised that something special was about to happen from the bubbling confidence that was obvious in every word that came out of her mouth.

And then the Boyle brilliance burst forth.

You don't have to be a singer to learn from Susan Boyle. The next time you are listening to a presentation, decide nothing about the presenter until well after they have opened their mouth.

And the next time you give a presentation, have the same attitude that Susan showed the first time that she said these words into a sneering camera lens:

I am going to make that audience ROCK.

2009-04-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

1997 again
by Graham Davies

It is very difficult for a 12 year old government to present itself in a new way. In his Party Conference speech last October, Gordon Brown tried to re-brand Labour as the party that would create a "New Settlement" for the people of this country.

As a micro-message, it was both bkland and opaque. At the time, few people knew what he meant. 6 months later, few people can remember that he said it.

This is a government that has not run out of steam. It has run out of the will to live. The Parliamentary Labour Party is entirely aware of the uncomforatable similarities with the last year of the Major regime. There is a stale aroma of sleaze, individual abuse of privilege and general lack of competence.

And they just don't have any credible new ideas about fixing the economy that vary much from spending as much as possible with one hand and crossing the fingers of the other.

If Gordon Brown were the Chief Executive of a PLC, he would have had to resign, together with his top management team, many months ago. Perhaps he could have enjoyed a few laughs with Fred Goodwin at an undisclosed tropical location.

But our political system does not include a process for paying off a PM that we really should be rid of. Shame really.

2009-04-12T11:42:00.000-07:00

Private Email?
by Graham Davies

E mails are a seductive weapon. They are easy to write and even easier to send.

Unfortunately, once you have sent one , you can't take it back. As a former adviser to the PM was telling me recently.

You Tube has ensured that the presentational mistakes of politicians and celebrities will long outlive them. But you don't have to have a high profile to fall foul of the sheer longevity of cyber-communication.

So...take my advice: when you write an email, assume that the 10 people in the world that you would least like to see it, will see it.

Once you have mastered this, you can then work for Gordon Brown.

2009-04-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

Apology to Police
by Graham Davies

I would like to humbly apologise to the Tactical Support Group of the Metropolitan Police. The blog I wrote 3 days ago is grossly inaccurate. I wrongly implied that an officer had assaulted a "protestor". In fact, he was an Evening Standard Vendor on his way home from work.

It is this sort of appalling slander that has seen the resignation of a high-profile political adviser over the last 48 hours. I am consumed with anguish, because the officer clearly suspected Ian Tomlinson of Selling Newspapers in an Offensive Manner. Immediate force was necessary to prevent uncontrolled dissemination of tabloid journalism.

The officer in question has now been suspended, but not questioned. We still do not know why he was wearing a balaclava or why he had covered up his epaulettes. I would be shocked if anyone were to suggest that these were ploys to conceal his identity. He was clearly the sort of public servant that wanted to keep his uniform clean even in the midst of a riot.

But we do know why he has not been questioned. Apparently, he is recovering from a heart attack.

I wish the same could be said of Ian Tomlinson.

2009-04-08T06:31:00.000-07:00

G20 Death
by Graham Davies

I can hear the policeman's defence in court already: "The protestor was walking away from me in a threatening manner and the way he had his hands in his pockets made me fear for my life. I was forced to defend myself by hitting him with my baton."

There are many people in this country who feel that demonstrators get what they deserve...after all, they should not have been protesting if they didn't want trouble.

Those people are just plain wrong. Tolerance of mass protest is one of the things that distinguishes us from countries like Russia, China, France and a whole host of more demcocratic entities. This country has always presented itself as a haven of free speech. I hope it always will.

Demonstrations have to be policed. But in Britain it has to be done carefully. Because that is what Britain is all about: a country where the Rule of Law is obeyed by citizens and the police.

Fortunately, there is video footage which will be carefully studied by the Police Complaints Authority and the Crown Prosecution Service. This may well lead to a policeman being prosecuted....something which would never happen in the countries mentioned above.

Policemen do break the rules here, but they will not always get away with it.

The British feel that we are better than other countries. It is the Rules that make us better.

2009-04-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

Hamilton's Trouser Inferno
by GrahamDavies

William the Conqueror. Alfred the Great. Ivan the Terrible (and his wife Blodwyn the Dreadfully Disappointed).....the concept of Personal Presentational Branding has been around a long time.

But in 2009, it is easier to build up an image quickly, especially a bad one....and it's the bad ones that are the most difficult to shake off.

Lewis Hamilton is just finding this out. I am not an afficionado of motor racing, so the reasons why the Team Director needed Lewis to mis-speak are not entirely clear to me. Lewis himself says that he did it because he was told to.

This is a defence that has not worked in the courts of Law or Public Opinion since Nuremberg in 1946. It does not sound like a good reason for him to set his pants on fire in the pit lane.

This is desperately sad. Hamilton has become a role model for people who strive to succeed despite disadvantaged backgrounds. But the sheer effort he has put into this has been severely devalued because of this latest episode.

He will have to work very hard over a long period of time to re-brand himself again as an Inspiring Champion instead of Lewis the Liar.

2009-04-04T11:34:00.000-07:00

Queen of Hugs
by Graham Davies

The content of the speech was trite and obvious. But the pupils of Elizabeth Garret Anderson School were delighted to be given the old you-can-be-whatever-you-want-to-be-if-you-work-hard-and-love-your-parents stuff that their teachers have already told them many times. In fact, they gave her the sort of screamingly hysterical response that once would have been reserved for Boyzone.

Clichés are certainly more effective when they are presented by the First Lady.....even if she did seem surprised that the USA does not have a monopoly on charming, polite and well brought-up schoolgirls.

But it was not her words that the audience wanted. They wanted her touch. It was delightful to see the Secret Service bodyguards pale at the impending stampede when she announced "I do hugs as well". Michelle will never be a speaker that challenges an audience's intellect. But the world does have room for a presenter who is so indisputably, unequivocally and comprehensively nice.